Thanks guys. Yeah, I think I’ll just politely end the discussion and wish him well in his journey. It’s gonna be hard to do this as I feel that he’ll attempt to contact me again sometime down the track. Now just gotta find the right words to say without being rude I guess.

Yep, polite, respectful, honest but direct.

Something happened to me last night while walking home … while sheltering from the rain under an awning, a young twentysomething guy who was also there started to make small conversation with me … after a short while he casually asked … take me home with you? …

I was shocked. My reflex response was … I’m not that sort of person …

What had I really said? Had I just denied my gay identity? Had I just assumed he wanted a “good time”? What did he really want? All these questions racing through my mind trying to make some logical sense for my answer.

Needless to say, sleep was rather difficult for me last night, and when I did get to sleep, the fire alarm went off at 5am in the morning.

After I had calmed down, 5 familiar words came to me that helped make the jigsaw puzzle fit. My morality is a choice (but my sexual orientation isn’t).

The guy did actually apologise to me, but I couldn’t help but think about his reasons for asking. He may not have been gay at all. Maybe he just wanted some companionship for the night. It certainly put my moral credentials on the spot, whether I liked it or not. As for the issue of my gay identity being possibly denied, I think I can safely say that I know who I am, why I said what I said, and that my value and belief systems have supported me in my time of need.

an interesting random encounter…

It’s a challenge to think about how we could respond to such a situation. WWJD?

Hi mobileguy,

It’s an interesting situation to ponder from a few angles. I agree: we are all attractive in one way or another and something about you was undoubtedly attractive to that guy.

In regards to what Jesus might do, I imagine he’d look beyond the statement made to underlying needs. That’s hard to do though in a chance meeting when you’re taken by surprise. Those needs are more likely to be discovered once rapport is established and this isn’t necessarily an instant thing. I remember once nursing a loveable scrap of a teenager who used to make advances toward myself and most of the female staff. She was aware that sexualising was easier for her to do than expressing how she really felt. Gradually, through encouragement and some honest but gentle feedback, she was shown how her comments made others uncomfortable, creating distance rather than the intimacy she craved. Over time she established enough trust with a few of us to express her true self and know that she was safe, accepted and valued. The inappropriate behaviours became less and less, others drew closer to her and she achieved some of the intimacy she was seeking.

Sometimes expressing how we truly feel helps another find more of their true self. And maybe you did this for that man in your encounter, mobileguy?

Hi mobileguy

Yes, you make very good points about how rejection and defences can steer us away from our true selves or how we might otherwise act.

The media’s portrayal of sex as something to be desired at all costs is not bearing any good fruit, and intimacy gets pushed into the background.

This is a great topic in and of itself, mobileguy. It’s interesting to ponder on the definitions of intimacy and how the over-emphasis on sex can compromise it. Sex as a physical act alone is very different to sex as a loving expression in the context of a trusting relationship. And there are so many false and unrealistic portrayals of sex out there as well. That puts a lot of pressure on people to perform like they see in the movies. Even going back to when we had sex education at school, it was very focused on the physical mechanics while emotions were never touched on. I think that’s strange given how many emotions can be triggered and involved alongide sexual relations.