Coming out at 51

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Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
January 17, 2012, 12:04

Hi Rainbow Girl, that is fantastic news about the job, and so close. Wonderful.

Counselling for your husband is good advice, trouble is most men it seems don't like going to counselling. Going to sites like Anthony suggested can be a really good way your husband can get help without having to open up and share his feelings with anyone. Reading some of the info from this site might be a step in making him more opening to counselling.

It's too be expected your children will be going through tough times, it's a double whammy for them and your husband. Not only has the marriage broken up, which is hard enough on kids they find out their mum is Gay. I can only imagine how confusing that is for them, working out how to get their head around all that. The sites that have been listed in previous posts will also be beneficial for your children and counselling if they will go. Maybe your husband and your children would go to counselling if you offered to go with them.

As your husband sees you moving forward in your life, getting a new job etc, he will accept you aren't going back into the relationship with him. Same for your kids, the best thing I think you can do for everyone is keep moving forward, let them see that this is what is best and right for you. Of course keep being their for them as much as you can. The youngest hardly talking to you, could be the way he process things. I know with my youngest getting him to open up is like pulling teeth. He processes things quietly within himself, during that time he doesn't say much. Just keep being there and loving your son, letting him know you will always be there for him, whenever he is ready to talk more.

You are doing great.

Have fun at the convention, get Anthony or Helen to introduce you to my son as he is going. It will be so wonderful for you to meet some people, makes it all more tangible that there are real people at the end of these posts. 🙂

God Bless

Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
January 22, 2012, 10:43

Hi to all you wonderful F2b people….I hope everyone is well.

I have worked four days so far, and am tired. Full time work takes a bit of getting used to. I'll be working afternoon shifts…3pm til either 9pm or 11pm… Now that will play havoc with my social life, particularly as I'm working weekends! Oh well, its a job, and I do like the work. I'm just hoping payday isn't too far away as my finances are feeling a bit tight!!

I've been keeping in contact with my kids. I went to watch two of my sons play cricket yesterday, which I'm sure they appreciated. It was a good game and they did well. My daughter and I chatted on the phone the other day…we had a good talk.

My husband got as far as searching the yellow pages for a counselor….but didn't know which one to phone. I suggested he just pick one and ask questions. I hope he will follow through with it.

I'm looking forward to Sydney…even though it'll be a brief visit…this time. It'll be awesome to meet everyone.

Love and blessings to all.

Rainbow Girl

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
January 22, 2012, 11:02

Hi Rainbow Girl

Glad you're enjoying the work even if the hours are unsocial. Will you have any flexibility on shift times?

It's good your husband has at least taken that step. If I was him, I'd phone a few counsellors, armed with a list of questions like their availabillity, cost, location, qualifications and memberships, whether they have supervision (all counsellors should have professional supervision) and what their main approach is. He may have other questions to write down and ask. I then take notes and listen to their approach with me and how comfortable I feel as we're talking. Each counsellor is then rated and I make a selection. It's important he feel comfortable with whoever he's chosen and if he doesn't, he should go to a different counsellor.

Glad you're keeping in contact with your children. Good for you!


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
January 22, 2012, 12:35

Good suggestions AM

Also……would his GP have someone to refer him to.

Also it can be helpful to have someone recommend a counsellor they have used previously who they found helpful Can narrow down the search

Has anyone else on this forum used a straight counsellor in the same city as Rainbow girl they could recommend and PM to her

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
January 22, 2012, 13:20

Which city are in you in again Rainbow Girl?

Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
January 23, 2012, 06:45

Thanks for the suggestions Ann Maree and Anthony…..I live in Christchurch New Zealand….shakey city!! If anyone can recommend a good counselor I'd appreciate it.

I will follow up with my husband to see if he's found a counselor, and will make some suggestions if not.

I do so appreciate this forum… I plan to take some time to read and respond to other people's forum posts, to offer support and encouragement to others who are going through difficult times too.

Thanks for this wonderful safe place.

