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17, closeted and otherwise exceedingly boring...

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magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
February 25, 2008, 09:54

Hey William, I know of a lady in my church like yourself who from a young age just never felt the need for a partner, she is 50 now and loves the life she leads. I also know of a man in exactly the same position, it just wasnt there, it makes me think of scripture where some are just called to that kind of service and if so, you wont feel lonely or the need for a close intimate r/ship with anyone. They have many great friends a very few close ones but very content.



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
February 25, 2008, 10:21

My post was more about encouraging friendship than a relationship. When God said “it is not good for man to be alone” I don’t think He meant merely in the realm of an intimate, physical relationship. Pyschology tells us that people are social beings by nature, that we need other people in our lives, some friends and some aquaintences. You don’t have to function on a very intimate level to be friends with someone. I have a friendship that is based significantly around a love for the same tv show, a tv show that has not been on free tv for a good number of years now and its hardly intimate!


You must get told alot that you are too young to know anything, I am 24 and people still say it to me, more along the lines of “oh you will change your mind one day, when the right man comes along” *sigh* but the person saying that is usually my mother so I supose she has more cause for denial than most 😆 no wedding bells or the pitter patter of little feet just might break her heart, thank God I have siblings!


I guess its hard for me to relate to the way you must feel, I would be lost without my friends and while I know I must remain celibate I don’t want to be. People tend to say celibacy is a calling, which frustrates me because the insinuation behind it is that its easier for people who have been ‘called’ to that ‘lifestyle’ as if somehow God gives me a helping hand that he has not extended to others who have ‘tried’ celibacy and found it too difficult. Sorry venting…. 🙄 I’ll stop now.



Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
February 25, 2008, 19:41

I really enjoyed reading your post. What an incredible journey (so far) for someone your age to travel. I cannot imagine how difficult it was for you to deal with the realisation, of being gay, at such a young age. As for your one friend that you have come out to, I have found that kind of reaction to be more common than you think at your age. A friend recently told me her story, when she came out to her best friend at the age of 16. Prior to her announcement they walked around school arm in arm, often kissed cheeks on greeting etc. When she told her that she was gay, her friend could barely go near her let alone physically touch her,lol! 😕 However they are both 21 and all is well now! Thanks again for a reading treat and welcome to the forum!! 😀



Shantih Shantih Shantih
 
Joined in 2008
February 26, 2008, 16:43

Thanks Michelle. I did figure that a homophobic reaction would be fairly common in many people that are prejudiced or otherwise just not very comfortable with homosexuality and the stigma attached to it. I just didn’t expect it from him, probably (and politically incorrectly) because he is, hands down, far more ‘gay’ than I am. (He once told me that a shirt I was wearing looked slimming on me – and that’s just not something a teenage boy lives down… 😀 )


Sandy, I apologise if I gave the impression that I didn’t know what you were saying before, reading back on my post I realise it wasn’t particularly clear in regard to what I was referring to. I did actually mean to include friendships in my moratorium on relationships (close friendships at least). For the record, I do have several friends that I’m not close to in addition to my best friend, but (if I’m being completely honest), they serve no emotional purpose – I hang around with and talk to them at school, but otherwise they’re not really a big part of my life.


Also, I’m afraid I have to agree with Mags on the ‘celibacy is a calling’ issue. I agree that it isn’t any easier for us to be celibate than for others, but like the people Mags mentioned, in the end, I think we will be able to bear it if God wills it. Of course, you may be right – perhaps there is some hidden or subconscious insinuation behind – but I don’t think it is intended that way most of the time.


I’m in a similar poition with my mother. While I’m not out to her, I’ve told her point blank many times that I’ll never get married – but she’s still away in her happy fantasy world, planning my wedding 😆 .


Oh, and, thanks Anthony… 🙂



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
February 26, 2008, 17:33

The people I mentioned apart from others I know, did say that they considered marriage at some point because they felt maybe it was the right thing to do but it just wasnt in them, the female actually never even had sexual urges 😯 which is rare but they prayed “ok God if you want me to be with someone then the right person I can fall in love with will come along and we will connect” and it just never happened and with that it made it easier for them to get over the “hormonal period” if it arose, it sounds pretty similar to your thy will be done and its a good starting point but as you probably know with God you never know whats around the corner but he never throws things before us we cant handle or with some help cant handle, if this is where he wants you for now, nothing wrong with that.

