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Christian Parents - Bad Reactions and what to do?

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Desperate4Truth
 
Joined in 2008
April 13, 2008, 09:51

I only wish that my parents would consider being in a group like that, however I doubt my parents would even contemplate being involved in such an organization. In their minds that would be accepting my sexuality. Anything with a rainbow attached to it would just be to “liberal”. Maybe if there was a “My son is gay and we dont want him to be” support group they might consider going. 😆

Frustrating but true. 😕



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 13, 2008, 12:50

I believe its called PFOX … http://www.pfox.org/ …but dont tell them about it okay



Desperate4Truth
 
Joined in 2008
April 13, 2008, 13:13

OMG. That figures there would be a site like that….. Just reading the first paragraph on their home page makes me angry!! That is the most manipulative, crafty statement Ive ever read.

I would love to see how many people are actually “converted” to normalcy. I feel so bad for those “ex-gay” men and women. I really hope they find happiness and they arent to damaged by such an attempt to make them “normal”

OOOOOHH!!!! THAT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!! 😡 😡



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 13, 2008, 13:55

settle Gretal…….:lol: 😆 😆 yep when they talk about change they infer that a person changes from homosexual to heterosexual…….but we know that the only change that essentially happens is that people control and suppress their orientation. I hoped that if I suppressed it long enough that eventually a ‘normal’ heterosexual desire would surface. Think I’ll start a new thread on this.



sojourner
 
Joined in 2008
April 13, 2008, 17:19

WOW John, Like, I’m half thinking you like know my mum and wrote that story with her as the main character-=- just goes to show how universal somethings are…. it also sounds really tough- I’m not out to my mum, but if she reacted like this I think I’d be devasted- my mum is a huge source of stability and support in my life as is, without even being out to her… I suppose at least this is much much much better than silence…


The sad thing is my mum is also a deeply conservative Christian as is a large part of my extended family, and so like I said I can soooo see things going down this path :S… though I have to say I do remember when I was little my mum talking about the issue – I think someone was saying: “Grrrr… stupid homosexuals, when will they learn to make the right choice and be normal like the rest of us” (lol, I only realised when I was older how wrong this was on soooo many levels, and I can hardly believe that this wasn’t really that long ago anyway!!) Mum immediately came back and said that it was hardly a choice if its something determined by genetics- so hopefully she’ll be a little more open-minded than I expect…


Ideally, that (open-mindedness) is the quality that is by far the best thing for a Christian parent to have for a son/daughter comming out… I know its probably too much to expect for most, and I don’t expect my mum to be convinced that its biblically ok (heck, I’m not even convinced myself, lol), but at the very least to be willing to accept that the relationships we have are just as loving as heterosexual relationships and to build on that base in terms of accepting your partner, etc… and oh my goodness, Wouldn’t it be like an amazing blessing if parents showed their support in the church, by not necessarily convincing them that its ok, but just trying to encourage sympathy and tolerance for the Gay community at large… Again, im not out to my church friends (lol, I sound like a bit a chicken now I’m sure…:P), but I’ve just been trying to encourage understanding of homosexuals, something that has been incredibly difficult when every second week the minister gets up and gives us an update on how well our churches courageous, bold and righteous (lol) attempt to ex-communicate the practicising gay clergy in America is proceeding…. But I think the difference talking about gay people without the spectre of judgement looming over the conversation can make goes a long way to working against the dehumanization we’ve kind of experienced….


Ciao!


Chris



Desperate4Truth
 
Joined in 2008
April 14, 2008, 03:13

I know what you mean Chris. My entire family, extended family, aunts, uncles, Grandparents feel like that. I hope your Mom is a little more openminded than mine is. Hopefully that quote your mom said about the gays not “having a choice if its genetic” might be a glimps of how she really feels or might be willing to feel at least. As much as it hurts me know, Im glad I got all this out in the open. I figured, the sooner I start down this path, the sooner I can get them to move towards some kind of resolution. I knew EXACTLY how they were going to react, which is why I put off coming out. I just hope that in time, they will loosen up a bit and see that Im not some evil deceived person. Its good to know that Im not the only one out there with a family like this! 😉


L!!M!!A!!O!! @


settle Gretal…….


AHH HA HA HA HA!!!


Im so gonna say that the next time somebody gets upset at work. LOVING IT! 😆 😆


Sorry, grew up in a small town, little things keep me entertained. LOL!! 😆



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 18, 2008, 08:17

Hey Chris….I dont think I’ve welcomed you before.


I think the key is to always work on the attitude and not the theology. Nothing gets through if the attitude is unchristian. That is the change we are seeing. People having a change of attitude.


The next thing is for us to be educated about the scientific research on sexual orientation. When we can speak intelligently it certainly helps……and shows we have done our research.


its a process.



Andrew Jones
 
Joined in 2008
April 18, 2008, 15:09

I took my time with my family. I started with my parents first and then my siblings.


It was gradual and gentle.


I think our parents need to see we are OK with ourselves – they want us to be happy and fulfilled. When they see we are comfortable in our own skin they seem to relax with us. My parents aren’t believers as such so I didn’t really have to contend with church dogma and traditions.


DO: take things at your pace. You disclose when you are ready and strong. There is no rush and all things work for the good … in the end.


DON”T: habour feelings of loss or rejection for long if that is your experience. Don’t be ashamed you are awesome.



sojourner
 
Joined in 2008
April 19, 2008, 03:03

Yeah- it would be every persons hope that parents would be happy with seeing their kids fulfilled and happy… I’m more realistic though, I know my parents want whats best for me and I can so see the thoughts that would be ticking in their heads…. “He might think this is right, but it isn’t!” “He might be happy now… but in the long run…”- thats why I think the best I can really hope for is my parents accepting my decisions, giving me space to follow them through and perhaps, like you said Andrew, given alot of time, recognise the sincerity and worth of the love between two men… which for me on my own personal change in perspective, was a pivotal realisation….


Funnily enough, today I was trying to dry a new shirt I bought yesterday under the carport (when will this rain end!!!) and my dad saw this shirt which just happens to be very *cough* pink *cough*… he was like: “Why on earth did you buy a pink shirt?” I explained to him the shop keeper said the colour was designed to fade out to a kind of peach… (which it didn’t, its still a shade of pink, that would put madonna in the 80’s to shame) he then said jokingly: “Well whatever you do, don’t get caught on Oxford St wearing that!!”… oh the irony… and that brings an end to Chris’ random story for the day…


Oh, and thanks for the welcome Anthony! I really do commend you and the other mods for the ministry of this site… it seems to be a really close knit, supportive community….


Ciao!


Chris



Desperate4Truth
 
Joined in 2008
April 19, 2008, 05:28

I’m more realistic though, I know my parents want whats best for me and I can so see the thoughts that would be ticking in their heads…. “He might think this is right, but it isn’t!” “He might be happy now… but in the long run…”-


That is my parents to a Tee!!!!!


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