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My son told me he is Gay.

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Eric Lee
 
Joined in 2011
January 21, 2014, 10:47

Hi Blondie,


It's great to hear that you are well and that you and your son are getting on well! I think that's what every kids want – to be accepted by parents – it's the greatest gift ever. I'm lucky that I have great parents who are accepting. Once I have learnt that my parents still love me after coming out to them, the weight on my shoulder became so light that I felt like I was in heaven. Thank you for allowing your son to do so too!


Also, Stephen Fry – had a show on the ABC last night. If you missed it, you can catch up on iView. It's a good show to understand more about what LGBTI is going through.


God bless.

Blondie64
 
Joined in 2014
January 21, 2014, 11:45

Hi Mother Hen,


Just. Quick reply to your post before I rush to work! Thanks for being a great "Mum" to me when I needed it most as I've not been able to tell my mum which is hard and as my son has said it's his life And his news to tell, which is true and he hasn't crossed that bridge yet with his grandparents nor his own father, as he is not sure how they will take the news or if he's ready to tell them yet? To be perfectly honest I'm not sure how they will take it either.


How funny, you quoting me? I never thought that would happen in a million years, especially seeing I am so new to all this. Guess I have made some progress from 1 week ago when I go back and read how I felt at the time. My son called around and had a quick bite to eat with me this morning before I got ready to go to work, so that was nice. Well better go, rushing now. Thanks again for staying in touch, you too made me smile this morning. Feels nice to be able to do that again. Cheers Blondie xx

ShadowBoxer
Moderator
Joined in 2005
January 21, 2014, 12:10

On the same note as Eric's thread


There is a whole pile of books and movies and documentaries which some people find interesting….. so at some point you may be interested in looking into some of these. Im sure other people will have suggestions should you want anything in particular – so just ask – but Ill put some broad general pointers down for you


I mentioned earlier theres the Australian Story episode on Shelly Argent here http://www.abc.net.au/austory/specials/mumsword/default.htm

(About an Aussie Mum with two sons)


There are books on research – which range from popular to heavy ( I personally like a separate creation Chandler Burr – but not everyone finds it as absorbing as I do) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Separate_Creation – Its a little dated now too but Im not aware of anything more up to date thats quite so easy to read if you want the science. (available on Amazon BTW and usually you can get a second hand copy quite cheap)


There are theological books like "Being Gay Being Christian" http://beinggaybeingchristian.com/ or even a fresh translation of the new testament done by Dr A Nyland of Newcastle University (in NSW, Aus) that is sold under several names including

http://www.amazon.com/Study-Testament-Lesbians-Gays-Transgender/dp/0980443016 ( I also find that quite interesting)

(Lots of other resources and plenty of people here have their favourites so if you want reading in this area – just create a thread and ask – you will get lots of replies 🙂 )


On the movie front theres a wealth.of them

I havent seen this yet – its on my list though – and this may be interesting for you …..

The Doctors wife – a documentary (self made) about a gay couple moving to a QLD country town)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bH1YOxisw


and Lots of movies – like

Mambo Italiano – a Canadian Comedy about an Italian boy moving out and coming out to his parents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiVZQ944WaM

or

Saved! – about a girl going to a Christian school in the USA who finds out her BF is gay. (with a rebel McCauley Caulkin )

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332375/

or

Quite old now to but its Aussie – The sum of us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_eGUINTNHA


or (noting that not all Gays wear Drag and that there are straight and same sex cross dressers but I like the movie)

Kinky Boots

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0434124/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1


(Again – theres heaps and Im sure other people here have their favourites)


Finally – I know that you are in the country – and that getting these and other movies may not be easy. Your sons may be able to get some for you if you decide you do want to watch some. I used to do that for my Dad.

There is a company called quickflix that does DVD hire by mail. You select the movie by internet – they mail it to you and mail it back. You do however have to pay a monthly fee. There used to be another company that specialised in this area but I cant find them any more….


and of course if you are looking for anything on a particular area – just ask



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 21, 2014, 23:32

Hi Blondie64

Wow! Things are moving in a positive direction for you and quite quickly. Congratulations! I am so pleased for you. 🙂 It may feel like baby steps but I see that you are open to learning and growing and your son is too. This gives great hope for the future and your relationship with your son – I just know you will both be more than OK.

