After my most recent experience with trying to connect yet again, to a Christian church, which ended… well… not so greatly, I think I am done with trying to go back to Christianity as a spiritual path. I read a blog post recently in which, the author of the post asked: “Why are you so desperate to belong to a group of people who don’t want you? Why do you keep trying to press in amongst a bunch of folks who insist on closing you out? Do you really need to expose yourself to that kind of rejection again and again?”

I had to admit, after thinking about it, that the poster was correct. Why do I have this desperate need to fit in with a group of people with whom I have little in common these days?

I can’t help but think that my desire to be a part of that scene again was akin to the Israelits who “harked back to Egypt” after the exodus, only thinking about the food, and the shelter, whilst forgetting that they were slaves in that country.

I was thinking about the fellowship and the friends I used to have at church, and forgetting that in order to fit into that ‘niche’ I had to make myself a slave to oppression, magical thinking and denial. Why would I go back to that, now that I have tasted freedom?

Galations chapter 3 comes to mind…. I was allowing myself to be bewitched into thinking that things could be okay ‘back there’ (back under those old laws/rules) when in reality, they never can be. At least not until things radically change in the church. By the time that happens, it will probably be too late for me. I think it is too late already.

I don’t mean to say by any of this that every person in the churches I have tried to fit into has rejected me. That would simply be untrue. I have met some wonderful people whom I consider to be my friends, but the sideways glances, the little ‘comments’ the barbs, carefully hidden inside platitudes have been too many to continue to ignore. I need to separate myself from that kind of hurtful atmosphere and find my path elsewhere.

I believe that I am free to believe. Whether I attend a church or not is not the issue. The issue is whether I continue to grow and blossom into the freedom in which I have been made free, and not allow myself to come back under that old yoke of bondage.

Yes. I think I am done, and I feel so free!

Love and Light,

Hey, Meg…

With the attitude of your pastor towards same sex relationships… it is little wonder you have come to this decision. I am really pleased to read that you feel free to be free now… and I wish you encouragement, light and love on your ongoing journey of discovery. Thanks for sharing this part of your journey with us.

Spirit and Love are with you always… and I know you will find like minded people, with whom you can connect… would guess you have some of them already.

For all of us… the depthing continues… as we open ourselves up to it..

Take care today… and wishing you balm for the wounds that have come from those unloving and ignorant people who have hurt you….

Hugs

ammi

Hi Meg

From past discussions, I know that you gave things a really good go… I also appreciate how much courage it took to do so. The communications between you and the most recent pastor seemed hopeful for a while despite the differing opinions between you. I really liked the respectful way you came alongside him. So I don’t think there’s anything else you could have done.. And maybe reflecting on that is useful, or maybe not..

Getting to the point of being sure of your faith and truly standing on your own two feet takes a while doesn’t it? And from my own experience, there are no short cuts. I see it as a ‘dark night of the soul’ experience that is an exquisitely painful and yet beautiful part of the maturing process.

You’re doing really well and are a true inspiration. 🙂

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Thanks, Ann Maree.

I really had hope that this latest church, and pastor would be ‘the place’ for me, and I’m a little disappointed that it didn’t work out, and yet, it was a learning experience. It taught me to have the courage to state who I am and trust to the light/universe to guide me through whatever happened next. It was more of a positive experience for me, than a negative one, despite some of the barbs and wounds I caught in the process, I learned that I can survive that, and remain true to myself. That’s powerful!

Thanks for being there for me to use as a sounding board throughout the experience and for listening to my rants, doubts, and thoughts all this time. You’re a true friend and I pray that the balm ammi offered gives you the healing you seek.

Love and Light!

Ah, Meg .. .. .. we all feel for you at this time.

There’s something about that “imperishable seed” of belief (planted in us by God) which draws us back to Him, and there something about the need for fellowship and corporate worship which draws us back to attend church. Then we get burnt again (by the ignorance of others).

I pray that God will lead you to the right place and will help you to be strong and courageous in the circumstances.

Bless ya! – david