I thought that this email dialogue I’ve been having might be of interest to some of you.
This is the email I received
Sent: Friday, 13 June 2008 13:52
To: [email protected]
Subject: CHRISTIAN TESTIMONY
Hello Anthony, it was a joy to read your testimony but I do not believe it. Could I suggest that you give attending an ex-gay ministry for a longer period than you did for say 4-6 years. I was involved in the dark homosexual scene in Melbourne for 15 years whilst practicing Medicine. In 2004, I became born again at aged 35 and am now about to turn 40. I am now happily married and can testify that I to have come out of the closet, the dark homosexual closet. I suspect you now have a deep inner unrestlessness that maybe something is not right with your new lifestyle. I pray that God will show you the light and that you come back to Jesus. Remember, much will be expected of you because of the light that has been given you. I am now studying for my Bachelor of Ministry. I want to emphasise that 7 months in an ex-gay ministry will achieve as you say very little. It takes many years. I myself have attended 48 one on one prayer ministry sessions together with a structured program that has already taken 4 years and I expect another few years. There is no easy answer but I am living testimony that it can be done only with the cleansing blood of Jesus. Anthony, you simply have not trusted Jesus enough. It is indeed a very weak position to say that you were born that way. You know as well as I do there has been no scientific study which proves this. It is the same as the debate over evolution. Evidence of God is all around you but you have chosen to not honour God as in Romans and you know the rest of what Romans says. Many blessings, and I will pray for you but you have got to want to give this practice up yourself for when we step out in faith God steps in with power. Blessings ,your friend.
This is my response.
Thanks for taking the time to email me and for your concern.
It seems though that you are not possibly totally aware of my story. I think you’ve read a brief thing somewhere on the net and not my book which goes into the entire journey of 30 something years from when I first discovered I was same sex oriented to finally resolving the perceived conflict between my faith and my sexuality. Maybe I could suggest you get a copy and then email me any questions or suggestions you have.
Some people, like yourself, have been involved in the dark side of homosexuality as some people have been involved in the dark side of heterosexuality. Heterosexuals and homosexuals alike can make important changes to lives by overcoming their sexual addictions and self destructive behaviours. Today I mix in a wonderful world of gay men and lesbians who lead successful, balanced fulfilled lives and who are making a difference in this world. I feel very blessed.
Can I respectfully respond to some of your comments.
I suspect you now have a deep inner unrestlessness that maybe something is not right with your new lifestyle.
Actually I have never felt more at peace in my entire life. As you will read in my book, this is not the result of self justifying but a profound experience I had in 1998. I’m not actually sure what you mean by ‘lifestyle’. My lifestyle includes running my own business, having lovely times with friends and family and serving others. Possibly you have judged me without actually knowing me and assumed that I am living a dark life like you did. As I frequently say to people, ‘my morality is a choice, my sexual orientation however isn’t.
I pray that God will show you the light and that you come back to Jesus.
Once again, if you read my story you’ll find that I don’t need to come back to God. God came to me.
Anthony, you simply have not trusted Jesus enough…. you have chosen to not honour God as in Romans and you know the rest of what Romans says.
I don’t know how you can say that with the limited knowledge you have of me. It might be more helpful, as Jesus pointed out to not cast stones at others and not judge.
It is indeed a very weak position to say that you were born that way. You know as well as I do there has been no scientific study which proves this.
Actually I used to totally ignorant about sexual orientation. I used to think it was my Mum and Dads fault I was gay. Mind you much of the mental health profession did as well. But that was back over 30 years ago. I’ve spend the last 8 years reading everything I can get my hands on from a scientific perspective……and from both sides of the debate. There is actually overwhelming evidence that same sex as opposed to opposite attraction is determined prenatally through the complexities of hormones and genetics. There are those who still choose not to believe science as did those who refused to accept that the world was round or that the earth revolved around the sun and not vice versa. Or that blacks were an inferior race. Eventually though those people either accepted the truth or died in ignorance. I suspect the same will happen with the issue of sexual orientation.
I’m glad that you are happily married. I do wish you well and trust that you and your wife have an exciting, passionate and fulfilling sex life like any normal heterosexual couple. My 16 years of marriage was extremely happy. I realise now though that I was more in love with the idea of having a wife, family and children than actually being in love with my wife. I loved my wife. She was like my best friend. But like most of us who are gay in heterosexual marriages the sexual side of things is quite mediocre. We just don’t think about or do the sorts of things that ‘normal’ straight guys do. We have a level of heterosexual functionality but we are not like heterosexual men. We are just not wired that way.
I’m not sure what program you’ve been going through but I don’t know of any ex-gay program today that claim conversion from homosexuality to heterosexuality. All, from my knowledge, if they are honest with participants such as yourself, will say that the gay never goes away. I applaud them for that level of honesty. Its important not to give people a false hope. Many of us lost our faith because of leaders of ex-gay programs giving us an unrealistic goal.
I choose not to pretend any more to myself , my wife and others……to be completely honest. It was heart breaking for all of us and I wouldn’t wish that experience on my worst enemy but today I think we are all grateful for the honesty and that we can get on with our lives.
You and your wife are entitled to make the choices of how you live your lives and I respect that. Today though I would not ever put another woman through that experience. She deserves to be with someone who has the capacity to love her completely.
If you’d like to email me in the future after you’ve read the whole story then I’m happy for you to do that or even meet up for coffee. I’ve attached the first chapter for you. You’ll find it challenging I know, but if you are really are as secure and confident as you seem in this email it wouldn’t be difficult at all but will give you further insights into your journey.