You might still have some ups and downs, as people do especially when adjusting to major news, but you are in the process of growing through it and that is a beautiful thing. Growing can be painful but it is still beautiful because it makes room for other things that are of value.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

davidt
 
Joined in 2009
January 22, 2014, 07:42

So pleased things are going so well. Your son must be very happy about that I am sure.

Probably wise not to "out" your son to anyone, by telling them he is gay without his permission. Coming out can be highly stressful and he needs to be able to cope with that in his own way and time. Last Sunday I came out to some friends I had known for some years, and they then told me they have a daughter who is gay, now living with her partner overseas. They are very accepting of her. But they also were quite concerned about telling their parents, the daughter's grandparents. But when their daughter did tell them, her grandfather wrote the most loving accepting letter to his grand-daughter. It went incredibly well. You just don't know.


There are lots of resources. Take your time though. I am sure you will be fine.

BTW I know Mother Hen, her husband and her son personally. They really are lovely people.


In Him

David

cheval319
 
Joined in 2014
January 22, 2014, 11:30

Hi Blondie,

I"m new to posting here though I've been looking for a while.

Our 16 year old daughter came out to us in Dec. 2012. It was tough, complicated by the additional feature that she was severely depressed for a while. We've come through that – the experience does get better, but be willing to take your time.

I just want to say that I'm really glad you've found this site so quickly. Support is essential. Talking to people who understand are part of that. There's a lot of wise advice on here.

Beyond Blue have recently published a very good secular resource: http://familieslikemine.beyondblue.org.au/#folio=1

It's well worth a read.

PFLAG is good if you're in a position to attend, when you feel able. My daughter brought home a pamphlet 3 times before I was willing to give it a go. Meeting the coordinator prior to attending a meeting helped.

I am a christian and found these websites to be invaluable.

1. http://www.gaychristian.net/index.php? – american, but the information is great. See the 'Learn about GCN' tab, Frequently asked questions and the 'Get resources and answers' tab, Gay Christian Answers(video).

2. http://gcnjustin.tumblr.com/ – go down the left hand column to 'my favourite posts'. They explained a lot of things that I was completely ignorant of.

3. http://www.patheos.com/blogs/loveisanorientation/ These posts also explained a lot of things I wanted to know. The titles usually make it clear what they are about.

There is a book of the same name which I also recommend: 'Love is an orientation' by Andrew Marin. It was given to me by a gay friend and had a profound effect on me. Not everyone thinks it goes far enough, but it spoke to me where I was.

I've recommended these sites as they have a kind, respectful ethos.

Just remember that you love your son and want a loving relationship with him and you and your family will get through this and become closer and stronger.

May God bless you all.

Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
January 23, 2014, 23:18

Hi Blondie,

Firstly I want to welcome you to the frredom2b community!

I have been reading through this thread this evening and would like to thank you for trusting us with your story 🙂

I have been 'on leave' from freedom2b so to speak so I havn't been on the forum for a little while. Freedom2b is an amazing community of volunteers and members, each one has a unique story of their own as you have probably discovered but also a wealth of knowledge and experiences. It is with this heart and soul that we reach out to others, with intention that we can offer support, hope and life. I am so glad to read of your encouragement from those who have been on this thread and that you are expressing a positive outlook.

I am a parent also however I am the one who 'came out' to my children and parents. Time sometimes brings amazing and unexpected change. You are doing what you know you can and loving your son is what he needs most. Having even one person from your family in your corner can make the most difficult situation bearable.

Please let us know (private message if you like) if we can assist you further. We have a pool of resources including, if you want, councelling support.

