Hey everyone,

So, it turns out I shouldn't have trusted one of my best friends. I havn't told many people about my sexuality. Mostly cause I am still trying to massively work through it all and I am just not ready yet. But I have told 4 or of my closest friends. They were all really good about it. One of them, was a bit funny but still ok. She is just worried about me. But that worry was shown by going and talking to one of the pastors of my church/the church im leaving. The truth is, I am really struggling to leave my church because I have lots of good friends there, and I guess i don't wanna leave… yet when I go, its awkward and I feel so disconnected.

ANYWAY, the friend who was a bit worried talked to one of the pastors of our church, who came up to talk to me last night. I went along for part of the service cause I was rostered on to do offertory and wanted to honor that commitment. (I have asked to be removed from the rosters from April onwards). Anyway, to say it was an awkward conversation would be a massive understatement. I didn't help matters because I just had no idea what to say. I kind of just sat there silently, answering his questions but not really elaborating.

Now, I know what he said came out of love, and wanting me to be connected with God and living a Godly life, and so despite feeling emotional after it, I am trying to remember that. And what he said was actually not that bad. He said he and his wife (who obviously knows as well) wanted to encourage me and help me work through all this stuff. He said that if he hadnt married he would have remained celibate and maybe God has a life planned for me to be single. He asked if the bible had convicted me of my sin. He said there is nothing I can do to go too far from Gods grace to be forgiven so if I have slipped up I can still turn back to God for forgiveness. He said he doesn't want me to fall away from God and that I need to keep fighting against this sin. He also said that some temptations wont be taken away until we go to heaven, and that is what this might be like for me. He said he knows he cant pray it away and that I just need to keep fighting.

Then finally he recommended a ministry based in Sydney. He said that he wasn't sure if they had anything available in Canberra but that I should contact them. Anyway, they are called Liberty Christian Ministries. I looked them up and this is their little blurb on their home page

"Liberty Christian Ministries Incorporated offers support to men and women who struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions (USSA) and to those who have friends/relatives/spouses who have embraced the ‘gay’ lifestyle or have same-sex attractions.

Liberty Christian Ministries Inc. aims to:

Offer support, hope and education to Christian men and women who struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction. This can take the form of one-to-one meetings and running support groups;

Provide support to families, spouses and friends of those who have embraced a gay identity or are struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction. Support groups in the western and northern suburbs of Sydney are available to help meet this need;

Educate churches and individuals in an attempt to raise awareness about the Bible’s true perspective on sexuality and how it can be expressed in ways which honour Christ. We endeavour to equip churches to better care for the many people who struggle in this area and seek to live a life according to the standards set forth in Scripture. Liberty aims to do this by providing speakers for churches and conventions, upon request;

Meet needs through its online presence by providing critical insights on the issue of unwanted same-sex attractions with features such as book reviews, testimonies, audio and visual literature, commentary on social issues, links to affiliated ministries, answers to frequently asked questions, and other information"

They explicitly say they are not "ex-gay ministries" but that they know homosexuality is wrong and so they encourage people to live a Godly life despite their sexuality.

Anyway, I don't even know why I am posting this or what I am trying to say/ask. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. I am kind of wondering if anyone here has any insight into how I should respond to this. Is it time to just get away from this church? Or should I appreciate that they care enough to say this stuff? I am wondering if it is time I tell my dad, and maybe ask him to encourage me to not go to this church when I want to, because Im not sure how much willpower I have. I feel so very emotionally exhausted and torn because people have such differing opinions on this stuff and I am not sure how to form my own.

Sorry for the length of this post and the somewhat pointlessness of it. I really just don't know what to do.

Amy

Hi Amy

You poor thing!

I sense that your pastor is a loving person but completely misguided. He obviously doesn't know about the damage that Liberty causes and has caused people. There are many here who will be able to tell you of their negative experiences with that organisation. I think your pastor wants what's best for you but what he's recommending is anything but. Pastors and others really need to research properly before they suggest things like that.

Perhaps you can keep seeing your friends from the church in other settings? And you mentioned perhaps coming out to your Dad. How do you think he'll respond to the news? From what you've said it sounds like he's not a supporter of your current church.. did I get that right?

How's the new church going?

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Amy

I'm glad the new church is working out so well. 🙂

Regarding your Dad – don't rush yourself. Perhaps try writing a letter to get your thoughts out but don't give it to him yet. You can feel free to post the draft here and we'll be happy to offer feedback. Ben wrote a great draft to his parents which is available on the site if you need ideas to get started. And there are others like Mr Summit who have written excellent letters with really positive results. 🙂

You don't have to change yourself – you are perfectly fine the way you are. This is just a very difficult process but you will get through it. You have us to help you as well as some good friends, the new church and a sense of God working in you at the new place. And that's excellent!

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Amy,

My son is Mr Summit, and yes the letter worked well for him. I guess the advantage of a letter is it gives you a chance to write what you want to say, let it sit for a while and then re read, make any adjustments it etc. It gives you a chance to speak and say what you want to say without interruptions from anyone as people tend to read all of it first before they respond. It also gives you a chance to hand the letter to your dad in your timing rather than blurt it out and it maybe not coming out like you would of liked. Or you could hand it to him and ask him to read it when you are gone or post it to him, you don't have to be there watching him read it, gives you options. But if you are not a letter person and would rather speak face to face, or on the phone etc then you have to do what is right for you.

What do you think would be more comfortable for you? You mentioned you dad was concerned you hadn't had a boyfriend, maybe he has his own suspicions and won't be that surprised.

It's great you like the new church, you are doing great.

God Bless

Hi Stanza

Welcome to f2b and thanks for your great comment here. 🙂

You said:

Rather than to change one's sexuality the focus of some exgay ministries that I've come across is to promote 'holy sexuality' and to be more Christ like'. Basically this is a call for all gays to become celebate whether they like it or not. I can only think that stifling one's natural feelings and emotions won't really be beneficial for the person's mental well being in the long term.

I've noticed that too about the ex gay switch of focus to advocating for 'holy sexuality'. It's flawed though because you need to be a whole and real person in order to have holiness. You put it very well when you wrote that their interpretation of this is abstinence however that's not holy or healthy unless the person is called to that and I think very few are.

I think it's very sad when people separate sexuality and the body out from holiness, suggesting that the two can't exist together. I recently heard a very funny Jewish author talking about the Jewish aversion to the body and how this is reflected in the bible. He was gently poking fun at his race for being somewhat squeamish in this regard. I think this is something to seriously look at, especially when others use scriptures to support their claims about sexuality. They need to consider the beliefs and bias of biblical cultures and the fact that they were not always healthy views and that these may have coloured some of our thoughts today.

I'd love to hear more about you so feel free to post your story in the Telling our Stories section.

Blessings,

Ann Maree