a life of a transsexual

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Joined in 2007
December 30, 2007, 9:09 pm

My name is leece johnson

I now live in Adelaide south australia.

I was born and spent all my life in western Australia.

I was a transsexual and now suppose to be legally female.

Most things I have done in my life have not turned out right.

Except when I had sex reassignment surgery

The operation was the best thing I ever did.

What I have now between my legs looks and works the same as a women born with her body parts on the out side.

Of course we can not get pregnant. I don’t think I could handle the pain of having a baby.

We know most times from as far back as we can remember that we are in the wrong body and we don’t know why . in my case been brought up as a boy (yuck hehehe) and been told and having to learn to do boys stuff.

All I wanted was to do girls stuff but you learn to hide those girl feelings as much as possible .

Fighting back the female feelings puts extreme pressure on your mind the older you get the stronger the pressure .

suicidal thoughts can become very strong.

We try to live to societies expectations and get married have children as we know the world back in the 60s and 70s would not except us.

if society excepted us when we were young and we knew that we would not have got married or had children and there would have been no wife threatening to tell the world that we are a freak we must be possessed by the devil and that we will never see our kids again.

friends family disown us and most times we loose our job.

The world is totally against us yet we have no choice we must move on and head towards living and having sex reassignment surgery so we can be our true selves.

The one we should have been born as or we suicide and in the world 50% will.

in the state I live in in Australia the suicide rate is 80% . we have wasted many yrs of our lives hiding 20 to 50 yrs.

a lot of transsexuals can never afford surgery so have to live with that yucky thing between there legs.

For us that are able to have surgery, we think that after surgery we will find love and happiness and work and every thing else we ever wanted.

That’s totally wrong .

You will be lucky to find work unless you pass very well or you are a persistent bitch like me.

I am still working in a male type job driving trucks or what we call road trains (3 trailers)

I am the 1st road train or truck driver to stay in trucks after surgery in Australia so yes I had to fight very hard to get work and to be excepted. I now work for the highest paying company in Australia.

Happiness well yes I have a lot of lesbian friends and straight friends male and female.

There is one thing I am missing and it’s the one thing that is the hardest to except and 95% of us will never experience it .

That is love .

Ok most of us want to be with guys .(yuck)

There are some like this black duck that are lesbians but because we still have a lot of male body shape you have no chance.some lesbians want you as a friend but there’s no way they would ever want you as a partner.

That’s the bit that really hurts.

I understand why lesbians don’t but it is still extremely hard for me to except .

Every body needs love.

We are very miss understood by people who think we are going through some sort of wild fantasy . why would we go through so many tears pain from surgery and humiliation from every one loose family and friends and spend a min of $40,000 total if it was some sort of fantasy.

We had this cruel joke played on us when we were born and we spend our whole life fighting it.

A lot of us transsexuals will go though life holding a grudge against the world .

To me that’s not going to get us any wear.

above is a little bit of light bed time reading. Hehehe.

You will see how much there is for us to do before surgery .

After surgery if there was a web site it would be 10 times as big.

Churches well I went to church as a teenager but I knew they would not except me.

For yrs I went to a spiritual church some were excepting most were not.

I have a lesbian friend that was a church minister . churches can be cruel places some times.

Well I better finish it off now before I write a book .

I hope you all have a happy and wonderful life and find that love you need to make life complete .


Leece johnson

Joined in 2007
December 30, 2007, 9:56 pm

Welcome to the forums, Leece and thanks for sharing your story with us. I think it must be so difficult to grow up feeling so at odds with your outer appearance and your inner identity.

The rates of suicide in the transsexual community are truly shocking.

I hope that you will enjoy interacting with us here at F2B


Joined in 2007
December 30, 2007, 10:31 pm

Hi and thanks


suicidal rate in WA is way to high.

its the only state in australia that has notlaws for transsexuals that have not had surgey.

so you name it it happens to them.

few examples sacked from job for been trans . throwen out of rental propeteys .

there is no help from the equal opp comission.

Joined in 2006
December 30, 2007, 11:09 pm

Hi leece, so glad you shared your story, God only knows that it needs to be heard and many more. You are a remarkable woman and its an honour knowing you my friend, so glad I met you at the Burswood D . We would love to hear more if you feel comfortable sharing.

