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a peek in my inbox...dialogue with an ex-gay

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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 16, 2008, 08:59

You do make a point Sandy about this now being out there in the public space although I removed and changed a couple of details that would make it harder for him to be identified.


I shared this for a couple of reasons.


1. it answers some questions that observers (lurkers) on the forum might be wondering about.

2. It creates some discussion…..so far so good….. 😆 😆 😆

3. It can show people there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to respond to people who make accusations and judgments.

4. I felt like I was on a bit a roll when I was writing my repsonse. Spent about and hour and half thinking and writing what to say……..so wanted to give all that work some additional life beyond the one person I’d originally written it to.


I will send him a couple more emails to see if he is interested in a dialogue and not just making unfounded accusations.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 16, 2008, 12:44

Yes well I probably should have kept my mouth shut in the first place, it just got to me *shrugs*



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 16, 2008, 15:32

you are allowed to make observations…….you know I dont take it personally 😀



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 16, 2008, 21:03

I think really I’m just over it in general. I’m not generally an apathetic person but there is only so many times you can run into the same brick wall before you realise its pointless and a waste of good time. I thought it would be difficult not to post on homosexuality here but it isn’t really, because once I move beyond that initial desire to argue the point, I already know how its going to end.


I guess I have already said all I have to say eight million times already and to keep going over the same aold stuff even with a slightly different slant is starting to grate on me.


Your email correspondance hit of soft spot with me because I despise people who tell those kind of stories or write that kind of stuff so they can show off how wonderful they think they are at someone elses expense. I know that wasn’t what you were doing, and I knew that when I wrote it but I still couldn’t seem to help myself. I guess I never will learn to shut up. 🙄



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 16, 2008, 22:07

After 3 years Sandy……I think I know you pretty well by now……your beliefs, your triggers, your behaviours…….i think that is why I love you. 😀 ….and vice versa…….I hope.


I dont know what I’d do if you changed tooooooooo much. 😯



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 17, 2008, 08:38

*having visions of me at a Mardi Gras declaring gay pride* I don’t know what I would do either. 😆 😆 My ‘gay life’ seems like another lifetime literally. I read people’s stories and they are so excited about being gay and being able to go out on oxford street and all and I sit there going “aww thats cute.. I don’t remember what it was like to be excited about that kind of stuff” I came out at 16 when I oh so casually told my mum and dad that I was taking Laretta Sinclaire to the school disco and not some guy they liked. I was such an arrogant child that I really had no angst at all, I knew they would accept it because I firmly believed that the whole world revolved around me. My dad tells me not much has changed 😆


It’s weird isn’t it? You construct a whole life around these decisions, and in the end you have to wonder if its really about truth or if its just about maintaining those decisions so that they have some value… If I was wrong and left Marina for no good reason… I would never forgive myself.


Has it really been three years? Geez I feel old. I still remember that first email I sent you too, I was so indignant 😆 😆



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
June 17, 2008, 09:58

Thats the thing Sandy isnt it, the thought that we may have left someone we loved when we didnt need to but the thing that gave me solice when I was in your position many many yrs ago ( by agreement with my ex at the time) is that I did it with a heart full of dedication to the Lord wanting to do what I believed at the time was right whole heartedly (as did she), he doesnt view actions like that lightly and treasures them dearly and doesnt leave us stranded, he works through stuff with us and we come out in a way we never thought we could, I know it doesnt help the feelings of loss at the time but He is incredible in healing us if we allow him and to help us see things from his perspective and forgive ourselves if need be.

BUT of course Im saying this if ever your stance ever changed 😉 (I am not implying it will)



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
June 17, 2008, 10:03

BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? *she wails petulantly*. 😆


Oh I know Maggie, I guess its safe to say, that even after all this time all it comes down to is that I am still in love with her. Yes my relationship with God would survive but I’m not certain my relationship with myself would, and thats the anoying thing about humanity, we have to put up with ourselves 24/7. 😉



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
June 17, 2008, 10:06

Oh Lord, tell me about it, if I could divorce me sometimes I would 🙄 😆



oooooo
 
Joined in 2006
June 17, 2008, 11:28

Well i see that what both the man addressing Anthony and Anthony’s response quite interesting.


Firstly Anthony, I think you were very gracious in your response. I do think that because you are such a public figure that is how you ought to respond. So no complaints here.


That man’s email – What i see between the lines i guess is that he speaks from the arrogance portrayed as ‘revelation/enlightened thinking that the church in general is so guilty of.

I know, i use to be that way myself and perhaps still am.


The spiritual awakening/alertness/experience he encountered I do not doubt was real (he was born again) I have wondered about that for quite some time in respect to my own experience. I wonder how much of a spiritual experience and corresponding action and belief system (including the way we change our lives to match our encounter) is determined by the people we then associate with? Not even looking at religions away from christianity, i know many many people who have been ‘born again’ (and who has the right to say their encounter was not real) in different churches/denominations etc and the way they then live their lives and behave (i am referring to the changes) can be so different even contradictory to one another within the same faith. I have no answers on this only questions. LOL.


In regard to this man’s email, well he may be sincere in his concern, but i hear the prejudical conditioning in his undertone which, perhaps at no direct fault of his own, is stating a particular pastors/leaders/denomination’s doctrine.


But hey, are we not all guilty of this?


Why did i say all this, lol i have no idea lol


just thinking out loud i guess.


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