17, closeted and otherwise exceedingly boring...

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Shantih Shantih Shantih
Joined in 2008
March 14, 2008, 22:01

Hello All,

I’m writing now to announce that I am taking my leave of this forum, and that I will no longer post, as it has come to my attention that I have been either the cause or a major cause of the disruption F2b has endured over the past weeks.

At this, some of you may be nodding your heads in agreement; others may be shaking theirs in horror at the possibility that conflict has driven me away. In truth, however, it was an oversight for me to have joined F2b in the first place, and the fault is entirely mine. I knew my nature, I knew that, whether intended or not, I would bring dissonance; but in my heightened state of euphoria at finally accepting my sexuality, I did not consider these things as I should have, and I made a mistake. I feel that I have shattered what was once an almost utopian society, where people were free to express opinions without argument, and I hope my pending absence helps you all to achieve that state once again.

So, that said, I would like to apologise from the bottom of my heart for all the hurt, offence, and discord I have caused during my stay, express my sincere hopes that you will heal and find restoration without me, and bow out gracefully.

God bless,

– William.

Dove Snuggler
Joined in 2007
March 15, 2008, 00:45

Hi William

You are great with the quotes:

“The argument is at an end” – Saint Augustine.

But where does this leave you?

The issue is not whether you have offended people (and I’d hasten to say that you above all have apologised on every occasion for your comments, whether or not you needed to), but whether you have gained from Freedom 2B what you set out to achieve?

I don’t know you well enough to know the answer to this question. I am convinced your thoughts and needs will change over time unless you are a reincarnation of Gandhi or my grandfather. I’m not sure which one you might be?

I don’t think you believe any of your thoughts or needs will change and that is entirely your prerogative. However you have a right to share your ideas and questions on this forum. You also have a right to leave us.

However, please don’t leave because you have offended people, because although you are blunt (your own word), I think we are all grown up enough to discern your teenage enthusiasm from your comments.

If you are leaving because you are disillusioned by the responses to your posts, I’d much rather be told we are just not what you expected when you came to this site.

If you insist you’re just too offensive, I would beg you to reconsider your decision. Why don’t you let the readers decide?

Or is that too much of a risk?

In any case, take care. You are appreciated for disclosing a part of yourself on Freedom 2B.



Joined in 2006
March 15, 2008, 08:45

William, it is sad that you feel the way you do…….Its been a case of knowing when to stop hammering the same point over again and again. You are always welcome here and know that. I guess also it has been not just from yourself but the fact that certain things were being pointed out to those who already have had certain things pointed out and they dont really need to hear it in such an intense manner over and over again because we have come to some sort of resolution already. Also when someone is given a positive comment, its not necessary to shoot them down with a negative and proof of why the comment is maybe wrong.

Im so glad you accepted your orientation I really am, thats a biggy but at any stage you feel comfy coming back please do so. We all here agree that God accepts us in our orientation, whether that be single or otherwise and if you believe better to be single, thats cool too but no point arguing the point, I know there are plenty of other things that could be discussed and gently debated and people wont feel as if they need to defend themselves. Agree to disagree scenarios have always worked best.

Looking forward to seeing how things go for you when you are ready to post again. God Bless.

(whatever I am saying here is being said in a big sisterly manner not in anger, its so important I have learnt throughouit my life to listen to people older than me whether I agree with them or not because really, many of us were bright eyed and clever and felt we didnt need anyone to tell us the ins and outs of stuff but later realised through what life had either dealt us or just mere life experience that in many ways they were right but we just werent in a place where we could see it. I do learn from people younger than me also in that I get to see another angle but we should never shoot down a rebuke and show respect as to maybe yes we need to pull our head in a bit, youre a good person and have soooooo much to experience as yet and many things that you will never learn in books.)

Shantih Shantih Shantih
Joined in 2008
March 23, 2008, 22:34

I moved this post here from the Needing prayer support…? thread. As I indicate, I originally didn’t know where to put this post, and for some reason it didn’t occur to me to put it here until Sandy suggested it – no idea why, just wasn’t thinking, I guess…

Hi All,

I’m posting this here mostly because I’m trying not to draw attention to myself by starting a new thread, and I don’t really want to make a big deal out of the issue, and this seemed like the appropriate place to put it. I’m not actually asking for prayer support, per se, because you may very well end up praying for me for a looooong time yet, as I still have no idea what I’ll do.

Basically, the event I mentioned in my ‘Gaydar’? thread (namely, the coming-out of two school acquaintances) has actually affected me quite profoundly in that I have since started to think about coming out for myself. Recently, with my new outlook on life, renewed connection with God, and new comfort with my sexuality I’m finding it increasingly difficult to go on being so dishonest about myself* – despite the logic of staying closeted. To be honest I don’t know what I’m looking for here other than a place to vent, as I don’t expect anyone to have any particular insight into my situation that will effect my decision (of course, if anyone has advice to give it would be more than welcome).

Firstly, I must say that I’m not too concerned about the reactions of other people to my sexuality: my best friend already knows, my school friends have come to expect nothing less than perpetual surprise from me and will otherwise not really care, and I just don’t care what the extended family think.

