Hi Everyone

My name is Joel, I'm 25 and I'm a gay Christian. The subject line to this says it all basically. I grew up in a Christian home, but I knew from a young age that I was gay. My parents divorced when I was nine, and my brother and I lived with our mum. My dad remarried and moved to Sydney and later on to Canberra. Just after I turned 16, I moved to Canberra to complete year 11 & 12 and live with my dad and stepmother. It was at this time that I became acutely aware of my homosexual feelings, which caused me a lot of self loathing.

I always thought I was a Christian, I believed all the right stuff but I didn't have a relationship with God. This was a big part of my motivation in going to a Pentecostal church in the next suburb a week after I moved to Canberra. I believed with all my heart that if I became a 'real' Christian that God would take away my gay feelings and make me 'normal'. I believed this for so long, and I prayed for years for this to happen but it never did. My Christian friends would pray for me and lay hands on me for me to be healed, but all to no avail.I remember meeting with one of the pastors when I was having a bad bout of depression, and I confessed to her my struggle with homosexuality and depression. She told me that I had been 'infected with the double whammy of demonic possession', and had recommended that the leadership team of the church perform an exorcism on me. She also strongly recommended that I sign up to an online ex-gay program run by Exodus International. I THANKFULLY declined both her recommendations.

I went on for many years trying to repress my homosexuality, I settled for living in denial. In 2006 I met my wife, and we began to date, I believed with all my heart that pursuing this relationship was God's way of healing me, I believed that I could leave the 'gay stuff' in the past and pursue 'God's will' of a heterosexual relationship. I always loved my wife, but looking back I never loved her in the way she deserved, the connection was never what it was meant to be. In 2010 we got married and began our life together. We struggled big time in our marriage, while I had talked to her about my 'gay stuff' before we got married we were both very naive in thinking that it was all in the past.

In July this year my wife and I separated, believing that if we could have some space to work on some of the other issues in our marriage we could make it work. In September we made the mutual decision to end our marriage, knowing that the big issue of my homosexuality is something that would never change. We will be getting divorced next year after our 12 months of separation. Throughout the whole of my 3 year marriage, I dreamed, I fantasized about how wonderful it would be to have a boyfriend, but the thought of ending the marriage to pursue this was unbearable. So now, after 12 years of hating, rejecting, agonizing, and analyzing my homosexuality I have finally accepted it and have come out. I went on a first date with a wonderful guy last night, and I couldn't believe how intense the feelings and sense of enjoyment were, I am VERY MUCH looking forward to future dates. So when I say that I was married, getting divorced,and come out all before I was 26 I'm not joking! I am also writing a book about my experiences, and I hope that it will become a great resource for those who can relate to my story.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I'd love to hear what you think.

Thanks guys

Thanks, Mother Hen!

I've got another date lined up for Monday night! So excited! So good to actually be living an honest and genuine life! So good to actually allow myself to be excited about the possibility of having a boyfriend! Especially a really cute, and sweet one! So good to know that 12 years of hating, rejecting, repressing, and agonizing over my sexuality is now over! So excited to be coming up to Sydney next week to finally meet Ben Gresham, Sam Grebert and other Freedom 2 b'ers in the flesh at the Christmas dinner!

I was telling my mum the other night, that I have been asking God for a boyfriend for a little while now, and that to date God has not struck with me with a lightning bolt! So I'm taking that as a sign that it is ok for me to be praying for this.

So good to know and be living in and loving the truth!

Thank you Lord

Thank you Freedom 2 b

I'm praying, and believing with all my heart that there will be a Freedom 2 b group one day here in Canberra!

Good luck for tonight Joel 😉 have an awesome night out 🙂

Thanks Guys!

I just had my second date with Sam (not Sam Grebert btw lol) last night and it was wonderful! I think I might be falling for him.

He is the sweetest, cutest, guy I have ever met. He has a beautiful green eyes, and wonderful smile! We went to dinner and a movie last night, and the whole time during the movie all I wanted to do was put my arm around him, but I didn't because I don't want to come on too strong.

The very sad fact that I have had to accept is the during the whole 7 year I was with my my wife, and the 3 years we were married, I was never in love with her. I was in love with the idea of being a husband, and being 'normal'. I was in love with the idea of God using marriage to 'heal' me.

I know it is very early days, but I can see a future with Sam, a future in which I am being totally honest with myself, and a future where I can be totally myself in a relationship. A future where I can love the other person with all my heart.

It was so special to end our first date with a hug. This was the first time in my life that I have been hugged by a gay guy! Definitely hope it is not the last!

Thank you Freedom 2 b, for giving me the space to tell my story, I hope I can reach out to people and offer some hope.

Hi Michelle

Thank you!

I'll be coming up to Sydney today to come to the Christmas dinner, hope to see you there!

Joel