Hi,

I found this site after reading about Ben Gresham and how he came to grips with his identity. I think you guys do great work, keep it up!

I began to realise who I was when I was 14 but fought against it for a very long time. I imagined telling my parents and seeing the look of disappointment and hurt in their eyes, so resolved to be a proper son and do nothing about it. I read someone else’s story that they imagined being same-sex attracted was God’s way of making sure you didn’t sleep with any women before you found the one you were going to marry – I thought exactly the same thing at the time! How quaint and naive it seems now.

I sank into despair. I thought of marrying a woman anyway and trying to fit the norm. But I also read stories of men who had married women but left them in the end for a guy. I read of the women’s hurt and betrayal, and resolved I would never want to build a relationship on such a lie and cause that kind of grief to another.

I finally resolved to tell my parents after starting uni. I told dad first. He was surprised and kept doubting that I was telling the truth. He offered to take me to a brothel so that once I discovered the delights of women, I would realise the error of my ways. I was a bit taken aback – surely prostitution in itself was a sin? I refused. In the end he seemed accepting and kind, at least at first. We kept it between ourselves.

I told mum a few months later. She too seemed fine at first. But as the days went on, her approach got worse. Those were dark and awful times full of homophobic rantings and very painful conversations, and I could barely stand it. Thinking of suicide seems like a tragic and wholly unnecessary rite of passage for many gay youth, and unfortunately it happened to me too. Now I see life as a rollercoaster, which you shouldn’t push in to get out first – wait your turn 😛

I had also read the God Delusion and thought that there were too many inconsistencies in religion for it to be true. Now I do have room for God, but I think that no human religion (Christianity, Buddhism, the Flying Spaghetti Monster) can accurately reflect the essence of a being whose intelligence and faculties would have to exceed ours by far. But certainly the Jesus of love and compassion is a very admirable and wonderful example for others to follow – it’s a shame that so many bigots professing to follow Him are such poor spokespeople for His cause.

I finally managed to move out of home some time ago. I still keep in touch with my parents and try to avoid the topic to have a good time together. I have accepted that I cannot change their strongly held beliefs and realise that unconditional love goes both ways – they may not be the parents I would want, but I am not the son they would want either. I know that underneath their misguided views are two very good people who truly believe they are following God’s will, even though it causes me some pain. I have agreed to disagree with them on this issue. I love them but am very happy not to be under the same roof anymore.

I have also come out to some of my closest friends who are quite supportive. I am not open to the world at large yet however. I would be happy to meet others with similar experiences, as there is strength in numbers.

I wish all of you the very best. Cheers!

Thanks for the kind welcome Ann Marie! If I am ever down south I would love to visit one of your events for sure. Hope the weather down there is better than Brisbane, we’re getting lashed by a monsoon up here! 🙂

Holy cow!!

Greengoose, you have no idea how happy I am to see this post. God has been very good to us gay Christians up in Qld lately. Lots of networking going on. 2quick in GC, a Christmas party for GCN guys in 2 weekends, and now you are here. Months of nothing and now everything all at once!

I’m a 23 year old Gay Christian guy living in Brisbane. You can read all my dirt here: http://www.freedom2b.org/topic/1138

I just got back from a trip down to Sydney were I got to go to a Chapter meeting and meet many of the freedom 2 be members. They really are a great bunch.

Things are getting pretty busy for me this time of year. But if you want to meet up please just send me a PM. Alternatively there is a Christmas party for gay Christians in Brisbane being organised for the 18th and I can get you details if you would like them. There are murmurs of a F2B chapter starting up here in 2011.

Thanks for all the replies!

Anthony – no doubt it is hardest for the pioneers, who clear the way for those who come after them, so thanks to you and the founders of this group. It’s great to feel like not the only person out there facing these sorts of dilemmas. The idea of a Brisbane chapter sounds awesome.

MrSummit – it was your story that inspired me to join up and post on this site (I was just going to browse and read people’s stories because I thought it was just a Sydney/Melbourne thing). I read a lot of things in your story that certainly sounded familiar to my own experiences. I would certainly like to catch up and chat with you. I’ll send you a PM to organise it. By the way, that letter to your parents is beautifully written – I wish I had thought of something like that instead of just deciding to tell mine directly.

Ben – Thanks! I do admire the way you’ve managed to square the circle and integrate your faith and the rest of your life so smoothly. Inspiring stuff.

Welcome to freedom2b greengoose.

Thanks for sharing your story with us here. Yep, the coming out process is a continual one for most gay people.

The assumption of heterosexuality I think is something that we as part of the LGBT community need to address as part of our individual journeys. Dispelling the myths and stereotypes is not easy but can be very rewarding when people’s attitudes change and they become more accepting, understanding and affirming of our identity and our true selves.