Blondie, I'm not sure how much I can add to the excellent words said by others here, but I can only talk of the practical reasons why your son might have hidden it from you at first.

I was forced to move away from home when I told my parents. I had anticipated they would take it badly and chose not to do so until I was financially independent. There are multiple cases of children and teens living in the street because they came out.

I also delayed coming out because my grandmother, a very loving woman, was also very religiously conservative…and dying of a heart condition she has wrestled with for very long. I did not want to upset her in her final year, although I think she knew, from some of the words she said to me before she passed on.

When I did come out, I was blamed for 'hurting my mother's feelings' and told to never, ever talk about it or gay issues again, even though the paradox as you have said, might have been hurting her instead by keeping something from her. Its like we can't win on this one…to tell or not to tell is a bit of a crap shoot whether or not we end up upsetting people. When my grandmother (who lived nearby) finally passed on, I had to move out. I share a house now with a lesbian woman whose parents have cut all ties with her, at least mine still email me about once in two months.

That's the long and short of it.

Though I think you could take comfort in that your son would not have confided in you if he didn't think you would still love him. He trusts you. I think at this stage its best to get in touch with PFLAG as well as friends and partners he has come out to…he still needs your love and guidance particularly if he is becomign intimate with other men for the first time – the same as you would for any other child to make sure they are in healthy and respectful relationships. He did not *choose* his attraction to men, but he *chose* to live true to what he was instead of a miserable lie.

Hi again Blondie 64,

I have been away from the internet for a while and when I just read your last few posts it seemed like in the intervening time you have come a long way. It is amazing what a bit of sleep can do. Now that the initial shock is over you seem to be able to see things from your son's point of view more clearly. I am sorry that you also have to suffer the hurt of texts from your other son..hopefully he will soon come to understand that your first reaction was as a result of your shock and lack of sleep, and a natural one for a mother receiving this news. I guess the good thing is that is shows that he loves his brother, and this is his way perhaps of trying to protect him.

I am travelling at the moment and come and go on the internet, but I will continue to pray for you and your two boys.(I also have two sons)

If hugs can be sent over the internet, have some from me.

Jude

Hi Dragunov,

Thanks for taking time to write and add your thoughts. Agreed, it is a hard situation all round. On the brighter side though, my son has since phoned me, we are talking again, he even called around & borrowed some cheeses platters of mine and gave me a lift to a function I was attending so I wouldn't have to drive and called back to the function later that night to see if I needed a lift home. Think we are going to be okay in the long run. I've still yet to meet his partner, but I guess that will come in time perhaps. Just baby steps in the right direction for now, also I've not met his other friends, as I mentioned he lives in the city in another state to me, but is home in his hometown for a couple months so that's a positive thing to. He said he wanted to come home to tell me face to face not over the phone or via a txt message, so I guess there was an element of respect in that alone, I just needed to get over the news, the initial shock & hurt and to get my head around issues is all and I guess as many have said, it all takes time and it's only been about a week, so there you go. Never doubt a mothers love, it's a strong bond, no matter life's challenges!

Thanks again Jude for checking in, your internet hugs & kind words. All of these greatly appreciated. You are right, my eldest son has always been the protective big brother and does love his brother very much, that's obvious, he has just been a bit hurtful towards me which at times has been most upsetting and quite nasty. Just on time out there, been hurt and giving it time and space maybe in time that will change. Who knows? It's certainly been one heck of a roller coaster ride and I've never liked those, even as a kid. Thanks again Jude – cheers Blondie xx

Hi Blondie64,

Glad things have improved for you and you are back talking to your son 🙂 I never had any doubt that things would work out, as you say baby steps and one day at a time. As you can see you have a lot of support here, that support is also available to your son if he would to have a read or contact any one. He and you are most welcome.

Quote from Blondie64 on January 21, 2014, 8:20 am

Never doubt a mothers love, it's a strong bond, no matter life's challenges!

So true. 🙂 For those that read this post in the early days and read how upset Blondie64 was I hope you are also reading her further posts to see that one her love for her son never wavered, that people can sometime react strongly to the news at first, keep in mind this is their first reaction, doesn't mean this is what will stay with them. In saying that I also know that sometimes people never get over that first reaction. That is sad and it is their problem. That is when you need to reach out to the supports you have, F2B being one of them.

Be great Blondie64 for you to keep updating this post as thing improve for you and your son. It gives hope and comfort to other's.

You are doing great 🙂