Male 47 Pentecostal, Ex-gay, Ex-Church and trying to sort it all out.

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Joined in 2011
October 26, 2011, 11:26

Hi there, been looking at this site over the past few mths and decided to join.

My story is I guess like alot on here and I can relate to.

I believe in God and Jesus died for me BUT I’m gay. This is the question I have been asking God since who knows when.

I have been looking at various sites and doing some study to try and understand .

My story…………

I knew at a young age of my attraction to men which was confusing and in society it was wrong and being in a small town

made it worse. I became a Christian at 13 and thought the attraction would go away.

I attended Church for quite a few years hiding this secret and not just asking but crying out to God to take this away and make me normal and be acceptable to him. I tried serving and getting involved in church as much as possible, did mission trips, leadership roles, bible college. I guess my thought pattern was serve and cry out to God.

I was so desperate to be acceptable to God that I found ex-gay programs to attend. I had so much hope that this was the answer, this will make me normal, ” Look God can’ u see, arn’t u listening, am I not good enough”.

I got to the point in having suicidal thoughts and depression, so I walked out on God and told him he didn’t exist.

After a few years I went back to church but same old story and at the moment I do not attend.

At this time I am looking and trying to understand.

Thanks and hope this wasn’t to long.


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 26, 2011, 14:35

Hi ipete

Welcome to f2b! You’re certainly in a good place here. I trust that you find us an accepting and supportive community with a helpful resources section as well. 🙂

As you may have found already, we are a varied group, including those, like yourself, who do not attend church, those who do, those whose faith has evolved to something different.. And that’s one of the things I like most about f2b; that there’s room for all manner of beliefs and spiritual practices and we don’t have an agenda other than to support people wherever they’re at.

Thanks for sharing some of your story and it certainly wasn’t too long. You mentioned doing some study in your effort to understand your sexuality. Can you say more about that? I’m also wondering how you feel about your sexuality at the moment.


Ann Maree

Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
October 26, 2011, 16:32

Welcome, ipete. As Ann Maree has said, there are many of us on this site who have similar stories as yourself. As well as lots of variations. I assume you have been digging back into some of the older posts. There’s lots of helpful material there as others have shared their experiences, doubts, discoveries, reconciliation. We are all on various place on “the journey” (of reconciling faith and sexuality). Overcoming all the negatives which have been planted in our brains over many years can be quite a challenge. But, rest assured, we can and do suceed.

You are most welcome to attend our Chapter Meetings in Sydney – first Friday of month. Details on home pages. (Also welcome at Melbourne & Brisbane meetings if visiting there.) If a bit nervous, you can quietly slip in the back and just observe. Anyone can stay anonymous if so desired. We have peopleattending from late teens to 60s and everything inbetween.

Joined in 2011
October 27, 2011, 09:43

Hi Ann Maree,

Thanks for the welcome and taking the time to read and reply to my story.

What I am looking for is acceptance and support as you wrote in your welcoming so all sounds good to me.

The study I have been doing has been in regards to what the Bible says, due to the fact that in the past I have solely taken my understanding from there. I have looked up various sites that explain what those clobber scriptures mean, on YouTube listening to people’s stories and going through this site. I have compared that information to what I was taught and believed in the past and it is starting to answer the question I have had recently, ” There is something seriously wrong”. What I mean by that is, from what I have believed and been taught in the past but also the general perception from the church community who have probably never really looked into it.

All that said I’m still trying to get my head around it so I am taking the time now to concentrate on one scripture at a time and am currently looking at the Leviticus one.

The second question as for my sexuality. I accept that I am gay not all know and over time I guess that will change. I’m still trying to think how to answer so putting it on a scale I’m around 60 % comfortable.

Thanks for your time much appreciated.


Joined in 2011
October 27, 2011, 10:47

Hi Forestgrey,

Thanks for the welcome and having a look at my story.As you said we are all on a journey in working out our sexuality and faith and at different stages. That journey for me has been on my own and it is good to see that there are a group of people that can support and understand. Yes it is a challenge from years of not really taking a closer look and assuming. My faith has always been important to me and from past conditioning I have believed I will never measure up because of my sexual orientation.

Thanks for the invite to the meeting I would like to come, be good to meet some people. All the information I have seen on here.

Thanks for your time.


Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
October 27, 2011, 21:06

Hi ipete,

Welcome to F2B, the people on this forum are a great bunch of people. I’m sure you will find a great deal of support on the forum. As you said there are many stories which you will be able to relate too. Sounds like you are on the right track. So great to have you here.

God bless

Joined in 2011
October 28, 2011, 12:23

Hi Mother Hen,

Thanks for the welcome. Has been good to look through other peoples stories on here as I can relate to many of them..



Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 31, 2011, 12:29

hi Ipete…..I add my welcome to F2B… is a space for you to share with people……just like you.

One of the things I have found that keeps people stuck in their journey…….is not being able to connect with people who understand.

that of course is not the case here obviously….hehe.

is this the first time you have reached out like this and connected.

Joined in 2011
October 31, 2011, 19:31

Hi ipete

So glad you came here, this is the place to ask lots of questions and share your heart…as you have done.

We love you, affirm you and accept you….just as I know God does.

I’m a straight Christan and I’m committed to people such as yourself. I believe you can be gay and Christian. I believe God accepts you…and not only that, but He made you…just as you are.

You’ve probably been through so much and have questions and doubts. That’s quite okay. Working through stuff is a process, and we’re here to support you on your journey.

A big ((hug)) to you….thanks for being brave.

Suzee 🙂

Joined in 2011
November 1, 2011, 08:14

Hi Avennbrown,

Thanks for the welcome. I am finding this site very helpful because I can see that there are people here that have been through the same stuff and understand what it’s all about.

This is the first time I have reached out away from the ex- gay type mentality. I liken the past years as being born in a war torn undeveloped country and been given the promise of a better life. I climb the mountains walk the desert and finally get to a boat that will take me to a better life. I sail for days and days looking forward to that better life, through the heat, flys and smell. After going through all the pain, sweat and tears I find that the captain of the boat had the compass wrong and I end up right back where I started.

The sad part is I have done that trip several times and only recently come to the conclusion that there is something seriously wrong with all this. That conclusion is what has brought me to this site and maybe this is the compass that will head me in the right direction.

So I am searching and trying to understand all this and have decided this is the direction I am going in and know it will take time to work it all out.

Thanks for your time in reading my story.


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