Well I have to say it is really nice to finally find a forum like this. Gay Christians don’t seem to exist in Scotland and those that do ghettoise themselves away from other Christians, but having been through what we all have been through it is understandable I suppose.

So here’s my story. Since I was born I have been brought up attending a fundamental Evangelical church. Like many of the stories I’ve read, I was brought up being taught that homosexuality was evil, sinful and a disgrace to God. When I was 13 I started to realise that I was attracted to boys and not girls, and this freaked me out as I knew/believed I was destined for The Big Fiery Furnace when I died. I went through the Holy Waters of Full Immersion Baptism when I was 15 believing that I would come out a new, clean, ‘straight’ Christian but obviously that didn’t work.

From there what followed was 7 years of mental torture. I left the family church and attended a Pentecostal/Charismatic church in the next town over and went through a range of Christian practices including exorcism, anointing with oil, healing and demons being cast out of me – all in an attempt to cure me of my homosexuality. Looking back on this period of my life now all i can ever remember is God telling me that he loved me, He never seemed to comment on my homosexuality. Therefore after seven years of that I stopped going to church altogether. I was fed up of Christians judging me and basically rating me as the world’s second worse sinner, a child abuser being the first!

From then on I stopped attending church and started to explore this aspect of myself that I had been trying so hard to get rid of. It was a truly cathartic experience, and I can now happily say that i’ve accepted my homosexuality and i like it. Although saying that it is not without its problems, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. I feel that being brought up in a Christian family has left me with morals and values, which I am proud of, but cause difficulties.

Trying to find a man in Glasgow who understands what I’ve been through and will take the time to get to know me and be patient with me is really difficult. I don’t like the gay scene at all – it is full of men wanting only one thing and that’s not who i am. There are aspects of gay sex that freak me out and I don’t even know if i will ever be able to do them, my past two relationships fell apart for that very reason.

So that is just a BRIEF summary of my story, if i was to go in detail and everything I would be typing for hours and this would go WAY over a thousand words hahaha!

My deepest, darkest more kept secret is that I am truly PETRIFIED of dying alone, and in some wee recess in the back of mind (which i KNOW is internalised homophobia) is telling me that it is God punishing me for being gay! And I KNOW that God wouldn’t do that and it’s not in his nature to do that, but i can’t help feeling the way I feel.

Hope this helps someone realise that they aren’t the only one!

Much Love to You All

Justin

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Brief is okay Justin…….more people read the shrot story instead of the long one. thats why we suggest no more than a 1000 words.

Welcome to our first Scottish person on the forum (as far as I know)……its great to have you with us. after reading your story i think you are going to find much that you relate to in my book. it will be like reading your own story. I think you’ll find some answers to some questions as well.

there is a big difference between the gay scene and the gay community. I work as a coach and often have clients who are trying to establish friendships in their new gay world. I always suggest that they volunteer for one of the gay community organisations. there are several benefits from that. One is that you usually meet quality people who are motivated to give back and want to make a difference. this is very different to meeting gay men in a bar. In those situations they sexual agenda is much lower on the list.

I’ve found that I can live a moral life as a gay man. I often say to people ‘my morality is a choice but my sexual orientation however isn’t.

I know what you mean about thinking that God might be punishing you because you are gay. I had the same thing. My life as a married man, father and preacher on the whole was pretty good. When I came out it seemed to be one disaster after another. I realise now of course this was not the judgement of god but lots of stuff that I had to work through personally from my past to find wholeness and healing. Nowadays I love being who I am.

After you’ve finished reading my book. I suggest you read “finding the boyfriend within”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0743225309/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

some of the reviews are scathing but I loved it. You’ll find my review on page 4.

looking forward to hearing more from you.

You sound like a sweety 😉 Im positive there is that special guy for you soon.

You, obvious? 😯 nahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! 😉

It is very liberating to be open yes and less stressful, in yourself anyhow.

I do think it takes a lot of courage to stand by what you believe in, when everyone else hassles you for it but it makes you a stronger person. I love the feeling of having boundaries 8)

I know when i read other stories about men coming out in their 40s and 50s i can’t imagine how they had the strength and courage to do that! I mean I only came out a year and half ago, and I was 22! Then I hear about kids coming out at 12/13 years old! I guess its everyone’s own personal journey

AVB just received my copy of the book this morning – you were right that was fast! Will be starting it in earnest this afternoon – its 11:10am over here! lol

Much Love to All

Justin

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