Recently out gay guy with conflicting christian mindset.HELP

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Joined in 2007
September 10, 2007, 11:50

I thought I was going to be a part of a A.O.G. movement in a inner city area and I almost committed suicide twice. So please don’t do what I did, I thought I had a community network of friends in this inner city church. But I was wrong as soon as I moved away from it all, they pretty much gave up on me. I was sort of Bi-Sexual to begin with, but not it looks like I am just a Gay Man. So please be true to yourself, don’t fall in a hole like what I did.


God Bless.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
September 10, 2007, 13:29

for some of us saying we are bi is a safe place on our way to total acceptance of our gay selves. I know it was like that for me for a while wondering how I could have sex with a woman (my ex wife) and yet be constantly fighting my innate attraction to men.

When I finally accepted that I was gay…….I realised i needed that step in the process.

here is an extract from a paper i presented in Brisbane a few months ago……does this ring true for you as well.


Let me take you through the process that I went through. Its not the same for everyone but like Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ process of grieving, most people pass through each stage at some time no matter how briefly. Problems develop when people become stuck in one place and can’t move on.

1. Denial (I’m not gay, I was drunk, I’m bisexual, I was just horny, it’s just a stage, I was just experimenting).

2. Rejection (I can change it, I can overcome it)

3. Suppression (I can control it, monitor it, it’s my secret, no one need know)

4. Hatred (this thing is too strong for me, I hate my gayness, therefore I hate myself)

5. Acceptance (Healthy & unhealthy). It’s wonderful that so many young people today are coming out and accepting their homosexuality. There is also a group, like I was for years, who have accepted their sexuality but only reluctantly. They would prefer to be heterosexual and as long as that remains in their thinking, they can never fully embrace their true selves and enjoy the sense of freedom that brings. They exist with a subconscious belief that life is unfair, they still live with a sense of shame and some believe they will inevitably go to hell because they gave in to their homosexuality.

6. Celebration (I love being gay). This is the beginning of living a life of authenticity and congruence. The person who celebrates and embraces their sexuality lives a powerful life that transforms those around them because no one can deny what you have………a wholesome and profound love of self.

PS if you want a copy of the 5 page doc

“The Specific Issues Faced by GLBT People from Church Backgrounds & How to Resolve Them”

then just email me. [email protected]

Joined in 2007
September 12, 2007, 12:05

Yes e.mail me the five page document, on what I need to know to solve this mess of being Gay, trapped in a inner circle of Bi-Sexuality.

For I need to understand that I am not the only one Anthony. Thankyou my friend, and God Bless. Maybe I make it to a group one day, that is held at Acon.

Thanks again from Matt

God Bless.

P.S. I am trying a Uniting Church in the city area now.

My E.mail is [email protected]

Bye for now.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
September 12, 2007, 15:56

sent it off to you now Matt.

yes come along. You dont have to be alone in working through this……unless you want to.

Some people prefer to do this journey alone…..but it can be a lonley one. the other thing is that for some people its a timing thing. For sometime I couldn’t and didn’t want to speak to anyone.

When i was ready though….there was nothing like freedom 2 b[e]. So I started my own exex-gay yahoo group in 2000….which is still going on.

You are blessed to have these options to connect…..but its up to you to decide if you want to use them or not.

If you’d like to meet up with someone for coffee before the meeting then let us know and we’ll arrange that for you……..maybe a bit easier to arrive with someone esle than by yourself.

Joined in 2007
September 17, 2007, 14:23

hi nick, how’re you going?

my name’s phillip, and i’m new on the forum. i read your story a while ago and it really stuck with me. particularly the part about your family.

of course, i don’t know your family situation, but it’s always a tricky one isn’t it? whatever path you choose to take, don’t give up on them. you’re still their son, and that counts for a lot. if you love them, show it. fight for it.

i hope the best for you.

Joined in 2007
September 18, 2007, 14:02

Thanks phillip. I haven’t given up on my parents. Right now I decided to just cruise along and not create tension by outing myself to my parents. I dont think I can handle it right now so i’m still with my partner and just trying to figure things out myself. Still other issues I have to deal with

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
September 18, 2007, 19:46

there is always a right time for the flower to open or the butterfly to come out of the cocoon.

Joined in 2006
September 18, 2007, 20:39

Good for you Nick for taking your time. Always good to make sure you are in a good solid place in yourself.

Joined in 2007
September 19, 2007, 07:57

I think there is a right time for everything. Right now its not the right time. I’m sure there will come a time where I will be ready. Until that time comes, i’m just going to enjoy what I have now.

Thank you for all that has been so encouraging and messaging me when I am in need, especially those who have become friends. I wish i can hugs you all.

Joined in 2007
October 9, 2007, 10:54

Hi Nick,

I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing? It’s all well and good to achknowledge that resting in God is the right course of action right now, but much harder to actually do, I know. I hope that His prescence and word has given you some peace and perhaps some perspective on any future decisions.

I myself am going through a hard time with homosexualiy. My father (also gay) has recently started dating, my best friend wanted me to spend six months in what has been sarcastically dubbed ‘a straight camp’ and I have fallen like a ton of bricks for my boss if you can belive that, its like a soap opera over here! I too need to remember that resting in God is the right thing at some points in our lives.

I just wanted to touch base and make sure you are ok, it can be a lonely road sometimes. For those of you out there wondering what on earth I am doing here 🙂 I know, I know I said that I was taking a break, but then I remembered Nick and made an exception. hope the rest of the site is discovering and debating some good topics.

Remember Nick that we are not on a time limmit with God his love runs from the east to the west and He has always and will always be there. God has unlimmited patience for the honest struggler.

Also in relation to study on the debate I just re-read Anthony’s post on it being confusing and that is true, but I think it’s an important thing to keep on top of. If you are anything like me you have read Romans 1 a million times and no new inspiration follows. Books, if they are good can bring some clarity to the whole thing. Reserach also gives you a sense of agency in the whole thing, the feeling that yes you can actually DO something to help yourself. Remember though to stay away from psychology and biology texts, we don’t care what mere humans have to say on the topic, we want to know what God says! It also gives you something to say when you eventually come to some decisions and people challenge you.

I don’t claim to be any kind of an authority on this topic, but if you would like to talk [email protected] let me know.

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