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Jarryd 21 (almost 22) - Gay, not Bi (finally)

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jpearson
 
Joined in 2011
January 30, 2011, 00:32

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while… I don’t think it’s anything spectacular, but it’s my story, so…


My name’s Jarryd, and I recently made a difficult transition from being “Bi” to “Gay”. Let me backtrack though: I was born in Westmead Hospital in 1989. As a young kid in primary school, I was always different. Part of this comes down to me having Aspergers. The other part due to the fact that I used to read “The Babysitters Club” books: I had a massive collection. I also have pictures from when I was younger playing “dress ups”. This usually consisted of me wearing a leotard, stockings and a hairband. Of course, I never saw anything wrong with this. The other kids… That’s a different story. I lived in Parramatta until 2000, and the kids weren’t particularly nasty, more just kids… When I moved to Windsor though (Feb/Mar ’00) things took a turn for the worse. I started a new primary school in Term 2 of Year 6, and the “gay” remarks started/intensified, and this continued through until high school.


For years, my mum has said that if I chose to take this path, she would support me and love me, even before I had fully realised who I was. Well, after a couple of girlfriends, I started to realise I was more attracted to guys. I could justify this through saying I was “Bi”, but Heaven forbid I should say I was gay! After two failed relationships (late ’08 & Mar/Apr ’10), I finally met my current boyfriend of three months, Craige. Through my relationship with him, I was able to cast off the negative connotations I had forced upon me all my life surrounding the word “Gay”. I am now moderately comfortable saying I’m gay. I think though, without Craige’s love and support, I wouldnt’ve been able to do it. Even thinking about him whilst writing this, I feel such a strong love for him.


Please feel free to message me/reply to this thread if you want to know specific details about anything! I’m fairly open about most things, so all you can do is ask.

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
January 30, 2011, 06:01

Windsor is a suburb right next to me that was heavily flood affected. So my first thought was “are you ok?”. But your profile says NSW. Dam duplicate naming!


Sexuality is complicated. And taking a while to figure it out is perfectly ok. In the end where you fit on the LGBT/Straight spectrum isn’t nearly as important as being true to yourself, whoever you are. A long time ago I used to think I was straight and just fantasizing about guys to protect me from the temptation of girls (never mind that this had never proved a problem for me). Our minds pay all sorts of tricks on us, especially when we dread the truth.


(Though, just between you and me being gay is pretty awesome.)


You mum sounds great. I’m so glad you have support at home.


Welcome to F2B. I hope you find lots of support here. There is a chapter in Sydney that meets once a month (and the youth every 2 months). Is Windsor in transport range of Surry Hills?

Alucard
 
Joined in 2010
January 30, 2011, 07:54

Hi jpearson


Welcome to the site. I’m very happy with all the support that you have, an openly supportive mother as well as a boyfriend as well. I have also been bullied at school with people spreading rumors regarding my sexuality, it can be very hurtful and degrading, especially when it come from a Catholic school.


I hope you and your boyfriend have many happy years together!


(I totally agree with Mr Summit, being gay IS awesome)


agrech3

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 30, 2011, 08:06

Hi Jarryd


Welcome to f2b! 🙂


I love your signature quote from Marianne Williamson. Her wise words continue with:


“..We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others.”


Anyway, thanks for sharing part of your story.


How did you hear about us?


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Boi70
 
Joined in 2007
January 30, 2011, 13:17

Hi Jarryd,


Welcome to F2Be, and thanks for posting your story here. So, glad that you feel able to say that you are comfortable with being ‘Gay’ and not ‘Bi’ now, and that your Mum is so supportive. I remember thinking that I was ‘Bi’ for awhile, too. 🙂


And I love your quote, too. :bigsmile:


Cheers,

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 30, 2011, 18:28

Welcome Jarryd…….I think Bi is a safe space for many gay men on their journey to accepting their gay selves.


…..and you have discovered something else…….love changes everything.


hope to hear more from you and maybe meet up one day at our Sydney chapter meetings.

Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
January 30, 2011, 20:39

Hi Jarryd,


Welcome to F2b[e] great to have you here!

jpearson
 
Joined in 2011
January 30, 2011, 23:27

@Mr Summi: HA HA! Yeah, I’m ok… Thankfully… Have family in QLD, some in Toowoomba, but they’re ok as well –> Massive sigh of relief…


Yes, it is. And to be perfectly honest, I only use the term “gay” to sum up in a word my orientation. I think my biggest problem though is the connotations that go along with that term. As pretty much everyone who has met me will attest to, I’m not a “stereotypical gay” according to general consensus…


HA HA! “Support at home”… Well, I know she wouldn’t kick me out or disown me (considering she told my ex-step-dad where he could go when he said “It’s either him or me”…), but I’ve moved into my godmother’s place, because I needed to get out. There was just so much tension between the two of us, and it got too much. Yes, I know she loves me and supports me, but “support at home” really only applies now that I’ve moved in with my godmother. (Sorry… I didn’t mean to rant… =( )


HA HA! I’ve actually been to the Dec BBQ and the Jan Youth beach trip. I haven’t actually updated my profile yet (I’m now living at Winston Hills), but I should still be able to get there… =D

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
January 30, 2011, 23:38

We may have met then. I was at the Dec BBQ. 🙂 Awesome weekend that was.


We’ll, I am glad your godmother is supportive. I assume the home troubles are because of something other than your sexuality?

jpearson
 
Joined in 2011
January 31, 2011, 00:01

@agrech3: I do have to say (and please get me right on this) I’m really glad I went to a public school. What I endured there was bad enough. From what I hear, what people like yourself who went to a Catholic school went through… I don’t know if I would’ve coped… I’m strong, but… I take my hat off to you and everyone who went through what you went through… I know I had it hard enough.


Thank you… So do I! =D
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