Never in my wildest dreams: Journey of a boi 19 to a man 40

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Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
February 2, 2010, 22:47

sometimes reconnection with people from the past like this mobile guy can trigger the subconscious trauma we went through years ago.

I”ve had a person recently wanting to dialogue with me via email. It was pretty obvious his mind was made up on the issue of homosexuality……and wanted to me to explain theologically how I’ve come to this position……and debate me publicly.

I said no.

My choice…..waste of time and energy….why would I debate back and forth about something I’m totally convinced of with someone who believes the opposite. Life is too short.

so your choice who you engage with my friend…..and no one will judge you if yo say no.

Joined in 2008
February 4, 2010, 21:11

Thanks guys. Yeah, I think I’ll just politely end the discussion and wish him well in his journey. It’s gonna be hard to do this as I feel that he’ll attempt to contact me again sometime down the track. Now just gotta find the right words to say without being rude I guess.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
February 5, 2010, 00:59

there is the challenge……polite, respectful, honest yet direct.

I guess you could always let him know that you are living as an openly gay man these days……the issue of your sexuality and faith is resolved. If he’d like to connect with you as an accepting friend then the doors are open. If he feels that you are lost and need converting then there is no point in continuing the communication……you can wish him well and God bless.

is that too in your face.

Joined in 2008
February 6, 2010, 15:23

Yep, polite, respectful, honest but direct.

Something happened to me last night while walking home … while sheltering from the rain under an awning, a young twentysomething guy who was also there started to make small conversation with me … after a short while he casually asked … take me home with you? …

I was shocked. My reflex response was … I’m not that sort of person …

What had I really said? Had I just denied my gay identity? Had I just assumed he wanted a “good time”? What did he really want? All these questions racing through my mind trying to make some logical sense for my answer.

Needless to say, sleep was rather difficult for me last night, and when I did get to sleep, the fire alarm went off at 5am in the morning.

After I had calmed down, 5 familiar words came to me that helped make the jigsaw puzzle fit. My morality is a choice (but my sexual orientation isn’t).

The guy did actually apologise to me, but I couldn’t help but think about his reasons for asking. He may not have been gay at all. Maybe he just wanted some companionship for the night. It certainly put my moral credentials on the spot, whether I liked it or not. As for the issue of my gay identity being possibly denied, I think I can safely say that I know who I am, why I said what I said, and that my value and belief systems have supported me in my time of need.

Joined in 2007
February 6, 2010, 15:29

wow, I think something like that would have caught me by surprise too. I like how you resolved it, with the thought your morality is a choice but your orientation is not.

Sorry that you didn’t sleep so well afterwards though.

Joined in 2009
February 6, 2010, 16:28

an interesting random encounter…

It’s a challenge to think about how we could respond to such a situation. WWJD?

Joined in 2008
February 9, 2010, 21:17

What would Jesus do (WWJD)? I reckon he would say something alone the lines of “My home is not of this world” and then proceed to tell the guy about how he could enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Mind you, if I said that to the guy he’d probably think I was a fruitcake. I’ve been called a lot worse though. But yes, it is a challenge when someone propositions you and you’re not expecting it. The other side to this coin is that I’ve rarely thought of myself as outwardly attractive in one sense, something that I know is not particularly good for my self-esteem. Sure, I like to dress smartly and I’m always conscious of my fashion statements but I don’t go out of my way to somehow “flaunt” myself. I think a key lesson for me out of all of this is that we are all attractive in our own ways, and it’s not necessarily what’s on the outside that’s important, but our attitude and heart towards others that truely reflects who we are.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
February 11, 2010, 06:20

Hi mobileguy,

It’s an interesting situation to ponder from a few angles. I agree: we are all attractive in one way or another and something about you was undoubtedly attractive to that guy.

In regards to what Jesus might do, I imagine he’d look beyond the statement made to underlying needs. That’s hard to do though in a chance meeting when you’re taken by surprise. Those needs are more likely to be discovered once rapport is established and this isn’t necessarily an instant thing. I remember once nursing a loveable scrap of a teenager who used to make advances toward myself and most of the female staff. She was aware that sexualising was easier for her to do than expressing how she really felt. Gradually, through encouragement and some honest but gentle feedback, she was shown how her comments made others uncomfortable, creating distance rather than the intimacy she craved. Over time she established enough trust with a few of us to express her true self and know that she was safe, accepted and valued. The inappropriate behaviours became less and less, others drew closer to her and she achieved some of the intimacy she was seeking.

Sometimes expressing how we truly feel helps another find more of their true self. And maybe you did this for that man in your encounter, mobileguy?

Joined in 2008
February 14, 2010, 14:01

Yeah, you’re probably right Ann Maree.

Your story about the teenager struck a chord. It’s sad when people don’t for whatever reason express their true feelings towards others. Fear of being hurt, rejected or shunned can and does drive some people to do things they ordinarily wouldn’t dream of doing. The media’s portrayal of sex as something to be desired at all costs is not bearing any good fruit, and intimacy gets pushed into the background. That’s why I’m so grateful for safe spaces like ours for people needing healing and reconciliation.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
February 15, 2010, 15:06

Hi mobileguy

Yes, you make very good points about how rejection and defences can steer us away from our true selves or how we might otherwise act.

The media’s portrayal of sex as something to be desired at all costs is not bearing any good fruit, and intimacy gets pushed into the background.

This is a great topic in and of itself, mobileguy. It’s interesting to ponder on the definitions of intimacy and how the over-emphasis on sex can compromise it. Sex as a physical act alone is very different to sex as a loving expression in the context of a trusting relationship. And there are so many false and unrealistic portrayals of sex out there as well. That puts a lot of pressure on people to perform like they see in the movies. Even going back to when we had sex education at school, it was very focused on the physical mechanics while emotions were never touched on. I think that’s strange given how many emotions can be triggered and involved alongide sexual relations.

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