Hi
My name is Michele Brianna Rogers … but it was not always that. I was born in a small north Queensland town almost 36 years ago and given the name Michael Bruce (Yuk). Like most transsexuals I have never felt male … from my earliest memories I wanted to be and always felt female.
My family is Christian but not much for going to church though … I accepted Christ as my saviour when I was 14 and have been heavily involved myself in church life children’s ministries, church treasurer, elder. Got married at 29 and I am still married … my wife is just wonderful.
I tried to transition at 19-20 and was treated very badly … firstly by a psychiatrist and then through Counsellors I was sent to by the pastor of the church I was attending. Many people believe transsexuals chose the way we are or that we must have been treated badly as children because we want to transition from either M2F or F2M. The reality is we are born this way and in my case my innate gender is in fact female. Because of the intense psychotherapy trying to make me male I ended up with major depression, anxiety and was suicidal at one stage when I had a full breakdown. I was made to feel so much guilt and shame over my female feelings and emotions.
Finally through the courage of other transsexual ladies who got their stories out into the popular press I discovered that transsexualism was biological and my true gender is in fact female. My wife was ill at that stage so I couldn’t come out at least not publicly … it was at least 2-3 years before I could final start hormones.
When I came out I got mixed responses … my family were great and very supportive. My wife’s family were and still are mixed … her sisters are hot and cold saying their supportive but sometimes not showing it, her mum is trying to understand but her dad just hates me. My work colleagues and work friends have been great … but I lost all of my Christian friends none of them want anything to do with me. Not one bothered to find out the truth from me even though I did explain everything. Not one has asked what I believe to be true … they just judged and condemned me. It hurts as I thought they were real friends and it doesn’t seem to matter to them that all of my health problems have now gone. I had depression, anxiety plus I also experienced PMS (hot flushes, stomach and leg cramps, night sweats etc) symptoms since puberty … my female brain and endocrine system was causing my hormone levels to cycle the same as a natural born woman. As all the ladies out there can testify PMS is real and is not fun. I was not much fun to be around when that kick in and you could set you clock by it. As I got older it was getting worse too. I have since found out that there are other transsexual woman who have experienced PMS … I once shared this with a pastor friend who just yelled me.
My wife and I have faith in God but we are not welcome at our old churches to worship … well at least I am not … we would like to go back to a church but we have lost faith, not in God but in the organised church as we have been hurt so badly.
What is interesting is my wife didn’t like at first that I had to transition but she now loves me more as a woman then she ever did when I tried to live as a man. I am a lot easier to get along with much healthier and happier … that helps I think . Plus she gets to borrow my clothes. She gave me a beautiful bracelet for Valentines Day this year … she knows I love jewellery. This meant a lot to me as it was one her own bracelets and it had meant a lot to her personally … so for her to give to me meant a real a lot.
Like all transsexuals I have been through a lot of pain to get where I am and still have a long road ahead but for me (eg SRS this time next year) but at least I don’t have to pretend anymore.
|