I heard from a trans taxi driver one day about the gland that determines male/female thinking??????? that for a man wanting to be a woman and vice versa the gland is actually the size of the opposite sex, meaning the gland in the man is the size of a womans and so the need to be the opposite sex is something you are scientifically proven you are born with, can you help me out on this one oops

Joined in 2007
December 30, 2007, 11:41 pm

Hi Mags

nice to catch up on the phone today and fine out about this very good site.

i suppose we better tell the rest that mags is one of only 2 lesbian girls that knew me before and after surgery.

mags is a wonderful person after what she has been through she is still such a positive happy women and enjoys life.

she is a insperation.

i am so glade i met her at the casino that night.

i am more than happy at any time to share what ever any one may ask.

i dont belive in hiding any thing.

i know the taxi driver you are talking about but i dont know any thing about a gland.

all i know is women have a smaller brain than guys and we are suppose to have the smaller brain to.

smaller brain means its more compact so it works better hehehehe.

sorry guys.

i do fly in fly out work from adelaide to the mid north of WA so when i am flying or at work you will here a lot lesss from me.

there is wireless internet in cue so i will apear from time to time.

i fly out tomorrow arvo from adelaide.

sorry about my spelling i know its bad.

well every one have a lovely week.

leece johnson

Joined in 2006
December 30, 2007, 11:50 pm

yay I loveeeeeee we have more compact brains lol Thanks leece. wink All the best over West and Happy New Year.

Joined in 2006
January 13, 2008, 7:24 pm

Hi Leece, how do you find the acceptance of transgendered ladies within the gay/lesbian community? is there problems with acceptance? ( i dont just mean this on a r/ship basis). How is the acceptance level within the population as a whole? what dilemas are faced by the ladies that you have come across on a church basis that you know of? ( i know many questions but i think good ones to ask if thats ok wink )

Joined in 2007
January 14, 2008, 12:28 am

Hi Maggs

sorry i have not been on lattely i just got home tonight after my 2 weeks at work.

well i admit to having nevr been to a church that is for GLBTI as i dont know of any churches for us all.

but in the gay and lesbian comunitee we are not excepted that well.

tey tolirate us at there pubs or neetings but they think we are strange like the rest of the comunitee. they dont like people judging them but they are happy to judge us. as far as the workd is consered we belong in the gutter.

now thats not all gay lesbians and hetro people but most do.

its s shame.

any body can ask any thing they like.

thats fine by me and i am happy to reply to them.


Joined in 2006
January 14, 2008, 9:38 am

Thats a very sad state of circumstances if even in the gay community you are treated that way by some people. I have heard of some ladies who went to church as men and then had the change and were either kicked out or were asked to never have a r/ship with anyone, they had to be celibate. Also of some that became christian after they had had the change and were expected to do the same. It almost seems that way for those who are transexual.

they seem to face what the gays/lesbians faced maybe going back 10yrs or more in regards to lack of acceptance but sadly within the community that one wouldve expected that would accept them. Again it comes down to as Anthony has stated before about christians that are extreme in judgement against homosexuals, “do they really personally know any?” shock

I hope that F2B can give you a voice and others who wish to speak out and open up who have either been hurt by church or other means. The one thing I remember Sy Rogers touching on that I never forgot was that “silence kills”, its so important to talk or have a place that you can be heard, we have to quash the idea that we can have at times that “I am alone and there’s no one who understands or cares”. Their always is and more are coming to the open so others can find out too.

Joined in 2007
January 14, 2008, 6:58 pm

Hi Magsdee

yes i know a TS women who was told not to come back to the church when she came out.

what i want to know is what have we done to hurt people . have we gorn around bashing or abusing people or are we only interested in kids.

No we are not why is it then that most of the population then don’t want to know or trust us.

i have had some so called straight friends that would not let you near there house because they thought we would either infect the kids with what we are or we may want to take advantage of there kids or more often they did not want there kids to know they had a freak as a friend.

i have had a lot of people tell me we are freaks and they could not trust or understand us.

if we had the choice would we want to be who we are no. we have no choice we like gay and lesbians have had a cruel life put on us but we must live our lives the best we can and I for 1 will not go into hiding why should I .

we all deserve the right to a happy life.

