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Strategies for dealing with Rejection

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forwardtherapy
 
Joined in 2009
April 12, 2011, 21:13

Thoughts that we have been rejected by someone can affect all aspects of our lives, professional and personal. I am currently compiling a resource bank of strategies for people to use when they are struggling with feelings of rejection or love that is not reciprocated and thought I would tap into the wealth of experience from this forum.


What strategies do you use for feelings of rejection or unrequited love?



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
April 12, 2011, 23:20

Well, I don’t have “strategies” per say…


Usually I either go for a run or try to spend time with people who I know like me.


Or I mope around at home and eat lots of chocolate.



Guest

April 13, 2011, 13:22

Mmmmm, chocolate…..



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 13, 2011, 19:00

Thoughts that we have been rejected by someone can affect all aspects of our lives, professional and personal. I am currently compiling a resource bank of strategies for people to use when they are struggling with feelings of rejection or love that is not reciprocated and thought I would tap into the wealth of experience from this forum.


What strategies do you use for feelings of rejection or unrequited love?


Me…….I walk away…..learnt from too many times of wasting weeks and months thinking, hoping, wishing, praying that his feelings for me would change. …..putting me in the victim corner. 🙁


I learnt that self respect is more important than anything and continue to allow myself to be treated as lesser is harmful and unhealthy to me. I value myself far more these days than I used to.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 13, 2011, 21:18

Hey forwardtherapy


Thanks for this great topic idea. It’s very relevant and timely for me as I’ve been dealing with some very painful rejections of late.


I’ve found a few things that help a bit which include the following:


being with supportive friends that encourage and make me laugh; keeping busy and trying new things (refer to Pleasant Activities list online); reinventing myself and having a makeover; physical exercise; exploring issues in therapy, recognising unhelpful patterns and making some changes; reading Dark Nights of the Soul; creating a vision board with positive and specific affirmations; saying affirmations using emotions and movement on a regular basis; referring to my list of values and finding ways to increase my expression of these; reminding myself that I want to be with someone who shares and complements these values and looking for these in others; meeting new people; being extra kind to myself.


Hope that helps. What a wonderful idea to create a directory like this!


Blessings,


Ann Maree



davidt
 
Joined in 2009
April 13, 2011, 22:08

When being rejected by a person over a coffee, I said he was attacking who I was as a person, and that I was not giving him permission to do that. He capitulated fortunately, but had he not, I was prepared to walk away. Flight is often better than fight.


BTW he said that being gay was just a phase I was going through. I am 64 years. Pretty long phase eh! I just laughed.



Boi70
 
Joined in 2007
April 14, 2011, 17:22

I have a variety of strategies for dealing with any rejection – whether at work, in love, or in acquaintances, friendships, or family, or even in the way a finance company may reject my application for a higher credit card limit.


I accepted that our feelings of rejection are felt instantly, and cannot be controlled – and the intensity of the ‘hurt’ and how long it lasts varies, depending on what it relates to.


Taking action at work or dealing with a finance company rejection of your application is usually easier, as we can either have a meeting to discuss the issues or make a phone call to make a find out what we can do to overcome the obstacles.


But when it comes to relationships with family, friends or lovers, it is totally different, in that our emotions can change the whole tone, and sometimes, you can’t discuss it with the other person. Sometimes, you are left to work it out yourself, with only your perspective. And we are not just rational beings, and we have feelings that just need to be expressed.


I suppose, for me, I still try to rationalise it – acknowledging how I feel, and try and make sense of it – to try and understand why it happened or why the relationship broke down or even why it didn’t seem to even get started.


For example:



  • My feelings weren’t reciprocated, or



  • He didn’t see the relationship as I did. I.e. I was thinking long term. He was looking for uncomplicated hook up.


Of course, this sort of rationalising has given way to other thoughts.



  • Maybe my feelings weren’t reciprocated – and I might elaborate on this thought with, he is emotionally unavailable, or



  • He didn’t see the relationship as I did, because he is shallow and unromantic, or.



