Forums

Married Gays vs Non-Married Gays

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6
 
 

magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
February 15, 2008, 11:40

lol Hey yeh!!!!!!!! I wonder how popular it would get wink


Your right Anthony, who has been brought up with a completely correct perception of God and what makes us think, we have a completely correct perception of God now? There will always be flaws found somewhere.

Every religion based on the Bible in some way can prove that “they” have it right, yet how many break offs are there “didnt Paul say a person should by faith do or not do what he believes is right, like to one eating pork will be sin yet to another it wont, yet neither are in the wrong”? he only used food as an example, Peter was only given food as an example yet it also implied people, so could it be that Pauls inclusion of food applies to other things too just like Peter had on the roof? I do believe so yes, all within the boundaries of love and respect and honour.


February 15, 2008, 20:09

lets face it…..who every grows up with the right concept of God. I’ve never met anyone. All of us have had to unlearning in order to find the truth…….sounds like a good title for a book…….. 😆 😉 😆


My point exactly. People should not force their religious ideas on their children as if it was the only way of seeing the world. They should be left to make their own informed decisions when they are older. I know it would have saved me a lot of heartache and despair.



Dove Snuggler
 
Joined in 2007
February 15, 2008, 21:08

Raskdog said:


‘Did they hold a gun to your head?’


No. But what part of ‘excommunication’ don’t you understand?


Raskdog said:


‘See to me that is bisexuality. A woman would not satisfy me for a day let alone 3 years.’


Raskdog it’s really quite superfluous what anyone thinks my experience was. It was my experience and it’s far too late to change it now. The fact that I’m prepared to speak honestly about it on a blog in an effort to help you and other readers understand another perspective is my right. The fact that you don’t understand is also your right. I have never been bisexual.


Raskdog said:


“…I hope the collective “you” realises that for us gay guys who have battled loneliness and isolation all our lives you often come across as superficial and arrogant.”


You appear to use the word arrogant quite freely Raskdog. Superficial? Please forgive me. Coming to terms with being gay at a mature age has been so intensely difficult that I lost my career and financial stability, almost all my friends and family support. I’ve been dangerously close to suicide. Strangely enough, I’ve also battled loneliness and isolation all my life.


Yet like you I’ve had the guts to be honest about my life on this blog and debate my own point of view. Perhaps we can cut the personal criticism?


Kit


February 15, 2008, 21:37


No. But what part of ‘excommunication’ don’t you understand?


I actually understand quite a lot of it since at the age of 16 my sister was hauled up in front of the congregation of around 500 people and excommunicated publicly without my parent’s prior knowledge. I remember my whole family sitting in tears as this was done and the utter humilation and degradation we all felt.


Ok, they threatened to excommunicate you if you had another gay relationship. Why could you not live then as a single celibate man like a lot of us chose to?


You appear to use the word arrogant quite freely Raskdog. Superficial? Please forgive me. Coming to terms with being gay at a mature age has been so intensely difficult that I lost my career and financial stability, almost all my friends and family support. I’ve been dangerously close to suicide. Strangely enough, I’ve also battled loneliness and isolation all my life. Yet like you I’ve had the guts to be honest about my life on this blog and debate my own point of view. Perhaps we can cut the personal criticism?


Kit


Sure. If you can show me where I made a personal criticism. I said that the collective “you” (i.e. gay married men) often come across as superficial and arrogant. I don’t believe I mentioned you in particular.



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
February 16, 2008, 10:21

I guess here is a situation where our wording can come across the wrong way, I know I have had that happen too. I hope you both can sort this through ok.


We need to be sensitive to someone elses journey and even if we dont understand the whys of what they did, just accept that it was where they were at, at that time. We all deal with pressure and stress differently.



Dove Snuggler
 
Joined in 2007
February 16, 2008, 22:35

Raskdog says:


“Ok, they threatened to excommunicate you if you had another gay relationship. Why could you not live then as a single celibate man like a lot of us chose to?”


Whether or not you accept my answer, there is one: my vocation, my whole life revolved around ministering to people through the church as a young pastor. I gave my entire 20’s (and all the years since) to give life to people. Not only was I threatened with excommunication, I was threatened that my dreams of ministering to young people would be dashed if I did not marry. They told me: “Single men end up in administration jobs in headquarters!”