Warm regards

Michelle

Blondie64
 
Joined in 2014
February 3, 2014, 08:59

Hi Michelle,


Sorry it has taken me a while to reply. Thank you for your kind thoughts and encouragement. It has been a few weeks now since my son told me his news. Things have settled and we are talking, and he comes around occasionally for a quick visit. That said, things are sometimes awkward between us and I don't know why? I have accepted his news, told him he is and always will be my son and that I love him and that will never change, however, I find he is very guarded, and often defensive in his attitude and I find it awkward. I wonder, if I will ever have that mother & son ease we used to have, or does that just disappear? I don't want awkward but it is how it feels at times, and I don't know how to get around it? It is such an odd situation to be in. I told him I would like to meet his partner, to get to know him. He was a little sketchy around this so I let it go. He has shown me pictures of him tho but came out with an odd statement saying he would never give me his partners phone number ( mind you I never asked for that either) because he wouldn't want us talking to each other about stuff? I thought it an odd comment at the time and didn't quite know what to do with that? He also said he doesn't have face book either so you can't look him up? It hadn't even occurred to me to do that? Besides, I don't even know his partners last name he has only told me his first name basis, and shown me a couple of pictures after I asked if he had any, so I could see what he looked like? I can't understand why he is being like this it is just so odd, and it find it awkward? I just let it go at the time and didn't make to much of it, but deep down it bothers me that my son is being this way? Why do you think this is? Was it this way when you let your family in? Thoughts would be appreciated and may help?


Regards Blondie64.

Blondie64
 
Joined in 2014
February 3, 2014, 09:35

Hi Cheval319,


Thanks for your advice and thoughts and for taking the time to write. You are right, is has been a tough, complicated, experience and it is certainly a journey, one which I do hope becomes easier with time, and that the awkwardness between us at times will soon disappear. I find my son is quite defensive at times which is a little hard to handle and I don't understand why he is being like this with me? I hope that settles soon and we can have a mother & son relationship with ease like we used to. It's just hard and awkward at times. Beyond Blue site you recommended was good with reference to "families like mine" it was definitely worth the read and thanks for that recommendation. PFLAG, I haven't gone there as yet, meetings with groups of people is not really my thing, I am quite a private person and feel that would be a little uncomfortable for me – not sure if I would handle that? I've not read the book you recommended yet "Love is an Orientation" by Andrew Martin, sounds interesting – guess I would have to order the book somehow. can't exactly go to local bookshop to buy it – country town! I may be able to find it online somewhere will have to search. Your statement saying when you read it, it had a profound effect on you and spoke to you, had me intrigued that I should perhaps investigate this book?


I hope in time my relationship with my son will become closer and stronger, it's just at times it feels quite awkward and I struggle as to how I can get around this, he is quite guarded and defensive at times – it's just hard sometimes. Thanks again.


Cheers Blondie64

Blondie64
 
Joined in 2014
February 3, 2014, 09:56

Hi Davidt,


Thanks for your input. Just so you know, I have not "outed" my son to anyone, without his permission to do so. I am a very private person, hence the anonymity of this site. As I am sure coming out is a highly stressful time, it is also a stressful time as a mother to hear this news about my son. Also, being told we can't talk about it to anyone, is so unfair, when you need to be able to talk to someone, anyone, to be able to get emotions and feelings out as well as some objective help and understanding – I wish people concerned could just understand this basic human need? My seeking advice on this site has been invaluable to me, such a support but also great informative advice from an objective point of view and from experience and knowledge combined. At the time without it, I would of imploded, because my world as I knew it had been turned totally upside down and was quite unsettling and upsetting at the time – emotions get in the way. I needed help, time for dust to settle and advice – this was my way of dealing with overload of information. It was done in privacy of my own home, via Internet on an anonymous name, therefore I don't believe I have outed my son to anyone. I have respected his wishes not to tell, however, he gets to discuss this which is fair enough as it is his life, but so unfair that a mother is not allowed to discuss when in fact it affects her life too. I haven't even been able to tell my sister nor my mum, which at a time when I was devastated and needed their support was really hard. Perhaps in your advice, you need to consider this factor too. Also, I am happy to hear you know Mother Hen personally, she has been so kind, wise and her words were of great comfort to me in an incredible time of need, I don't know her personally, however I love her for that alone. It meant the world to me when I needed it.


thanks again for your time, I have been taking all advice, all angles of input on board, as I needed to hear from all parties concerned how this affected them, how they handled it, and how it all turned out. All in all it has been a positive experience for me so far, even though, at times my son is a little awkward, very guarded and I'm. To sure why but quite defensive at times? I hope with time, things will become easier and that we can become closer.


Cheers,


Blondie64
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