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Gay men and lesbians - different or the same

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Lady Jane
 
Joined in 2009
December 6, 2009, 22:02

Hi all,

this is my first post, although I have been a ‘lurker’ for some time.

I finally registered because it seem that more women are needed to even out the number, so here is one more.

I am relatively ‘new” (better late than never!) and in the acronim that getting longer (GLBTIQ), I am not even sure yet where I fit (B or Q, or…). I guess the answer will become clearer later.


Anyway, regarding the differences between gays and lesbians, it seems to me that our gay brothers are very protective of our sensitivities. AVB said once that what it’s said in gay male company may offend us.

I can only speak for myself, but I do not get offended very easily by strong language or jokes (If this is what you meant, AVB)’

I am also not in favour separate groups for men and women. Together, we can enrich each other and learn form each other, and be stronger.

Keeping the sexes separate makes me think of men retiring to smoke their cigars and women going together to wash and dry the dishes. Maybe this comparison is not accurate, but this is what springs to my mind.

🙂 🙂



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
December 7, 2009, 10:29

Hi Lady Jane and welcome to F2b, which I’ve just discovered has had a cool makeover since last time I checked. If and when you’re ready we would love to hear something about you, either in the ‘Telling Our Stories’ section or just some random facts. I hope that you find your time as a ‘poster’ even more enjoyable than being a lurker.


I regards to the gay/lesbian thing: The thing I don’t understand is this whole notion that lesbians have sensitivities seperate to the rest of the world, or seperate to gay men. I mean, we wouldn’t say “Oh I won’t make racist jokes today because it may offend a black person.” You shouldn’t make racist jokes regardless of who is present. The same goes for gay men’s jokes or overly descriptive sexual talk or banter don’t you think? I mean there are tactful and sensitive ways to say almost anything and there are things that are simply not appropriate for public discussion no matter who you are.


Perhaps I’m just an old fuddy duddy but I don’t particularly enjoy being seperated as needing to be protected, it’s rather patronising.



frogger
 
Joined in 2005
December 11, 2009, 23:05

heya. I dont go the meetings and come on here intermittently because im so busy running stuff outside of work. I also dont like a corporate meeting and as lots of F2B things are in ACON…. thats part of it.


I also dont want to go to a meeting knowing they are all boys. Maybe, what you need is a female spokesperson as well as males. People who talk in the media etc. Females running the events, the agenda and process of discussion is very male dominant.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
December 12, 2009, 23:15

Welcome lady jayne…..nice to have you come out of the shadows…..and add your voice here.


the thing that you may have heard me speak about is that gay men often talk quite explicitly and freely about sexual things and encounters. From my observation this is not usually the case with lesbians. The conversations of the two groups are quite different……as with heterosexual males and females.


I think it helps for gay men to be sensitive that would they might talk about freely with other gay men…….might be quite offensive with lesbian company around. Some gay men think that because the ladies are also homosexual it means that they think and behave the same.


Does that make sense?

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
December 12, 2009, 23:29

heya. I dont go the meetings and come on here intermittently because im so busy running stuff outside of work. I also dont like a corporate meeting and as lots of F2B things are in ACON…. thats part of it.


I also dont want to go to a meeting knowing they are all boys. Maybe, what you need is a female spokesperson as well as males. People who talk in the media etc. Females running the events, the agenda and process of discussion is very male dominant.


We have two ladies on the Board……and after our AGM…one is co-convenor with me. She is not a media person though.


We have always endeavoured to have gender balance on the board and mostly have managed to do that over the last four years.


We have two ladies running the melbourne chapter….it works well….and is quite mixed.


In Sydney its been hard to have any female leadership as we have none……it certainly not that they have been made feel unwelcome……quite the opposite actually.


there was a time the sydney meetings only had guys around 40 and over………then slowly the younger guys came in…..we encouraged and supported them. then we reached a tipping point it seems. Its now about 50/50……and we have also set up a youth group to meet there specific needs.


If we get enough ladies along….and they want to meet separately…..I have no problem with that.

matt
 
Joined in 2007
December 15, 2009, 13:41

Hello All


Being Gay can be a ‘Please explain? sometimes, when some people I meet still say to me, did not you want your own family one day, with having a baby. I had to sort of decline in the situation, because I just don’t like talking about the creation of a family of your own. For it is something, I have thought about, in sort of a Bi-Sexual way of thinking. So really Family life, must be a key topic, and point of interest. For if you remember a catholic rev, from St. Marys in Sydney, said

” Western Culture Soiciety’ are not producing many new born infants into this next generation, to a certain extent. ”




Something to only wonder about……..

Lady Jane
 
Joined in 2009
December 15, 2009, 23:11

Yes, Anthony, it does make sense. And your observation is probably right in general. However, individual differences may exist within the same genders, and there may be gay men who are offended by explicit sexual talk and lesbians who are not. ‘Explicit’ can mean ‘open and honest’ rather than ‘offensive’

Anyway, I have three more days left at work, and then I’ll have so much needed ‘me’ time and come to Sydeny too.

I will post my (abridged) story too later (apologies, you’ve read it already). I am now going to reply to Sandy

Lady Jane
 
Joined in 2009
December 15, 2009, 23:30

HI Sandy, thanks for the welcoming words. I am only replying briefly today, I still have three very full days at work and then some free ‘me’ time finally! I will be coming to Sydney for Christmas. I will post my story then (I’ll let you know when I’ve done it ) although the more I think about it the more confusing it becomes (but then I guess everyone’s experiences and journey are different.


Regarding gender differences and explicit talk: it may not be gender differences but individual differences: someone may be more reserved and someone may need to talk a lot about certain issues. And if ‘explicit’ means honest and clear, I do not have any problem with it.

Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
December 16, 2009, 19:07

I think you’re right, its all very subjective. Hope you enjoy your ‘me’ time, I’ll look forward to reading your story when and if you post it.



frogger
 
Joined in 2005
December 17, 2009, 08:33

I agree that F2B is very welcoming to females. I remember having this discussion around lesbians not being involved a few years ago on here and there was no answer then either.

My partner and I often plan on coming, but we are just so FREAKING busy.


Maybe we should push ourselves a little harder. We already know alot of the people attending anyway, so its really not that scary!
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