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Christian lesbian, 37, hetero marriage ... searching for answers

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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
May 26, 2010, 23:34

Hi Tony! thank you for the links. this battle within me is constant. what am i suppose to do? how am i suppose to do it? when is the best time? …. are questions that i know have no direct answer. i am glad to have found this site. my journey will be long, but is one definitely worth taking. thank you for your support and thank you for this site.


when I work with people in these situations we look at all the relevant variables….eg age….age of kids….health of the marriage and relationship….finance……many factors to weigh up and balance against each other.


the thing to work out is what is right for right now.

myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
May 27, 2010, 12:55

does anyone think it’s possible to be ‘healed’? this is a point of tremendous confusion for me. how can two groups have such conflicting views?

i don’t believe i can ba ‘healed’. but in order to save my marriage do i try? because i don’t think it’s fair to my husband for me to stay if i can’t ever give him what he needs.


just what i’m struggling with today.

HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
May 27, 2010, 14:30

Hi there,


Just wanted to say a big welcome to freedom 2 b[e]. This community of people on here have given me tremendous support over the years and supported me in my rocky journey, just as we will be there for you.


Just in relation to your last comment, I do not believe people can be healed (ie. turn from gay to straight). There is no substantial evidence proving that conversion is possible. However, saying that I do believe that God CAN change people if he wanted to, but the fact is…there is nothing wrong about you to be changed. Jesus was a healer, a redeemer, a Saviour. There is nothing to heal in regards to homosexuality. Contrary to what you may have been told….you are NOT broken, you are NOT a mistake. You are made by God, for his purposes as an amazing woman…who just so happens to be a lesbian.


We are praying for you and believing for things to get easier and for God to light your path.


Ben 🙂



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
May 27, 2010, 21:13

Hi myjourney


I wholeheartedly second what Ben has written. I also understand that you are trying to spare your husband any further grief… Sadly, this may be unavoidable but just because things are painful now doesn’t mean they always will be. And pain doesn’t signify that you are wrong for being who you are or in need of healing.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
May 28, 2010, 23:33

I just had a thought.


‘ The bible tell us that Jesus heals the sick and has power over evil – and as my sexual orientation is actually neither a sickness or a demonic spirit, that’s why he didn’t bother changing my sexual orientation even though I begged, pleaded and believed a thousand times. . I would have preferred to have blonde hair instead of dark brown as it would have shown off my blue eyes. I didn’t bother praying about that though.

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
May 28, 2010, 23:39

does anyone think it’s possible to be ‘healed’? this is a point of tremendous confusion for me. how can two groups have such conflicting views?

i don’t believe i can ba ‘healed’. but in order to save my marriage do i try? because i don’t think it’s fair to my husband for me to stay if i can’t ever give him what he needs.


just what i’m struggling with today.


I wonder…..have you read my”>http://alifeofunlearning.blogspot.com/2010/04/most-misunderstood-concept-in-ex-gay.html”>my article in situational heterosexuality.……that might give you some answers.

myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
May 29, 2010, 03:11

thank you Ben and Ann Maree! your words are very comforting. there isn’t a doubt that God made me this way and this was not a choice. one of my biggest struggles is whether my faith allows me to live it. maybe it’s just the process of me having to “unlearn” everything that has been embedded in my being. so now i’m just waiting on my God to supply me with an overwhelming peace that can only come from Him.


Ann Maree you wrote … “pain doesn’t signify that you are wrong for being who you are or in need of healing.” … very insightful, thank you!

myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
May 29, 2010, 03:14

AVB, you make me laugh … i haven’t prayed for green eyes and have wanted them all along to go with my brown hair -LOL!. love your point!

as for reading your article, haven’t but will right now. ty!

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
May 29, 2010, 07:21

Hi myjourney


You’re most welcome and I’m glad our comments have been of some help.


This journey you’re on is a bit of a process I’m afraid so the peace you’re waiting on may take longer than you expect. However, as avb often says, the resources available now are so much more than in the past. So you will probably move along more quickly than those who had to deal with these issues many moons ago without sites/supports such as this one.


Sending kind thoughts and energy your way,


Ann Maree

myjourney316
 
Joined in 2010
June 4, 2010, 08:22

AVB,

i did, finally, get a chance to read your article. and let me say WOW, right on. but that being said, it has so thrown me into a tailspin. your article is not totally to blame for this. and please let me tell you that i know that there will be MANY MANY ups and downs in this process. the following part is the part i am speaking of …


As my daughter Hannah said recently in an interview on the ABC ‘If you are gay and get married hoping it will change you, then it is a very selfish act as you don’t know what hurt you will create in the generations to come.’


These are very tragic and unnecessary outcomes for all concerned.



The person living with the false hope that one day they will be straight,

The straight partner who is doing everything possible to create the ‘miracle’ and

The children who are anticipating a lifetime of security with a Dad and Mum that will live and love together till death parts them.



Whilst I’m grateful for the years of married life and the lovely children and grandchildren I’ve had, I also have to live with the knowledge that I have been the source of the greatest trauma, pain and shame in the lives of the people I cared most about. Could I have turned back the hands of time I would not have chosen that for them or myself.





OUCH! but at the same time VERY TRUE. i’ve never thought of myself as a selfish person. in fact, i consider myself very selfless and a doormat most days. to hear this was a hard truth and i find myself making excuses and you know what is at the top of the list … MY FAITH. my faith told me that i was wrong. that i could NOT live a gay lifestyle. for this i am mad. mad at the way Christians have portrayed a very loving God. i wish i knew the consequences i would be encountering because of my choice to get married. i am still very much struggling with the issue of whether it is a sin or not. something i probably should have done YEARS ago. and i hope to come to an answer to that question sooner rather than later. but now … i still find myself VERY MUCH CONCERNED about my kids. what is best for them? i made this mess for them how am i to clean it up so that they don’t suffer all that much?


i feel in limbo at the moment. i have emailed Peggy Campolo back and forth a couple times (she is very supportive) and now wait to speak with her and a friend of hers that has gone through this.


some days i just want to give up and this week has been filled with days like that. this week has really beaten me up. I find myself completely beginning to unravel. crumbling. done with this journey. wanting it to be all over. finished … BUT i press on.
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