In my final years of High School in the 1960’s I realised I was attracted to guys not girls. Homosexuals at this time were imprisoned or treated with aversion therapy or shock treatment and two guys at my high school committed suicide they were harassed so much. Everything told me that I should do all I could to become ‘normal’ like everyone else but the internal secret struggle only produced depression, an attempt at suicide and finally trips to a psychiatrist. My battles with my sexuality brought me into a relationship with God as I thought that He could take it away. Believing God had called me to the ministry, I went to Bible College in New Zealand where I was told that casting out the demons within me would finally make me free but it didn’t last. Returning to Australia, I went to live in Australia’s first ex-gay program but left after 6 months of emotional and mental abuse.

I met Helen and got married in 1974, thinking I had received a miracle and that my problems would now be over. After the birth on my two daughters, my wife and I launched out in full-time ministry as an evangelist. My ministry as an Assemblies of God preacher became more and more successful. During my 13 years of ministry I achieved many things that people said could not be done, launching innovative programs and gaining national recognition for being a leader in evangelism. I preached regularly in the mega churches in Australia such as Hillsong and also overseas. This time was not without it’s battles and struggles. Sometimes I was able to beat temptation but other times not. After 16 years of marriage, I fell in love with a man, which forced me to face reality. I could no longer live a lie. My decision to accept and acknowledge my true identity was very difficult. The pain it caused in my life and those around me that I loved was almost unbearable. The national exposure and a public confession almost destroyed me. To be honest about who I was cost me everything; my career, my business, many friends, my marriage and family. I thought that my relationship with God was over.

The next 6 years was very interesting, as I learnt what it really meant to be an openly gay man. Much of that time was spent fighting through years of guilt and conditioning. I lived with a subconscious belief that I was a bad person and failure. I had several co-dependant, abusive relationships and lost a partner to AIDS. Eventually I woke up.

During this time I’d totally shut down my belief system as there were too many questions I had no answers for. In 1998 I did a personal development program, which reconnected me with spirituality. I realized that I had thrown the baby out with the bath water and there were still many things I’d had in my life as a Christian that were important to me. I communicated with God for the first time in years as we were not on speaking terms. There was quite a dramatic change in my life and progressively my insight and understanding changed as people, books and experiences were brought across my path assisting me to resolve and grow. Looking at the famous six bible verses again in the light of the cultural and historical context and also the original language made me understand that I had been taught was not really true.

In 1998 I really felt I should tell my story and that it would help many people. My autobiography, ‘A Life of Unlearning – A Journey to Find the Truth’ was released in May 2004 and won Gay Book of the Year and other awards. If you want to read the first chapter you can download it for free on my website. http://www.anthonyvennbrown.com/book.html. The revised second edition will be out in February 2007 with more revelations in each chapter and ongoing events of the last two years – 80 new pages in all. The audio version of the book is on http://www.audible.com Itunes & Amazon.

It feels like my evolution as a gay man is now complete. I love being a gay man and love my all the wonderful things that make my tribe so unique. If science developed a pill to make homosexual people heterosexual, I wouldn’t take it. There are no more issues to resolve or questions to be answered. My journey makes sense and I feel like I am right on track. I love my life, being gay, my girls, wonderful friends and living a life of value and purpose. We now have a network fo GLBTIQ people from Pentecostal and Charismatic Backgrounds called Freedom 2 B(e). It provides Support – Information – Dialogue for GLBTIQ people from Pentecostal and Charismatic backgrounds that assists them to resolve their issues of faith and sexuality and furthers the broader work of creating understanding and acceptance. I am also meeting with church leaders regularly to develop an open, respectful and intelligent dialogue about the issues of same sex orientation.

Another brilliant post Sandy, so love reading the process of your journey, It reminds me of chesterons saying about a man sailing in a ship to discover a new land only to arrive on another shore of his own country, excited at the thrill of discovery but then realising that it was the very place he had come from, I often wonder in what way that will be for many of us…..Sometimes I feel our life journey is a little like that tho too, I sail away from what I know in search of the unknown or little known and find myself back on another aspect of an undiscovered side of the known which had been unknown until that moment.

So far reading Anthonys book, it has been extremely inspiring and I dont know either what I would have done having lost so much and have so much happen. I applaud the strength that God has placed in you Anthony and the guts and compassion to share and help so many of us. ) xxxxxoooo

LOL………I have a feeling it could be a little of both ) ..made sense to me when I wrote it and I have experienced it many times over BUT the fact that you made any sense of it wink not often people make sense of the way I process some things lol

Im just getting through your book Anthony and just passed your time at paradise……Im amazed at what you have endured and that you have come out as together as you are today, just on the things so far( and I havent even read the rest of it yet) …… it just seems the enemy was out to completely pulverise you at every angle. No one can tell me that God hasnt been with you the whole time……….You encourage me as a person no end anyhow, but the part in your book where you got a date about when you will leave the army boosted my faith to keep going regarding my healing……awesome………I dont know how anyone can read your book and not be changed or start to question the way some things are dished out to us in the name of the Lord. No wonder churches and christian book shops find it “contraversial” because you are telling things as they happened and God was with you the whole time and it cant be refuted that he wasnt. Im stuck for words but thats what i have so far.

Oh and that no matter how bad things get it is possible to get thru to the other side……Its massive to receive a hope like that.

Im sure I will be reading it a few times more myself wink I dont pupu (lol) the other autob. books at all, everyone has a victory story to tell and an ongoing process story to tell that can help many along the way. D But just because one thing worked for one or one thing is helping one doesnt make it an across the board thing that applies to everyone. Even so I am ever so grateful they are about. Its great to see a book like Anthonys tho, never seen one like it before and I know it will help many as it has.

Thing is God made us all so different, (He himself has so many aspects its not funny lol) there is not one thing that will apply to everyone. When it comes to Gods word tho, it is universal and covers everyone and anyone can live by it, given it is put across correctly.

There have been enough misinterpretations throughout history tho, for decades, that were believed and adhered to with many scriptural backups that just arent followed anymore because people have learnt the context in which it was given or had revelation of what the scripture was about. I doubt we as a generation are exempt from that. Im sure we will forever be coming to an understanding of God and his word and know that I know that the blood of Jesus is big enough and more than enough to cover us in our ignorance if we indeed are in that position of ignorance. Im not being ignorant on purpose or even blaze, its just where I am right now and God knows me in this place and I dont keep him out, he knows it all and I hide nothing.