I’m feeling a little better since my last post. Sorry about that. Thank you for your understanding and welcome.

About 2 years ago, I was overwhelmed by the feelings I had for a co-worker. She was married, so I felt quite gulity about it. Working together was the best working year of my life. But when she had to leave the position, my life fell apart.

There’s so much more to my story to where I am now, but it’s too much to say all at once. So here I am. Just me. Not a label. But I know I’m loved by God. Just wish I could love myself and wish I could desire a future with Him, but finding it really hard.

Thanks for listening.

Hi missmuppet,

So glad you have persisted and posted again, it was very courageous of you. Just know this is a safe place and you are loved. Take all the time you need.

God Bless

Thank you.

I forgot to say that I’m 35 and had experience in a few different Churches – Uniting & another independent denomination. But I’ve been to a number of other congregations while with a christian drama ministry… and there sure was drama there!!! But I guess different experiences made me ask lots of questions, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Because then you find out stuff – answers.

Anyway, I’m not going to Church right now because I’m a bit confused. A friend, and wife of one of our ministers said to me, when I shared some of my personal struggles “that’s disgusting, put it off.” I tried but grew tired. Couldn’t do it anymore. Was still lost in the nightmare in my mind. I ran away to another state, where I now am. But fear that I’ve turned my back on God.

Hi missmuppet

I experienced strict and very old fashioned ideas about roles in my church too. For instance, the leaders insisted that women in ministry should be wearing dresses and skirts rather than pants!!! I remember looking at them with wide eyes. I mean, it was the ’90s afterall and pant suits for women were popular and I had a wardrobe full of such beautiful outfits. I remember saying: “We’re not in the 50s anymore, you know!”

I’m really sorry the lady at your church said that your struggles were disgusting. I see the very opposite of her perspective. I believe that our struggles make us stronger and bring us closer to those we are meant to be alongside. They bring out our vulnerabilities and there is great beauty in that despite the pain.

Thanks for sharing more of who you are with us. 🙂

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi missmuppet

I don’t think lust is necessarily a bad thing. Like anything though, if it takes over your life and stops you living a joyful and loving life, then it’s a problem. Where it refers to lustful desires of the flesh in the bible, you have to remember the cultural context. I heard a fantastic Jewish writer and comedian recently say that Jewish people are and always have been squeamish about the body and penises! That made me laugh and put some things into context when I thought of the bible. You have to remember that before they decided the body was bad, God created it and saw it was good. He also created us with hormones and desires and I think it very much depends how you express those things as to whether they become unhelpful.

I hear that you’re feeling tired and depressed. Sometimes life can be really difficult, can’t it?

What supports do you have around you? Feel free to send a private message to me if you need to talk more about this privately too.

Blessings,

Ann Maree