Becoming celebrant is not possible for most of us.

We all need love in our lives that some one to love to care for and spend the rest of our lives with. I wonder what that feels like.

That is the most important thing to me .

It has not happen yet and may never happen but I will keep on trying .

When I was young I was brought up by the church of England that you should love every body but as we know now churches do discriminate against all of us.

Out side some churches there is a sign that says . (all welcome)

What have we done wrong to churches .

Some Christians say we are possessed buy the devil and we are evil.

I believe There are some states in the US wear some churches will hang you because of the devil factor. There are lots of country’s that would do the same thing to.

There’s A church has some priest that have been caught doing things to kids yet they tried to hide that .

Have we ever done that to kids no .

Yes we do face what the gay and lesbians faced years ago and still will in 10 yrs time as there are very few of us out there and not enough to make a difference to our rights.

The pollys don’t want to know you as we carry very little votes and they want Christians on there side.

I have done public speaking and may be I should ad this stuff into it.

But they just want to know mostly about our lives up to surgery.

Yes sites like this can help to open up more peoples minds to the fact that we are all human.


Joined in 2006
January 14, 2008, 11:00 pm

I dont often get stuck for words but I am stuck for words. shock You and any of the other women have done nothing wrong, at all. Its not a matter fact that you have done something wrong, its that people have a preconceived idea due to a lack of education or actually knowing someone who has had a gender change.

You have the same thing as us who are gay/lesbian born as our gender, we know who we are and we knew from quite a young age. We didnt ask to have this, we just have it. I guess given the climate of how we have very little but evolving to better acceptance, I would be happy if I was born straight to make life easier but because of who I am and what I now know, I wouldnt change a thing D , even in the face of hardships and limited acceptance, I love the woman I am with and wouldnt trade places with anyone in the world. This is my orientation, its just the way it is.

I know that in certain aspects it is different for me than for you, at least I got the gender I love to be. I think that when a person can wrap their head and emotions around to being happy in themselves ( and that can take counselling, education, clarifying themselves on actually being acceptable),happy with who they are, changes to gender and all, then outside stuff wont effect one so much but I also know that this is easier said than done, especially if you are getting flack from so many avenues.

Homosexuals were called freaks once and still are but it doesnt hurt so much anymore. Could it be that because we are more open and just around whether people or like it or not, that we have more freedom than 20yrs or even 10yrs ago? I wonder if the same thing has to happen for you and the other girls, that people will have to see what normal lives you lead, r/ships etc…pay taxes, eat cereal, watch oprah lol you know what I mean wink and then there will be more acceptance because a fear of something “different” (to them) will not be so fearful anymore?

What would you suggest one does to overcome the obstacles of such branding and not taking it on to the point of not wanting to carry on? It sounds to me you have a mission with all this, if you are meant to be a voice for the ladies then go for it.

Just let them know too, for the ones you feel need it, that God loves them and he is not the church, he is way above anyone here on earth and loads better. Theres great resources here too for all that regarding scripture etc.. too.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
January 14, 2008, 11:41 pm

Hey Leece……great to have you with us. I think you maybe our first transexual to post on our forum…….i’ve be waiting….and hoping someone would.

I’ve had two transsexual clients one MTF and the other FTM. It was a good learning experience for me…..but of course there is always much more to learn. At least I now understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender issues.

BTW……how did you find us.

that suicide rate is horrific. I had no idea that it was that high. I can understand why though…but it is not acceptable. Its true what you say that often you would expect the G&L community to be welcoming of Transexuals….but alas this is not always the case.

I trust you feel welcome here.

A question for you. From what I’ve found out about 50% of MTF are attracted to the opposite sex and the other 50% to the same. Indicating that sexual orientation wiring is possible separate from gender identity. Is this what you have found as well.

Joined in 2007
January 15, 2008, 8:55 am

I dont often get stuck for words but I am stuck for words. You and any of the other women have done nothing wrong, at all. Its not a matter fact that you have done something wrong, its that people have a preconceived idea due to a lack of education or actually knowing someone who has had a gender change.

Maggs that is very well put and true.

We know we have done nothing wrong and compared to gay and lesbians there is very few of us and a lot of people will never meet a transsexual.

Yes it is the lack of education .

