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missmuppet
 
Joined in 2011
October 11, 2011, 11:28

Just to add, I just discovered Thingymabobie’s questions about sex. Interesting. A lot to think about there. Still wondering about lots of things… after watching a dvd a friend leant to me… yikes! Never seen anything like it before. Have I slipped into a world of no return?!

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
October 11, 2011, 11:52

Hi missmuppet,


Great to hear from you, so pleased you are doing ok. All well this end, just been very busy. :bigsmile:


Being independent of other’s can be a good thing, one you don’t depend on them or expect anything from them, and two you become your own person not reliant on other people or their opinions.


Mmmm as to your question, it’s a good one and worth asking, only I think you will get many different answers, everyone has their own opinion on how far you can take it and it still be ok. Some stretch that to its limit, others might say no hanky panky of any kind.


My Christian upbringing and marriage was no sex before marriage, and I guess in Churches that is still the view. Being Gay or LBGT where marriage is not currently allowed makes that impossible.


I personally believe when you have sex with someone you are tied, emotionally and spiritually to that person, sex is not just a physical act. It’s a beautiful intimate event between two people who are connected body and soul. It’s something special that should be cherished so I personally think full on sex should be between two people who are in a committed loving relationship, married or not.


As far as how far you can go, before you make that long term commitment to someone, well being realistic we are only human and we have desires, so I think it would be very hard not to have any mucking around. What each person considers ok has to come down to the individual person, what you feel is ok, how you feel afterwards. Don’t be forced into doing something you are not comfortable with. I nor do I believe anyone else can tell you how far you can go and it still be morally ok for you, only you can decide that for yourself.


Sometimes people don’t think of the consequences of their actions, like how they will feel in the morning, so my only personally advice is think before you leap, the rest is up to you.


Other’s may have some different views on this, these are just mine whether someone is LGBT or straight my view is the same.


Being a baby on sex stuff is ok, just take baby steps and only do what you are comfortable with, and enjoy each step.


God bless



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 11, 2011, 17:41

Hi missmuppet


I like Mother Hen’s response. 🙂


And in line with what Mother Hen has said, it’s important to act according to YOUR OWN values and be aware of the consequences of your actions. So it depends what sex means for you personally as to how you will act.


Here are some questions for you to ponder on (and you don’t have to answer these here):


How do you define sex (and this can be as broad or narrow as you like).. And are there parts of that that seem OK to you at a given time with a particular person and not others?


What do you want a sexual encounter to express, 1) toward yourself, and 2) toward another who may be involved?


What are you wanting and needing from a sexual encounter and what are your boundaries around that (i.e. what are you comfortable with? And how do you feel about the idea of casual sex?)


Do you need to be in love with another to have sex with them and feel OK afterwards?


Mother Hen said:


I personally believe when you have sex with someone you are tied, emotionally and spiritually to that person, sex is not just a physical act. It’s a beautiful intimate event between two people who are connected body and soul. It’s something special that should be cherished so I personally think full on sex should be between two people who are in a committed loving relationship, married or not.


That fits with my own beliefs and experiences too. For others however, sex can be enjoyed in all kinds of situations. Therefore, I see nothing wrong with casual sex per se. In fact if it works for both parties involved and they enjoy themselves and stay safe, I think that’s great. It just doesn’t work for me because my emotions get involved and I need more than a physical encounter. The main thing is to enjoy yourself and honour your inner guidance. Listen to those little niggles that might indicate you’re not ready and take a step back or slow down. Alternatively, if you want to try something, trust those feelings and go as far as you want to go. And If you’re unsure or uncomfortable about anything, just say “No” or “Stop”.


Mother Hen said:


…. just take baby steps and only do what you are comfortable with, and enjoy each step.


Brilliantly said by Mother Hen! Enjoy yourself, and I would add, try not to hurt anyone.


I think we can get so hung up about sex, especially when we hear certain things prescribed at church that don’t fit with our personal situations. With all the religious stuff, we can forget that sex is meant for our enjoyment and pleasure, like a lot of things in life. We hear about what we can’t or shouldn’t do which is depressing.. And what are those ideas based on? If it’s a law that can’t be flexible, relevant or applicable, it’s useless as far as I’m concerned.


So instead of thinking about what we can’t do, I believe we need to focus on what we CAN do that is in line with our values, helping us to live the abundant life we were given rather than stifling it. And as Mother Hen said, what you”re comfortable with is for you to decide and no one else, and this may be different to others’ comfort levels and values.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
October 11, 2011, 20:33

Ah, complicated, isn’t it? Some good answers above.


I suggest one thing to think about is “is someone being used?” That is, am I just ‘using’ the other person to address some basic physiological instinct I feel for physical intimacy? (The randy-dog-on-the-nature-strip scenario.) Or is she ‘using’ me? Are we ‘using’ each other? Am I really after emotional intimacy and less ‘aloneness ‘- and the desire for physical intimacy getting in the way?


I don’t know the answers, but I find the questions worthy of thought.

Suzee
 
Joined in 2011
October 13, 2011, 08:22

Hi missmuppet,


I only want to add here that you are loved immensely by God and he wants you to love who you are…. be kind to yourself.

He will walk with you throughout this whole journey. You’re not alone. He’ll never leave you or forsake you…that’s a promise.

There’s nothing you could ever do to make him turn away from you…nothing.


You can trust God to help you and guide you.


Big hugs from me. 🙂



missmuppet
 
Joined in 2011
October 13, 2011, 09:24

Thanks everyone so much for your support. And lots to think about. Will ponder on these things. 🙂



missmuppet
 
Joined in 2011
October 15, 2011, 14:47

I dont know who to say these things to but anyway. Here is as good as any place. I’m miserable. Depression? Same-sex attracted & no longer live as a Christian? Feel no one understands my particular burden of loneliness? Who knows why I feel so crap. I guess it doesnt matter why. But its still the same song & I’m tired of it. I feel angry but too tired to act upon it. Sad, but cry only for a moment, then sleep. Dramatic! Yeah good at that. Want to hibernate for the next 20 years. Have asked for help but there is none. Sounds like the psalms! Ha ha. I just feel like I want, what I cant have. So it might as well be all over.

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
October 15, 2011, 15:05

We are here to support you as best we can missmuppet, I pray for you every night so please hang in there. There are so many here who have been through tough times, trying to live as a Christian and be same sex attracted, so many of them have felt lonely and burdened too. There is light at the end of the tunnel I know it doesn’t seem fair or right that you have to go through the dark time to come into the light. People are thinking of you and praying for you when you don’t even realise it. You are loved by god so much for just the way you are.


All my thoughts and prayers

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 15, 2011, 16:42

Hi missmuppet


Sorry to hear things are really bad for you at the moment.


Regarding supports, back in August you mentioned above that you had a few friends and doctors who were there for you. If that’s still the case, who of those can you talk with?


As Mother Hen said, we do care about you and I pray that you’re able to access the right supports to help you get through this.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

sarab
 
Joined in 2011
October 15, 2011, 17:25

Missmuppet – I too am praying for you this afternoon.

I try to remind myself when things are low or seemingly hopeless that things are for a season. I know that might sound like a cliche – yet the word “season” helps me enormously. It may be a bloody long season… but it too will pass. 🙂

I am praying for the right help and support for you at the moment .

Hang in there.

Sarab x
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