Christian lesbian, 37, hetero marriage ... searching for answers

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Joined in 2008
June 11, 2010, 21:29


Hi Myjourney,

I was 12-13 when I was told about Dad. So I can absolute relate to them, and eldest is 12 and my youngest daughter is 8 as well, so I know the level of understanding that you are dealing with too. My eldest daughter is quite mature and very open with me. She was about 9 I think when I approached the subject of outing her Poppy.

I would be more than happy to make myself available to them should they want to talk to someone who has walked through it. I am so glad that you have found what I had to say helpful. Sometimes I think I am just banging on about my life and my experience but very grateful that what I have been through can help someone else journey through this time.

Any more questions (either posted publicly or privately) I am more than comfortable to answer. None are off limits. I have always said I am an open book! No lies, cover ups or anything. Just raw!

Joined in 2010
June 12, 2010, 09:16

hi Hannah!

thank you so much for offering your help! your experience and openness with the subject will prove to be very helpful, i’m sure. we really don’t have an idea of when to tell the kids. in light of new developments (my husband losing his job at the church we attend) the news may have to come to them sooner than i would have liked. we are also about to take our yearly family cross-country roadtrip next week. good place to have all of them in one place with no escape -lol! honestly, i am counting on wise counsel from Peggy Campolo and now, you, as to when and how much to tell them.

i will most definitely be in touch.

Joined in 2010
June 15, 2010, 17:09


this is robyn of robyn and ann, if you have any questions for us please feel free to ask!

we both know how hard this is and are honking encouragemnt your way

Joined in 2010
June 16, 2010, 09:28

Hi Robyn!

thank you for contacting me! i am sure that you and Ann will be very helpful along my journey. i will definitely be shooting questions your way.

right now i am so overwhelmed. i wish i could state it simply … but here it goes anyway …

i want to say that my biggest struggle right now is reconciling my faith vs my sexuality. but then i think i can’t even begin to work on that question until i figure out what is best for my family. at this point, my husband wants to split (not out of anger but out of wanting something real for both of us) and with splitting comes so many other issues. the first being, of course, the kids. and then i think … what if i don’t reconcile who i am? i don’t want to lose what i’ve got. isn’t it best to just know what my ‘problem’ is and put up guards around my marriage? i know that i can not change my sexuality but can i surpress it? that is a question that my husband answers, “no. isn’t that what you’ve been doing for 15 years?” he’s right. so figuring out the next step is so hard. even figuring out what direction to take the step is hard.

i’m sorry, but i have to run right now (just looked at the clock) i feel like i’m in mid-thought. there is not enough time in my day to give all of this thorough thought.

thanks for reading!

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 16, 2010, 18:44

always reading and following your journey from afar…..and of course thinking of you knowing first hand the enormous questions you need answers for.

Can i suggest that you try and focus on the fundamental ones……otherwise you will be overwhelmed…….some are not relevant at this time as they might not happen…..and giving energy to them will drain you unnecessarily.

I realise of course this is easier said than done……but still a good principle.

i am not sure if you read this before…….its not meant to be sell for my services but the first few paragraphs are relevant to your situation I feel.

Joined in 2010
June 17, 2010, 05:34

thank you AVB. i will check out the link. … maybe the link will answer this question, but …

you said

“Can i suggest that you try and focus on the fundamental ones”

what are the fundamental questions i need to be focusing on?

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
June 17, 2010, 15:28

I am going to be a good coach here…….hehe…..and throw that question back to you.

If you were advising someone in your situation as to how to handle moving forward………what would be the fundamental things you think they should focus on.

Can you come up with three?

They may only narrow down to one in the end………and all the other things flow from that.

I have some ideas……but I’d like to hear your thoughts first.

Joined in 2010
June 19, 2010, 01:19

I’m sure you’re being a great coach, avb, but not the answer I’m looking for -lol 😉

I will most definitely answer my/your question, I just need to find some time to think and pray. my family and I are headed out on a two week vacation to the East coast of the USA… where my family is. if you don’t hear from me, that’s why.

this vacation will be very interesting … because we plan on sharing our current situation with some close friends and loved ones… eeekkk! …

Joined in 2010
June 19, 2010, 01:23

ps: check out my latest blog entry, if you can. I may have started to get to the bottom of why I’m having a hard time answering ‘our’ question.

Joined in 2010
June 19, 2010, 03:21


I can relate to you in every way. I had a conversation with my wife on Weds morning and tallked about the fact that if we are to remain together , I must be happy, whole and sane. Otherwise we will end up doing more emotional damamge to each other. As hard as it is , we have decided to seperate and I believe this the right way to go. It is not fair on her as she needs to,”be in a relationship where she can experience intimacy the way God intended”

This is the hardest decesion I have ever had to make and it cuts me up insidre as I will be speaking to my boys in the next few days about it. I want to be truthful with them so that they will repsect and understand what it means to live a real authentic life.

Enjoy your break, I know the feeling of having to talk to close friends as we had to 3 weeks ago……

Stay strong

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