I have been doing a bit and been in magazines and news papers trying to help educate some people.

I agree with you to I would not now days change who I am .life would be a lot easier if I did but I do like who I am and have fort to hard to just try and go back and be miserable again .

My family say that I am now a far better person .

there are some of us that are out in the open and try to live normal lives but we can not hide who we are . there are so many that after surgery just disappear and go into hiding .its such a shame .

Every job I start at every body is talking about you but after a few weeks they seam to realize you may not be so bad after all and they often start talking to you a bit.

What would you suggest one does to overcome the obstacles of such branding and not taking it on to the point of not wanting to carry on?

Maggs that is a very good question you have me stumped I will have to think on it.

It sounds to me you have a mission with all this, if you are meant to be a voice for the ladies then go for it.

Maggs yes I suppose I have had a mission but I have slowed down on that and have been trying to set my life up and that includes a partener.

I admit to not having much to do with many transsexuals now days . the ones I did know most have gorn into hiding . if any ever ring for help I will still be more than happy to help them.


Joined in 2007
January 15, 2008, 9:29 am

Hi Anthony

I found you through maggs.

I have known here for a few yrs.

When I 1st met her what struck me was how positive she was about life and living and not dwelling over her condition but making the most of what she has.

She was and still is making the best of her life.

so many people jsut give up on life and just exist.

I would love to see her giving talks about her life as she would be a inspiration to all.

Sorry maggs I had to say that.

The suicide rate is vey high 50% in Australia and over seas.

But in WA its suppose to be so much higher 80% according to a university and some doctors.

Anthony I have found that there seams to be more transsexuals attracted to men than women but yes you are right it seams sexual orientation wiring is different to gender identity I have not thought of it in that way before.

My feeling is there is around 60% attracted to men and 40% attracted to women.


Joined in 2008
January 15, 2008, 10:00 am

Hi, I have enjoyed reading your story and it has been enlightening on your experience in trying to fit into a new role in life. I am currently doing a research paper on community services available and health issues faced by the transgender community and i was wondering if you could help me out on this subject. Also it would be good if you could tell about some of the community services you have accessed (related to transgender issues) such as where you had to go to get information on the operation, getting hormone therapy and having a physical exam. Any information you could give me on this topic would be greatly appreciated and very helpful. Thanks very much.

Joined in 2006
January 15, 2008, 10:18 am

Thanks Leece oops We are all inspirations on here to each other, so many brave people.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
January 15, 2008, 10:44 am

thanks for that info leece…….I wonder if you know a friend of mine by the first name of Sally (MTF)……also been quite involved in creating awareness etc.

I think you might be able to help us out with correct terminology.

are the words transgender and transsexual the same or different?

if they are the same that what is the most politically correct term or preferred term.

Can you also educate us about the term ‘stealth’ what it means and its origin?

I think your responces would not only be educational for me but also for the forum.

There is a transgender person (MTF) who attends MCC here in Sydney who used to attend an Assemblies of God…..she has quite a story to tell as well. I’ve encouraged her to become a part of the forum and tell her stroy but as yet it hasn’t happened. maybe you being here will encourage her. After all F2B is for all GLBTIQ people.

yes our little maggie is an inspirtation isn’t she…….dont know what we would do with her here on the forum.

You may like to use a quote of mine some time.

Our battle is not with governments, political parties or churches………the enemy we fight is ignorance.

Joined in 2007
January 15, 2008, 4:17 pm


yes would love to help wear i can.

right now i will give you a few web sites to look at .

the one below is from the US but it is very very good.

the one below is wear i went for surgery.

the link below is australian and from NSW it is a very good site all so.

i will write more tonight.


Joined in 2007
January 15, 2008, 5:43 pm

Hi Anthony

1st of all I just read parts of the 1st part of your book boy its amazing how much we have in common. Looking forward to reading the whole book.

Sorry I don’t know the sally you are talking about. I do know a few transsexuals around Australia that are out there telling there story to help educate others.

But I would love to get to know her.


Yes this is a good one.

For many yrs there were



They are the same transvestites was the 1st word used but some one came up with the word crossdressers . which means people that like to dress as the other sex from time to time but do not want to live full time or have surgery.

They mind or brain seams to have a lot of the other sex in it and by crossdressing that help calm the mind down for a time.