After Bible college I was also stalked by a Salvation Army bandsman who used menacing phone calls, heavy breathing and threats that he was going ‘to get’ me. Then he turned up on my doorstep. At the same time I was cornered at headquarters by a Salvation Army ‘Bishop’ (actual title = Divisional Commander) and sexually assaulted.


Marriage was my fast-track way of escaping my living hell (of being a sex object to men in the church) and complying with the expectations of my ‘well-meaning’ mentors. I never imagined that one day I would publicly admit I was gay. I never imagined it could be possible. Now everything is different.


Raskdog also said:


“I said that the collective “you” (i.e. gay married men) often come across as superficial and arrogant. I don’t believe I mentioned you in particular.”


Raskdog, I admit I don’t have the same perspective you have on gay married men, even though I’ve met dozens of them. We are a greatly diverse group that I don’t think deserve to be typecast as superficial and arrogant. (Perhaps some are…) Some still parade as ‘straight’ in their present marriages or heterosexual relationships and some have moved on and live in (or seek) gay relationships today.


I personally think all members of the GLBTIQ community deserve a fair chance to find their place in the world without being scrutinised by their peers. However, I think the basic premise of this post is to bag out ex-married gays. I’m sure you have your reasons but I urge you to cut ex-married guys some slack.


I think it is healthier to focus on our common ground, not our differences.


Kit


February 16, 2008, 23:43


Marriage was my fast-track way of escaping my living hell (of being a sex object to men in the church) and complying with the expectations of my ‘well-meaning’ mentors. I never imagined that one day I would publicly admit I was gay. I never imagined it could be possible. Now everything is different


.


Fair enough. That must have been very hard to deal with. It’s the attitude that a lot of married gay men have that somehow they were victims of society and forced into marriage that irks me. What it’s basically saying is that they had it harder than guys who never married. Excuse me, but what a load of rot. There are plenty of gay guys, including myself, that grew up in an extremely hostile environment and didn’t get married. I endured ten years of isolation as a single Christian man before I came out, including three spent living by myself in a foreign culture as part of a mission group(WEC). And not only that gay married men feel they somehow deserve medals for finally coming out. Even though they reaped the benefits of family and financial security before they did so.



I think it is healthier to focus on our common ground, not our differences.


True but I think it is also healthy for ex-marrieds to realise that the more accepting world that they have come out to is a result of years of tribulation by men who refused to conform to society.



micott
 
Joined in 2008
February 17, 2008, 00:24

the grass is always greener I am married and admitting to gay and deply regret not having continued gay relationships earlier in my life.



Craig_Maynard
 
Joined in 2007
February 17, 2008, 00:26

I have to say that it annoys me when people who come out as gay after being married and having kids who complain about how hard it was for them to do. Cry me a river. At least they’ve had the best of both worlds. It takes a lot more courage, integrity and honesty to come out before you are married and give up the dream of ever having children and committing yourself to a life of possible loneliness rather than living dishonesty and hurting people in the process. A friend of mine is divorced with four kids and two grandkids always talks about how hard it was for him. It really gets on my nerves. I feel like telling him, “Shut up. I would give anything to have kids and one day grandkids.


Thoughts?


My first reaction was why would you be upset. I can see your perspective though to be honest. We all make decisions based on what is infront of us. I was lucky that I saw a marriage breakdown because the hubby who I felt was gay was actually gay and divorced and moved out… that shifted my undestanding and made me choose not to marry and put someone though this… really each of us are a by-product of what we know and so forth… count your blessings one by one is a song that comes to my mind.


Its a no win situation really. Who knows what’s the results only God knows and although it looks messy and crazy – just maybe its exactly what God wants to happen so that it brings many back to God. Hmmmm we we only see in small bits and not the big picture.


I actually admire people who do come out rather than stay in an unhealthy situation or have come out but choose to remain in marriage or remain married till the partner goes and then persue a life with the same sex.


Hmmmm Im responding to this first message and then will read the others perspective.


ta


Craig.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
February 17, 2008, 09:51

I dont actually here the woe is me stories all that much Raskdog…..and I probably hear more of the married gay stories than anyone.


We are the products of our societies conscouseness…..which for many of us at that time was homosexuals = criminal , sick. One way to escape/change was to get married.


We have all had different journeys can we accept that with a little less judgement and stereoptyping


Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6
 
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.088 seconds.