I think that some of us may have problems talking (praying) to God because of the guilt, shame or the feeling of being let down by God. I sure do. Perhaps the only way to freedom is starting to talk to God again? So I have put in a conversation between avb and me from the treath Fear and hope that you will join! If the quotes are not ok please forgive me 😉

BTW….ditte….I didn’t talk to God for 5 years after I left the ministry…..we were not on speaking terms. Some people wait longer. Of course our lack of communication has nothing to do with the way he feels about me.

Why didnt you talk to him?

I was really really really pissed off. why should I talk to a God who never answered the prayer i cried everyday…..take these feelings away, make me heterosexual . He answered lots of other prayers and I would have traded all those for just that one……and because he didn’t answer that prayer my life became a nightmare, I lost everything and hurt the people I loved most in the world. THANKS GOD VERY MUCH YOU ARE A BASTARD. 😡

I felt deeply betrayed.

I realise now of course i was praying the wrong prayer. Asking God to change my sexual orientation was like asking God to change me from being left handed to right handed. My ignorance and the ignorance of those around sent me down the wrong path.

Avb, thanks for the answer.. Wow thats just the way I feel. I also feel betrayed. Thats the right word: Betrayed! 😯

I am SOOOO mad at him! I dont hate him ofcourse, I love him but just like you can be angry at those you count on the most, he is the one – I feel – that has betrayed me the most. He is silent!

I think its because he dosent care about me!!

You say he dosent answer the prayer because he cant make me into somehing that Im not.

I have a hard time believing that you say is infact the truth, avb. My life would be so much easier if I saw it the way that you do.

Prayer is talking to God. I dont pray like ” Holy Father, I come before you.. bla bla.. ” – I cant do that hehe! But he knows why I dont talk to him so my feeling is no secret to him. But its the anger and the feeling of being let down that is stopping me from talking to him.

Is it a sin to be mad at him? I dont know. I think about him a lot and miss him so he knows that I love him. Perhaps Im just afraid to be mad at him because he is ” I AM “!

How can I come to the place where I can see it the way you do when Im not even sure that I want to change what I believe? Does that make any sense?

I always come back to this, Im unable to walk at all for a number of yrs now due to MS, if that wasnt enough I have arthritis on top of that, have I asked for healing, been prayed for and have faith for it – YES! butttt after 11yrs Im still not walking and still have arthritis, it has become stable but its still their, it has become manageable but its still there, I can still live a pretty full but limited life but its still there can God heal me and restore me, why YES he can but he hasnt, instead I have learnt to accept it and live with it and he always gives me strength and doent allow it to consume me……..

my orientation? is with me and I live with it the same as with that, Im not saying my orientation is an illness but if I am meant to be straight God could change me but hasnt, so I accept my life and give it my darndest and enjoy that which if he allows Im obviously meant to be or have and let him encourage others thru me where needed with who he made me or allowed for me to be.

Hi magsdee!

I have never thought it in that way before. I too have a sickness so I understand the limitations but Im not sure I can ever think like you. Im not even sure I want to because I want kids and thats my great sorrow..

I just dont understand why God dosent make me ” normal”?? I know that he has the power to do everything and I dont think that he WANTS me to be bisexual, I simply cant!!

I think its because of the sin in the world and the choises I have made that has made me the way I am today..

Ditte, if you are bi-sexual, then is it possible that you could meet the right guy or a guy you could fall in love with and be faithful to him? Im only guessing so please forgive me but it sounds like you just need to make a choice of who you want, sounds easier said than done i know 🙁 a family member of mine was abused and had sexual issues but she met a great christian guy who has supported her through the counseling and doesnt pressure her sexually. I guess the question is which gender are you attracted to more? I know you have a g/f so thats not easy right now either……what do you find is your biggest road block so to speak (i hope im not being too forward in my questioning 🙁

when people refer to what I had before I came out…they usually are not aware of all that is involved or look at the big picture.

I do have two lovely daughters. I did have 16 wonderful years of marriage. I am very grateful for those things……and have no regrets except the way I left them.

but……if I could plan my life (with the benefit of hindsight) I would not drag anyone into my life to use to help me sort out the issue of my sexuality. The pain it caused them is terrible.

I’m currently working with a guy who is facing the same thing now at 40 years of age. Just told his wife…..they are separating…..soon to tell the children….its all very hard and they have some dark days ahead.

the thing that gets us through these is to focus on what we do have and not what we dont