Some are transsexuals that don’t realize they are until latter in life.

I know many and they are lovely people .

They come from all walks of life.

Drag Queens and kings

They seam to be mostly gay or lesbian that love to dress as the other sex too but they dress totally over the top for day time life and dress mostly and go to gay clubs .


Well transsexuals are mostly born and know from day one they are in the wrong body.

Some like myself it took years to work out why we felt different and did not realize we were transsexuals.

I knew nothing about transsexuals until my early 20s.

I knew I would love to be female full time but I thought I was the only one in the world so I could not come out.

Latter every thing fell into place and all that confusion went away.

Some body in he US decided that we should all be under one umbrella so they came up with the word transgender and it stuck.

Most of us transsexuals don’t like the word as we feel we are different .

We are the only ones that live full time want to have surgery if we can afford it and most know they are the wrong body from birth.

I prefer to be known as transsexual women but I wont get up set like some if we are called transgender .

Some women say you want to be female but you don’t act totally female.

Well after 30 or more years trying to train your brain to act male its very hard to just re train your brain.

But I say I am who I am

I am proud of who I am .

Your quote is very good

Our battle is not with governments, political parties or churches………the enemy we fight is ignorance.

Very true.

Another one is hetro sexuality is not normal its just common

In other words we are all normal


Boy that’s hard to explain so I have cheated and taken it out of a web site.

I belive stealth can be very dangerous .

Me I never thought of going stealth I am totally open about who I am and proud to tell people what I am. Why hide . I belive 70 orn80 % try to go stealth could be higher.


After transsexual men and women are living full-time as members of their target gender, they may wish to blend in with other members of their new sex, and will avoid revealing their past. They do this believing that it will provide greater peace and security on the other side of a stressful and potentially dangerous transition, and/or because they wish to be seen only as members of their target sex, not as transsexuals.

This behaviour, known as stealth, is recognized by most people in the transsexual community as an individual decision that one must make. Some, however, within and outside the transsexual community, feel that one should be upfront about his or her past, and that stealth living would be dishonest. Some draw a parallel with a perceived need for lesbian and gay people to “come out”, and may perceive a failure to do so as betrayal of a greater community, seeing hope for advancement of civil rights and public image in the visibility of greater numbers. However, most people within the community understand that revealing one’s transsexual history is a deeply personal choice. Moreover, this is part of an individual’s medical history, and as such should be his or hers alone to disclose. Several examples also exist of people who have been denied medical treatment upon discovery of their trans status, whether it was revealed by the patient or inadvertently discovered by the doctors. For example, Leslie Feinberg was once turned away from a hospital emergency room where he had sought treatment for encephalitis.[31](Feinberg 2) Like Tipton, Feinberg was presenting as a man but had female genital anatomy. He nearly died after being denied treatment. Feinberg’s case demonstrates one of the many dangers of actually being discovered. Additionally, Tyra Hunter died after being denied care by paramedics and emergency room physicians after she was injured in an automobile accident.

The equating of “coming out” (whereby a transsexual person who has hidden their true gender identity while maintaining their originally assigned gender role, reveals their true self) with honesty or social activism has been countered by the explanation that, because of prejudice, sensationalism, and the triggering of unconscious personal feelings and emotions, knowledge of someone’s transsexual past can prevent the average person from being able to see the transitioned person’s true self.

You are all asking some very good questions and its great to see.

Its also helping me to re open my mind.

Love leece

Joined in 2006
January 15, 2008, 6:59 pm

Thankyou Leece, this has been an education and a half and im sure we are only tipping the iceberg. Im sorry, I had no Idea that Transexual was the prefered term, I thought it was the other way around oops OOPS!!!

( I made some changes to my posts accordingly )

Thats amazing that someone would be refused treatment upon discovery that they had female genitals when presenting as a man…..whats wrong with people????? x

I know the other women, that is on the site from the MCC church and she is gorgeous, a lovely person and must get in touch with her.(sorry luv, had a very big year last year and lost messenger).

If only I had the genes she has for youthfullness OMG wink she certainly has what every woman wants. (sorry A if you are reading this but had to say it, please tell us what you do to look sooooooooo young LOL) 8) (she’s another one thats gonna kill me shock wink )

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