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Coming out at 51

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Rainbow Girl
 
Joined in 2011
March 24, 2012, 13:01

Hi All

How are things with me? Depression still nips at my heels and on some days threatens to trip me up.

At this point in time my life is reasonably stress free, which helps to keep depression at bay. I no longer feel the anxiety and panic I had been experiencing. From time to time I still feel low and overwhelmed … sometimes sad.

Having freed myself of the things which brought stress means I can face each day with a more positive frame of mind.

Having loads of free time has it's up side. I've rediscovered my appetite for reading and have been devouring books from the library; memoirs and biographies.


I've made the decision to write every day, as a discipline. Just write. So far my efforts show me I'm far from disciplined. I enjoy writing. I'm considering writing 'my story'; about my journey to find my true self.

I've heard it told that writing while depressed is good therapy, and great things can come from the dark seasons of life.

Maybe a blog? Maybe not just yet. Writing for my own benefit is all I can cope with right now.


I've joined a walking group consisting of people in their sixties and seventies, mostly. I love it! They are sweet and accepting and lively. The conversation is varied and interesting, and the fresh air and exercise does me no end of good. Once a week we sojourn off to somewhere around the area to take in the beauty of our splendid countryside, amidst some huffing and puffing. A brief stop for lunch sees us onto the gentler part of the walk, until we arrive back at our vehicles four hours later, all tired but smiling, and waving a cheery farewell until next time.


I must say, life has taken some new and surprising turns of late. I moved in with my partner a couple of weeks ago. We're going extremely well. I medicate myself daily, as instructed by my GP. I drag myself out to exercise after enjoying a slow morning ritual of breakfast in bed and a morning read. I see my children regularly now. My husband copes better, but seeing me brings emotions to the fore. At least we're both on friendly terms with each other.


Life chugs on with its challenges and delights. I take it one day at a time. I only have now …


Rainbow Girl



forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
March 24, 2012, 15:44

Ah, Rainbow Girl – so good to read your update. See, it DOES get better. Just takes time.


There's lot's of evidence that exercise (especially in an attractive low-stress environment .. .. .. like tramping [we say 'bush-walking'] is really good for one physically and psychologically.


Also great that you and hubby are on talking terms. Any relationship break-up is hard, but more so in your sort of circumstances. Has he been able to access any of those helping resources we suggested previously?


When thinking & journalling, be sure to concentrate on the positive aspects more than the negatives. Sorry I missed you when I passed through town recently.


God bless ~ david



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
March 24, 2012, 18:10

Hi Rainbow Girl,


Wow you donโ€™t sit still do you, Iโ€™m really thrilled you are making a new life for yourself with your new partner. Yes journaling can be very therapeutic, so can exercise, sounds like you are a doing all the right things for yourself.


Sorry to hear you have times of depression, it is understandable, even though you have moved on to what you feel is a better life for you; you will still grieve for the loss of the old life. As you continue to build your new life, things will continue to get better. Have to remember it all hasnโ€™t been that long, yet you have done so much. You are an amazing women with incredible strength.


So good things have settled with your husband and that you can now talk on better terms, things will continue to get better for the two on you, hopefully he will also move on into a new relationship in time.


Keeping looking after yourself and please stay in touch I do think of you often and wonder how you are going.


God Bless



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
March 24, 2012, 18:18

Hi Rainbow Girl

You're an inspiration! Glad that life is improving and you're enjoying some healthy routines. ๐Ÿ™‚

Exercise releases endorphins which helps mitigate depression. Apart from that, there are the other benefits of fitness and socialising with your group as you've found. And writing can be very cathartic as well as something that allows you to develop greater self awareness, while containing and organising your experiences.

Good for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Blessings,

Ann Maree



Rainbow Girl
 
Joined in 2011
March 26, 2012, 13:37

As far as I know my husband hasn't been to any counseling, or websites that would be in any way supportive of homosexuality. He thinks I'm wrong and one day I'll come to my senses and see clearly. He has been attending church services once again, though, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. While the people there would be a source of support and encouragement to him, they may also fuel his wrongly held beliefs about being gay and christian. Oh well … time will tell him that things are not going to change. Hopefully he will also have a change of heart and mind concerning things he currently believes to be so.

We both attended our son and daughter-in-laws graduation ceremony. Very proud. At times there was awkwardness, as my husband showed that it was difficult being around me.