Rainbow Girl

Princess _Fiona
Joined in 2011
January 23, 2012, 09:44

Hi Rainbow Girl

So happy for you that things are going so well with your new job and with your children, so glad things have improved in the past week with your son.:) My girlfriend is a shift worker and it does take time to adapt to working those hours, hang in there. Also is hard on a relationship when you cant see each other or spend many waking hours together. My girlfriend isnt one who can come home from a shift at midnight and then just got to bed usually needs many hours to unwind etc. If you enjoy your job as you said its worth the scarifice and you learn to work around those hours, hopefully you will have some time with your new lady that works when she isnt working also.

Good to hear your husband is starting to make steps to see a counsellor. Anthony and Ann Maree have great suggestions as to how to shift through to find a good one. Personally I agree with Anthony, if you hear of a good counsellor through others recommendations then I would tend to go with that. A good counsellor always has a great reputation and people always tend to talk someone up. Perhaps your local community health centre also may recommond a good one, they do usually have there own though. A referral from your local doctor as Anthony said is also a good way to go. I wish your husband all the best with finding a good one and also pray that he is comfortably enough to open right up and speak about all the things he needs to. Life situations and changes always tend to bring up other issues to work through not just the marriage break up, so its important that he is comfortable with whom he see.

Totally loves your city that you live in, always has said since visiting it in a few years back for a week, just before these shocking quakes that its the most prettiest city I have seen. I hope these terrible quakes will stop and it once again will become a place of beauty.

Once again I wish you a wonderful time in Sydney at the conferance you are attending and may you enjoy your time catching up with people you have come to know from f2b.


Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
January 23, 2012, 09:59

Kia-ora Bro,

F2B sure is sweet as, choice hey 🙂 My best friend is a Kiwi, she comes up with all sorts of weird sayings. She lives not far away so we see each other a lot, so I've learnt to interpret Kiwi, bit of a worry 🙂 We went across the ditch to the South Island last August for 3 weeks, we were there when the arctic freeze was happening. Saw lots of snow but we didn't get stuck by any of it, was very cold at times, too cold to wear jangles, didn't needed a chilly bin. Choice. Beautiful country. My hubby likes the big chocie biscuits, we had to bring back lots of pkts for the kidz back home. They went when they younger and remember the big big biscuits.

Sounds like things are progressing along and people have started to accept the changes that are happening and working through things in there own way. Good you like your new job, takes a while to get into a new routine.

Good advice for the hubby for a counselor.

Take care, have fun in Syd.

God Bless

Rainbow Girl
Joined in 2011
January 24, 2012, 09:06

Hahaha…kia ora Mother Hen….you made me laugh!! 😀 I believe you meant jandels, not jangles…hehe.

Actually we don't speak that differently to you across the ditch…really. At least for us a thong isn't something you wear on your foot…it (barely) covers another part of the anatomy…hehe. I love the differences in the lingo….crikey!! Makes life more interesting 😉

Princess_Fiona….the good thing with my situation and working afternoon shifts is that my girlfriend doesn't have a job, so we'll have time to see each other in the earlier part of the day. She has chronic fatigue syndrome, and while she copes remarkably well she isn't able to handle working. So I guess this is a bonus, and means we'll have time to be together.

Life is full of ups and downs and its never completely smooth sailing, as much as we'd like it to be. Something like this turns your life upside down; everything changes. It brings along a whole set of insecurities and fears and anxieties.

Its scary to feel a lack of control over how life is going. Before….my life was secure and safe…even though it wasn't happy.

Now….I'm happier…but have times of feeling insecure and unsafe….and less in control. I know this is temporary, and I will become more secure and in control as time goes by….

Love to all

Rainbow Girl

Joined in 2010
January 24, 2012, 19:43

Hi Rainbow Girl

Heading to Sydney tonight on the train instead of flying tomorrow afternoon. Weather is pouring rain here (and in Brisbane hey Mother Hen) and some minor flooding all down the coast for a ways so couldn't stand to sit in an airport to catch a connecting flight for 5 hours so ditched that idea and decided to get a sleeper tonight and arrive in Sydney early tomorrow morning.

Looking forward to meeting you Friday night. Have a good flight over.

Love Helen xx

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