Well, I don’t have “strategies” per say…

Usually I either go for a run or try to spend time with people who I know like me.

Or I mope around at home and eat lots of chocolate.

Thoughts that we have been rejected by someone can affect all aspects of our lives, professional and personal. I am currently compiling a resource bank of strategies for people to use when they are struggling with feelings of rejection or love that is not reciprocated and thought I would tap into the wealth of experience from this forum.

What strategies do you use for feelings of rejection or unrequited love?

Me…….I walk away…..learnt from too many times of wasting weeks and months thinking, hoping, wishing, praying that his feelings for me would change. …..putting me in the victim corner. 🙁

I learnt that self respect is more important than anything and continue to allow myself to be treated as lesser is harmful and unhealthy to me. I value myself far more these days than I used to.

When being rejected by a person over a coffee, I said he was attacking who I was as a person, and that I was not giving him permission to do that. He capitulated fortunately, but had he not, I was prepared to walk away. Flight is often better than fight.

BTW he said that being gay was just a phase I was going through. I am 64 years. Pretty long phase eh! I just laughed.

I have a variety of strategies for dealing with any rejection – whether at work, in love, or in acquaintances, friendships, or family, or even in the way a finance company may reject my application for a higher credit card limit.

I accepted that our feelings of rejection are felt instantly, and cannot be controlled – and the intensity of the ‘hurt’ and how long it lasts varies, depending on what it relates to.

Taking action at work or dealing with a finance company rejection of your application is usually easier, as we can either have a meeting to discuss the issues or make a phone call to make a find out what we can do to overcome the obstacles.

But when it comes to relationships with family, friends or lovers, it is totally different, in that our emotions can change the whole tone, and sometimes, you can’t discuss it with the other person. Sometimes, you are left to work it out yourself, with only your perspective. And we are not just rational beings, and we have feelings that just need to be expressed.

I suppose, for me, I still try to rationalise it – acknowledging how I feel, and try and make sense of it – to try and understand why it happened or why the relationship broke down or even why it didn’t seem to even get started.

For example:

• My feelings weren’t reciprocated, or

• He didn’t see the relationship as I did. I.e. I was thinking long term. He was looking for uncomplicated hook up.

Of course, this sort of rationalising has given way to other thoughts.

• Maybe my feelings weren’t reciprocated – and I might elaborate on this thought with, he is emotionally unavailable, or

• He didn’t see the relationship as I did, because he is shallow and unromantic, or.

• He’s not relationship material, or

• I find all the reasons, however small, for why the relationship didn’t work (i.e. he did clean up after himself), or

• worse, maybe there is something wrong with me – maybe I came on too strong / did I say the wrong thing? etc, etc, etc.

And so on and so on….

Anyway, I have realised, painfully, that this sort of thinking usually leads as AVB described to, “too many times of wasting weeks and months thinking, hoping, wishing, and praying that his feelings for me would change……putting me in the victim corner”.

So, I try to be a bit more positive with my response and not be the victim, and begin a process of moving forward by focussing on something else.

• Catching up with friends (sort of reminds me that I am important to some people).

• Making sense or creating order of something in my life – like cleaning up a room or in some cases the whole house or garden. (Depending on how upset I feel). 😐

• I also throw myself into tasks that I can feel the satisfaction of achieving something, creating a positive or something that I have some control over.

• Go to the gym
  

• Listen to music or watch a movie

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LIKE BUTTON

Querido Familia,

When dealing with romantic rejection, it helps to first recite these three affirmations (originally phrased by Martin Seligman):

1. It wasn’t my fault. This person just wasn’t for me.

2. It hurts now and the hurt is real. The hurt will dull with time.

3. I am a wonderful person. There will be someone who will see that.

This puts the feeling into perspective and helps one to focus the pain and gather yourself for the healing process.

Yours in Christ,

Raul