What is it that causes us to feel that we cant connect with God again, once we embrace our Homo/Bi/Trans sexuality? Is there something/s or one thing that caused you to re-connect after having rejected everything because you didnt feel you were acceptable? What would you say to someone who is afraid to embrace their Christianity again? What light did you find at the end of the tunnel?

I am asking these questions as a way of us helping one another and those who happen to come across F2B as a means of help because they are afraid to seek help in person. We are not a counselling service by any means but I know from personal experience that there is so much we can learn from each others journeys and by sharing where we are at. There is something about sharing and getting it out in the open, that causes a heralding in of healing or makes us realise how far we have actually come. I pray that anyone reading this or any of the posts has a revelation that God is a God of love and never once did he ever call us as humans abominations. Never once!!!

what are the clobber texts online?

Linda

here is the link Linny

http://www.freedom2b.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3058

Yes, it could quite possibly be that we are disconnected to start with and are following a god other than the one Jesus has presented to us. We follow a god presented by the “church” not necessarily the God and Father of Jesus as He presented Him.

I know God loves me and the things I beat myself over are nothing to do with sexual orientation issues at all, which is great and freeing but as you say my old version of who I was led to believe God was occassionally raises its ugly head.

I think for me … the cooling off God bit was because once I realised or actually knew that I was Gay 🙁 … see, it kind of dissapeared for approximately a year after receiving Christ and I thought I was healed of it… no, 😯 it was a year that a lot of healing took place… it was a year that I was on a huge learning curve, it was a year that really had full impact that I was on high and once things became down to earth… that’s when I realised that I wasn’t straight 😕 . I bargained with God, I begged for healing, I well actually threatened God himself (something that I am not so proud and rather embarrassed about) 😳 . For years it was me that moved away because I was repulsed by me, by who I was and am, not God. God found me at different points of life 😉 … he really had a big impact on me at different stages, when I called out for help God was there… so its weird, I’d be so good for weeks and then i would slip and would be so hard on myself.

I am at a good place in my life at the moment… still am 😐 … it just took me a while to work out that what I thought and what I know now is different. I mean, I always knew God loved me regardless of my sexuality and yet it was me that was having problems… I worked out that the more I punish myself… and by that I mean I loved God so much, I loved being involved in activities… I used to always threaten myself that if I slip then the punishment was that I would miss out on church or something that I liked so much that the very thing gave me a reason to basically live for God. As you can imagine… I got worst… for years I carried that baggage and the thought that I was not pure in God’s sight that I would avoid “holy” people who I admired and respected so much. I was glad that I got the crumbs of the left over food where everyone else enjoyed the banquet while I thought I was not worthy enough to be in God’s presence. It made me so sad.

I fell in love with a guy who was a pastor (been together for 12 years this month) and I continue to not like myself… he was attracted to me because of my humble ways… smile. He loved me for my ways and how I would committ myself to doing things, I kind of had this arrangement that God was there and so was I. That God will do his thing and I will do mine. 🙁 There was no connection for me. I miss my days of innocence – smile. I think we all miss those days when it was good, happy moments where things were clear and uncomplicated.

I’m not saying that God and I have fantastic relationship 😮 … at least I am working through issues about me being Gay and going to Church. I don’t have any hang ups… just feel so tired and dissapointed that I wasted so many years of my Christian life walking in circles. I beleive that one day God will touch my heart again and I will be revived and energetic… smile. I know I do good things and I pray for others and myself. It’s getting back into routines is quite difficult and stiffling through thoughts process to see if it is of God or not… issues weights down my life a little. Its not so simple and freer as when I was younger. 😆

After reading Anthony book – I mean I read books and heaps of books and I beleived what they said about me and I guess that’s why it kinda stuck in my head… then when I read Anthony I was struck by the honesty factor… I had trouble with Anthony book because it didn’t fit in with my “current” knowledge of God. I felt like I was excusing my sexuality and making it ok for me. Once I learnt that God had no real hang ups about me… it was fine with God… that God was more interested in my life with him than the side issues that I made it so big a problem.

Hmmmm that’s my personal experiences… I don’t have the doubt about me being Gay and Christian as I did before…there is a lot of beliefs and things I have read that kinda stuck in my head and makes it harder for me to accept myself and I can feel people’s attitudes towards homosexuals and it bothers me because I can see that while they are critical about Gay people they forget God’s grace. Hmmmm

Sigh… I know that I can talk to God anytime, I do… I see something touching and I am talking to God about it… or I see my colleague being so single and I say to God that it would be nice if he had someone special to spend his time… and only recently he has that love glow… its so cute! Giggles.

In work there are people that everyone positively tries not to interact whereas I think its wrong and annoy this person with my kindness and treating them as my equal with respect. Many see me as being so brave… I think its because I look at people from God’s perspective that I know that to not respond or interact would make them become distant and cranky, sometimes they need to know that their skills are of value and look at issues rather than feel like they are being attacked. 🙂