  • He’s not relationship material, or



  • I find all the reasons, however small, for why the relationship didn’t work (i.e. he did clean up after himself), or



  • worse, maybe there is something wrong with me – maybe I came on too strong / did I say the wrong thing? etc, etc, etc.


And so on and so on….


Anyway, I have realised, painfully, that this sort of thinking usually leads as AVB described to, “too many times of wasting weeks and months thinking, hoping, wishing, and praying that his feelings for me would change……putting me in the victim corner”.


So, I try to be a bit more positive with my response and not be the victim, and begin a process of moving forward by focussing on something else.




    • Catching up with friends (sort of reminds me that I am important to some people).




  • Making sense or creating order of something in my life – like cleaning up a room or in some cases the whole house or garden. (Depending on how upset I feel). 😐



  • I also throw myself into tasks that I can feel the satisfaction of achieving something, creating a positive or something that I have some control over.



  • Go to the gym



  • Listen to music or watch a movie


.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 14, 2011, 20:50

I have a variety of strategies for dealing with any rejection – whether at work, in love, or in acquaintances, friendships, or family, or even in the way a finance company may reject my application for a higher credit card limit.


I accepted that our feelings of rejection are felt instantly, and cannot be controlled – and the intensity of the ‘hurt’ and how long it lasts varies, depending on what it relates to.


Taking action at work or dealing with a finance company rejection of your application is usually easier, as we can either have a meeting to discuss the issues or make a phone call to make a find out what we can do to overcome the obstacles.


But when it comes to relationships with family, friends or lovers, it is totally different, in that our emotions can change the whole tone, and sometimes, you can’t discuss it with the other person. Sometimes, you are left to work it out yourself, with only your perspective. And we are not just rational beings, and we have feelings that just need to be expressed.


I suppose, for me, I still try to rationalise it – acknowledging how I feel, and try and make sense of it – to try and understand why it happened or why the relationship broke down or even why it didn’t seem to even get started.


For example:



  • My feelings weren’t reciprocated, or



  • He didn’t see the relationship as I did. I.e. I was thinking long term. He was looking for uncomplicated hook up.


Of course, this sort of rationalising has given way to other thoughts.



  • Maybe my feelings weren’t reciprocated – and I might elaborate on this thought with, he is emotionally unavailable, or



  • He didn’t see the relationship as I did, because he is shallow and unromantic, or.



  • He’s not relationship material, or



  • I find all the reasons, however small, for why the relationship didn’t work (i.e. he did clean up after himself), or



  • worse, maybe there is something wrong with me – maybe I came on too strong / did I say the wrong thing? etc, etc, etc.


And so on and so on….


Anyway, I have realised, painfully, that this sort of thinking usually leads as AVB described to, “too many times of wasting weeks and months thinking, hoping, wishing, and praying that his feelings for me would change……putting me in the victim corner”.


So, I try to be a bit more positive with my response and not be the victim, and begin a process of moving forward by focussing on something else.




    • Catching up with friends (sort of reminds me that I am important to some people).




  • Making sense or creating order of something in my life – like cleaning up a room or in some cases the whole house or garden. (Depending on how upset I feel). 😐



  • I also throw myself into tasks that I can feel the satisfaction of achieving something, creating a positive or something that I have some control over.



  • Go to the gym



  • Listen to music or watch a movie


.


LIKE BUTTON



forwardtherapy
 
Joined in 2009
April 22, 2011, 16:51

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions so far. I am going to compile these with others I have received through Facebook and other forums. More soon!



RaulG
 
Joined in 2010
April 23, 2011, 14:20

Querido Familia,


When dealing with romantic rejection, it helps to first recite these three affirmations (originally phrased by Martin Seligman):


1. It wasn’t my fault. This person just wasn’t for me.

2. It hurts now and the hurt is real. The hurt will dull with time.

3. I am a wonderful person. There will be someone who will see that.


This puts the feeling into perspective and helps one to focus the pain and gather yourself for the healing process.


Yours in Christ,


Raul


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