I feel I've spent the past few months thinking about my situation and my life; dwelling on myself and my emotional state. Now, I want to give rather than receive. Now it's time to look outwardly to see the needs around me, and move towards meeting the needs of others. I don't know what this will look like, or what shape it will take. I just know I have much to give, and somewhere, someone needs my help. I trust God to lead me onto the next part of my journey. It's time for this butterfly to use her wings ๐Ÿ™‚

Rainbow Girl



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
March 26, 2012, 13:41

Rainbow Girl,


I think you are incredible, you are a real inspiration, your strength, courage and determination. Your positive outlook on life, you are wonderful, I pray you receive all the happiness, love, peace and joy you really deserve ๐Ÿ™‚


God Bless



sarab
 
Joined in 2011
March 28, 2012, 10:04

Hi Rainbow Girl,

it's been lovely to read your update – thanks for sharing.

What a lot has happened to you in a relatively short period of time – the word "journey" hardly seems adequate.

I know that I and many who share on this forum can appreciate in a tiny way the mental and emotional gymnastics – and accompanying exhaustion you must have been through. Congratulations to you for continuing to move forward.

Writing can indeed be so healing – a great way to contain thoughts on a page that otherwise might spiral out of control.

Also – looking back on what one has written in the past can be quite revealing and hopefully affirming and a testament to growth and positive change.

I nodded when I read your thoughts about wanting to give to others – after having been in your own head space for a while. This resonates with me. it's quite a nice place to be isn't it? To begin to put your head up and say "OK now – enough of me for the moment… what now?"

My prayers and thoughts are with you – hope the black dog of depression doesn't nip at your heels too much.

Best wishes,

Sarab



Rainbow Girl
 
Joined in 2011
April 14, 2012, 15:50

I've decided to write a letter to my husband … with explanations and a sharing of my feelings towards him. Maybe as a closure to enable us to move forward. I haven't really had a decent conversation with him since I moved out. It'd be good for him to know how I feel; how I'm coping, and that I truly am sorry it ended up the way it did. I'll tell him about my journey as it stands, and let him know that I do care about him. I'm hopeful we'll end p to be on friendly terms and will be able to attend family functions without too much awkwardness. He may not realise that I have a great relationship with God, and I'm not backslidden or in rebellion.

I'll also write a letter to my older sister and actually come out to her. She knows what has happened as she's heard it from others, and has stated she can't agree with a gay person being a Christian. But she hasn't really heard from me herself. It's time to be open. I know that I'm accepted and loved completely so I don't need to try and defend myself or argue right from wrong.

I'm going to apply for a job; a casual position being on-call to replace teacher-aides whenever they're off work. I think I'd cope with doing that.

I hope all are well here at F2b, and enjoying the last of the autumn weather, before winter hits.

Blessings and love,

Rainbow Girl



forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
April 14, 2012, 23:18

Rainbow Girl – G'day! A letter seems to be a common way of handling a 'coming out' situation. You may have noticed that from reading back through the Forum. Some even posted their draft so others (who have already been through a similar process) could give feedback.


We had a lady at our Sydney Chapter meeting a little while back who has come out as a lesbian after many years of marriage. She had her husband with her and he is supportive and understanding. Probably an unusual situation. But, we also have a number of ladies involved with freedom2b and on the Forum who are further down exactly the same journey as you are on. As merely an observer of such situations, it seems more healthy if one can achieve some ongoing positive connection, or at least a neutral connection – rather than the negativity of 'no contact' &/or rejection.


The pain of the process is inevitable, but it DOES pass. Please don't hesitate to ask for help as required – anywhere along the journey. Sometimes, we can arrange help via private messaging. Remember, there are also "straight spouse" contacts listed in our resource section.


I know that there are some who are praying for you at this challenging time. It WILL get better. God bless.



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
April 16, 2012, 09:52

Hi Rainbow Girl,


I admire your concern for your husband, that you wish to express your feelings towards him in and effort of closure for both of you and to hopefully enable the two of you to be friends. I think you are a really amazing caring person. You always seem to be concerned for other's how are they going and what you can do to make things easier for them. I would imagine when a relationship ends (whatever the circumstances) there would be a lot of things unsaid. So I think writing a letter to him would give the closure you both need. Maybe also encouraging him to write back to you, to give him that opportunity too.


I think it's also a good idea you are going to write to your sister and let her hear things from you. As we all know things can get skewed when information is second hand. I'm sure she would appreciate the letter coming from you as well. And you are right you do not need to defend yourself.


I'm so pleased that you are accepted and loved by your family.


You have taken some awesome big steps in the last few months, made some huge changes in your life. Finally being you. I'm so proud of you, you are an amazing women. You go girl.


God Bless


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