Slightly more complicated is the issue of my parents: my father, for one, will ‘not care’ in the name of the tolerance and support he believes he owes to his children (even though he’d actually be disappointed inside – but that’s a whole other story). Mother wouldn’t be much hassle either – she’d just deal with it in her calm, consistent way: at worst, she’ll ignore me for a few weeks, then she’ll be uncomfortable around me for a while, and though she may never look at me the same again, eventually things will be back to normal.

No, I’m not concerned about what the neighbours will think. The two things that get me more than anything, really, are: i) how do I broach the subject, and ii) what about my future?

The former is very much a problem for me because of my adversity to both talking to my parents and mushy, sentimental situations with my parents. I am the least family-oriented person in the universe, and generally hold the family unit as a whole to be some kind of cruel experiment the neo-conservatives maintain just to watch us squirm 😀 . So it stands to reason that I don’t want to talk extensively with my parents about anything like this, and writing a letter would be more suitable.

Of course, letters hold their own dangers in that then I have to enter in to a chain of sentiment-swapping conversations wherein I have to assure them over and again that I still love them, that it’s not their fault, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Besides that, there is the issue of what will happen in the future (I believe I have neglected as yet to mention that I plan to be a minister). Naturally, at some point I will probably end up at a Bible College somewhere, and there’s no guarantee that they’ll be accepting or tolerant of my orientation, and even if I go back into the closet while there, then there’s no saying I won’t somehow be exposed through others.

There’s also the issue of what happens after Bible college – a partially conservative gay Pentecostal preacher doesn’t necessarily have many options – but that’s entirely in God’s hands; I trust Him to provide for me in that respect.

I think that’s about all I wanted to get off my chest. Again, I’m not asking for advice or prayer – this post is really just for my peace of mind – but if you want to contribute either I certainly won’t hold it against you. 🙂

Thanks for putting up with my musings, God bless,

– William.

* I actually did a bit damage a while ago with my rash, impulsive beliefs about my own future (not taking God and his apparent love of turning the world on it’s head into consideration), and I explicitly told my school friends that I’m asexual. Naturally, that concept was bizarre and perplexing to them and they started to tell everyone they met about it – so now half the school thinks I don’t have any sexuality, which I have hereto only found to be a bonus. So that may be a bit awkward when it comes to it. 😕

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
March 23, 2008, 23:56

Hey William……i’m going to make another suggestion. Why dont you take the above post and commence a new thread in the discussion section. “To come out or not come out – that is the question”

I actually coach people in this area. It is an important topic for everyone….and I think especially the lurkers who will read the contributions. we have tackle it before in the forum but its in lots of separate posts.

If we look at this separately I’m sure it will be quite valuable.

what do you think.

Shantih Shantih Shantih
Joined in 2008
March 24, 2008, 15:35

Looks like I’m not the only one who’s confused about where this post should be 😆 .

Dove Snuggler
Joined in 2007
March 24, 2008, 21:45

Hi William

While you deliberate on where you want your post to be, let me suggest just one thing.

If you need to come out to your parents by letter, what if you try doing it in 2-3 paragraphs (i.e. less than a page). The qualifying questions might be something like: ‘How long will it take them to understand what you are saying?’ ‘How many times do you need to tell them you love them?’ ‘How much justifying do you need to do to persuade them you are committed to your divine destiny?’

I missed out on being able to come out to my father as he died before I could arrive at that decision. However I have since realised his actions towards me as a child reflect that he knew all along. I did write a letter to my ex-wife to explain why I needed to come out to my children. I didn’t quite stick to the one page limit, but it explained the things I could not say in person. There was no misunderstanding. (And I was very sure to point out that I was never unfaithful to her during our marriage).

I came out to several of my friends by presenting them with the draft of a book I wrote about my life. However, sometimes just drafting a letter gives me the courage to tell somebody what I need to tell them in person.

There is no prescription to coming out and I’m sure everybody’s story is different. The important thing is to find your own peace about it. Take care.


Shantih Shantih Shantih
Joined in 2008
March 24, 2008, 22:56

Actually, Kit, that sounds like exceptional advice. In my head I just have this idea that if I write a letter it has to be rather long and sentimental (remember that in my mind, sentiment equals awkwardness when it comes to family, so I like to avoid that).

I like the ‘one page limit’ thing and the criteria sound good too. That puts it in some greater perspective [nodding, wishing there was a ‘thoughtful’ emoticon]. It’s starting to come together in my head now.

Thank you, Kit, I didn’t expect anyone to have any particularly good advice (I’ve been reading some of the threads on GCN about coming out, and they haven’t really been useful), but that really was very helpful.

Much gratitude,

– William.

PS. Sorry to hear about your father and your inability to come out to him. 🙁

Joined in 2006
April 8, 2008, 07:40

Hey William, great pic 😀 you do look like youre a Uni student. 8) Its always refreshing to put a face to people that you post with. 😉

The girl with the dark hair in my pic is my g/f, Im the one on the left above her sort of-ish.

Joined in 2008
April 8, 2008, 08:20

loving the pic! Work it William! Work it! 8)

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