My younger brother is not a Christian (although the christian skaters appeal to him greatly he told me 😀 ) but he doesnt want a g/f or b/f for that matter and thats fine, he is good looking and great personality but it isnt in him yet, so its not unusual.



Shantih Shantih Shantih
 
Joined in 2008
February 26, 2008, 17:44

…with God you never know whats around the corner but he never throws things before us we cant handle…


That’s absolutely true. Before our respective times are done, both Sandy and I could form divinely inspired, life-long relationships… 😯


Bit of stretch, though… 😆



magsdee
Disabled
Joined in 2006
February 26, 2008, 18:06

😆 😆 with Sandy as long as pasta is involved its all go go go 😉 (Oh my, Im a dead woman walking again 😯 )



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
February 26, 2008, 21:59

If someone was to invent chocolate pasta that tastes better than it sounds I would be head over heels :lol:.


I just wrote a long responce and then read it back and deleted it because it was emotional and my arugment was all over the place. Right now the whole thing is too close to my heart for me to even try to be objective. I will say however that your argument falls a bit when people can not control themselves sexually. One could justify their behaviour by saying God did not give them the strength to overcome their desire constantly so therefore they must not be ‘called’ to celibacy. In fact I could use that argument myself. What happens if the ‘practise’ of celibacy or lack thereof conflicts with the ‘theory’ or theology that sex is reserved for the marriage relationship? Which one has more authenticity? One could imagine that God has forgotten them or failed because He is not equipping them to overcome the sin and they continue to suffer their preverbial thorn in the flesh. Sometimes God gives us the strength to endure but not to overcome, I admit that that aspect of my life is out of control, it has been so for two years and I am so far from handling it its laughable.


To say that I will never be in a long term relationship is to say that I understand what God wants for me and to put it lightly, I don’t. However it seems unlikely and maybe I don’t want it to be likely because I would have given up something infinatly wonderful in a previous relationship for nothing… I’m not sure I could handel that. People often say how liberating coming to believe pro-gay theology is but I think I would be totally deverstated about the choices I have made if it did end up having merit.



Shantih Shantih Shantih
 
Joined in 2008
February 27, 2008, 00:17

Mmmm…I do see your point there, Sandy. I suppose I may be looking at the issue from my perspective a bit too much – as I’ve said before, I believe myself incapable of a relationship that is not directly instated by God, so I didn’t really consider it from your side.


But then I think, ‘what’s the alternative‘? That God does not intend for anyone to remain celibate? That we make the choice by ourselves, apart from God’s will? Surely not that.


Hmmm…something to think about, to be sure…



Sandy
 
Joined in 2007
February 27, 2008, 08:33

Ok so here is how I believe God solves that conundrum. We are not called to celibacy, we are commanded. For those not married, whether they be gay or straight God commands them to be celibate until such time as they do marry. To say its a calling is too soft and implies that it is only applicable to a few. I think there are more people in the world that struggle to remain faithful (to God) in the face of sexual desire than not. So what does that say about God’s ability to only give us what we can handle?


First, there is a difference between overcoming something so you don’t struggle with it and enduring it. God gives us the strength to endure our crosses just as Christ endured His but not always to overcome them, in the end His grace is sufficient. Jesus begged God to take away His cup of suffering but God refused because He had a bigger picture plan, He did however give Jesus the strength to endure His suffering and forgive the sins of the world.


God grants abilities and gifts to all people in varying degrees and over a broad spectrum. Perhaps some people have the ability to overcome sinful sexual desire like the individuals Maggie mentioned however this is a God-given gift and not a calling. For others their gifts and abilities lie elsewhere but the command remains the same for all unmarried people.


If celibacy was my choice I would leave right now and travel to the end of the earth in search of Marina, but it is not my choice per se. The only choice I get is to remain faithful to God day by day and to surrender to both His will and His grace. I am the servant not the master. I know that my argument rests on a very conservative premise and I’m not going to be offended if no one agrees with me. However, I think it solves the ‘whats the alternative?’ problem in a way that a pro-gay approach couldn’t without justifying both celibacy and sexual intimacy outside of marriage as a calling and not a calling respectively.


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