There is maybe something like a gaydar. I experienced it in some ways like later on I discovered people where gay. And sometimes now I speak to brothers from around my age where I experience it and I get a bit anxious to them.

Me I don’t come out or plan to come out and life as a open gay. It looks more that God has a wife for me. Words and prophesies from different people. And I do not feel peace with it. I want to go in the ministry.

If you feel to go to bible college go and God will make a way. Do you know were you want to go? Australia or southern cross bible college. Or outside?

Okay, I have drafted ‘coming out’ a letter to my parents and I’m quite happy with it at the moment. I have a few concerns about the wording here and there, but the only major faults I can find lie in i) the abruptness of the letter, and ii) the fact that the first and last paragraphs seem to conflict (they don’t in my mind, but others may see it that way). I know I ramble a bit in the opening paragraphs, but I think they’re important to to effect I want to create. Also, I think I touched on everything I needed to, but if anyone can think of something I missed then I’m open to suggestions.

If anyone can be bothered to read to and criticise the letter they are more than welcome:

Mum and Dad,

I am writing this letter now for two very important reasons; the first is a sub-reason of the other, and the second addresses an issue that has weighed on my mind for years and – more recently and relevantly – for the past weeks. The first reason is that I do not like talking. In all the years of my existence I cannot once remember coming to either of you to talk about any issue of any consequence. This is not a trend I intend to change; it’s not that I’m scared or anxious, and it’s not about the amount of trust or love I have for you; it is simply that I find sentiment and expression awkward on several levels. I am therefore writing a letter because it will result in greater articulation of my thoughts than otherwise possible. I know this may be hard for you to accept, as you will doubtless feel the need to talk about this with me at greater length, however, a letter will be far more able to articulate the bulk of the thoughts that need to be expressed than a conversation could be.

The second reason is the crux of the matter, and ultimately has incentives of it’s own that need to be divulged. Firstly, let me say that there is no practical motive behind this letter; there is no worldly reason why I should be telling you all this now apart from conscience. I have been mulling over this matter in my mind for weeks, as well as praying and researching about it, and I have decided – on the heels of a great upheaval of my beliefs, psycho-emotional state and attitudes toward life, religion and morality – that this is the right time to be honest about myself. I need to put away this issue that has hung over my head for almost as long as I can remember, move on, and begin my life over – as it were, in fact, to begin my life for real, and focus on those things that really matter.

The issue – difficult as it may be for me to admit, and blunt as it may be for you to hear – is that I am gay – and I say that with no inconsiderable weight. For six years now I have dealt with this issue, and for six years now I have been trying my best to understand it, fathom it, neutralise it, and accept it; and what I understand is this:

· It is not a phase – it is an integral part of who I am, and trying to deny that will inevitably end badly.

· It is not learnt – nothing in my environment, upbringing or treatment as an individual caused this. As best as I can ascertain, it is a biological or genetic quality that could neither be foreseen nor prevented.

· It changes nothing about my personality, what my morals are, what I want to do or anything else pertaining to who I am. As are often common misconceptions: it does not make me promiscuous or any more sexually inclined than heterosexuals, it does not increase the chance of contracting HIV/AIDS, and does not mean that I will all of a sudden become effeminate – just to give a few examples.

Most importantly, I have come to the conclusion – after many hours of extensive research, prayer and thought – that being gay does not necessarily affect my faith*. I do not now cease to be a Christian because I have accepted my orientation, and all my former plans relating to the ministry are firmly intact. I still pray, read my Bible, and as always, my mind still whirls with a thousand and one theological or philosophical ideas at any given moment – indeed, since I stopped believing my sexuality to be sinful and trying to repress it, I have done these things more than before and with a renewed vigour. No, coming out changes nothing except my level of honesty.

I know, of course, that both of you are probably very full of questions and concerns, and certainly, in time I will address these as is proper; but for now I would ask you – recommend you, even – to take a little while to think this over before talking to me about it. I have had many years to deal with this matter, but you have had much less, and it will take time for your thoughts to properly coalesce. Know that I’m here when you’re ready.

Love,

William.

* I will not go into details here and, indeed, beg you not to ask me to go into detail at all, but rather do the research, prayer and thought for yourself. My answers to your questions would be too inarticulate and convoluted to be of much use.

When I was researching I found that many sources provided only inconclusive, wishy-washy arguments written as an excuse to justify sin. There are, however, many reliable websites out there, and the one I visited the most is http://www.gaychristian101.com, which provides scholarly Biblical perspectives on the issue of homosexuality, and though I approached it with doubt and mistrust, in the end, I could not fault their logic, motive, evidence, or Biblical authenticity.

its a good letter William…….very you….. 😆 😆 😆

i’m sure your parents know your style. Are they christians? I can’t remember.

the value of doing this yourself is that it put things out clearly about what you’d say and how you’d say it. If something comes up out of your control then at least you have things prepared in your mind to say.

if things blow up some time and you dont want to say anything you can storm out and hand them the letter and say…..read this…it will explain everything.

One suggestion would be that you could talk about the process of coming to terms with your sexuality.

here are the steps i’ve identified.

1. Denial

2. Rejection

3. Suppression

4. Hatred

5. Acceptance

6. Celebration

You could say that in your reading it tells you that when a child comes out thier parents then they usually follow ta similar journey……and throw in a bit of bargaining along the way. You could say……’I hope your journey to acceptance and celebration of your gay son doesn’t take as many years as it has for him.

My sentiments exactly Anthony 😀 But I said it on the original thread, 3000 thread changes ago 😉 (just kidding)

hey William…….i dont think you want to overload them too much. Just give them the necessary essentials. …..hopefully you will do lots of positive talking together after this.

is it a genuine concern that you might be thrown out. Twenty 10 http://www.twenty10.org.au/pages/aboutUs.html is a great resource for GLBT youth if you need additional stuff or support. You can contact Evan there if you like and tell him I sent you. [email protected]

When putting the content into your letter………try and put yourself in your parents shoes. How would they think. What would they like to hear or not hear.

When I work with guys who are married and gay……sometimes I ask them……if they put themselves in their wifes shoes….and they were the straight one married to the gay one…….would they prefer to know or would you rather not know your husband is gay. Suddenly they are out of their own world and see things from a totally different perspective. ‘I’d want them to be honest with me’…they say.

See if you can do that with your parents. Maybe you need to have two separate approaches. maybe tell one first then the other…….just some other options to consider………hey…can’t help myself…..I am a coach…..

😆 😆 😆