Hi, so glad to find this website 🙂 🙂

I have come from a christian up bringing, where we always attended a church, gave thanks before each meal and where God was the centre of who we are. As far as I can remember I have always been God aware, even at an early age.

I found at around age 10 I was very aware that I was attracted to girls and had several crashes on my friends growing up, some I explored kissing etc with. As a result of being attracted to girls I felt lonely and depressed at many times in my life and questioned “How could God, who I so love, turn a blind eye to my sin”. Also how would my family react was a key issue to me. At around 13 I decided that I was “not going to hell” and was going to make myself straight. This made a very unhappy me with my first attempted suicide at that age. I remember mum and dad had sent the Pastor to hospital to talk to me, but how could I even open up to anyone, let alone a man of God.

I continued on trying to make myself happy with my straight choice. I got married at 18 (was a great way of getting out on my own) had convinced myself I loved this man and was going to have kids and live a happy life. I did tell him of my attraction to other women and almost didnt go through with the wedding. I was a faithful wife, despite my continual attraction, which wouldnt go away. I had decided that if I just pressed into God more, it would eventually go away. I worked in the community helping disadvantaged and low income familes and so loved sharing my caring nature with others. I had many so called deliverance attempts, countless hours of Christian Counselling and even once had 40 days of prayer and fasting to change who I was. Finally one day I thought: ‘Great – I can finally have a healthy relationship with an attractive woman without being attracted to her’.

My spiritual journey was the most important thing to me. My family and 3 children were as well. I seem to thrive serving in church life and as a christian using my spiritual gifts. I moved to Sydney with my husband (who had commited his life to God not long before our move) and children, after being called to attend Bible college. I so loved the word of God and found this experience challenging yet so fulfilling. I was serving in Pastoral care of a church of around 300 , leading bible studies, active on the prayer team and in the community. My same sex attraction, wasn’t something that stayed suppressed though, despite 1000’s of times of asking God to take this away.

My marriage ended, and after years of serving in the church community, I found I was needing the very support and love I’d given out, as did my children, from others in my church community. After a few years of hanging in there I finally left the church, after much soul searching.

After weighing up how my children and family would be affected, I finally came out as a lesbian. I found it was finally time to love who I was and embrace the fact that I was attracted to women and wanted a loving healthy relationship. It’s been so freeing to be me and I am at my happiest and haven’t regretted a single moment since. Of course as in any relationships I have taken a while to find the right one for me. I have been with my current partner for 5 years and am engaged to her. I’m hoping that one day we will have the right to marry.

Spiritually I’m flat. I can’t feel Gods presence at all. I avoid any thoughts of where God truly stands on same sex relationships.I lost all my friends when I came out. My mum and sister are accepting and loving after there intial shock, which is amazing, just a shame they live so far away. I am currently considering finding a church (after all this time) that is same sex accepting, which isnt an easy task. I call it straightsvillie where I live in Sydney lol 😀 , so don’t like my chances in this area.

Hi Princess_Fiona

Good on you for coming out and finding your partner. 🙂

I don’t live in the Sydney area but there are many here who do who will be able to suggest churches. What sort of service, worship style or denomination do you like? There’s also some welcoming churches listed in our resources section.

As well as those, we have some great articles that take a look at homosexuality and the bible. It’s not the negative stuff you might have heard. Also the dvd of ‘For the Bible Tells Me So’ is an excellent doco that will provide an alternative view. I highly recommend that one. 🙂

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Mother Hen

Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad as I said that I have found this site, I have spent hours reading through some postings, fell asleep last night in front of laptop reading one 😀

I don’t feel courageous at all, yes it was hard coming out, particularly to my kids. My children had grown up in church, my oldest sons first reaction was disgust and was coming from a total religious point of view. I was prepared for any reaction and allowed each of them to ask questions if they wanted and also allowed them to express how they felt. My youngest son was so cute that day, can remember going into the kitchen and baking a cake with him after our chat. He was only 8 then and said to me something like this “mum so you like girls, I just want you to know I don’t like boys, I like girls like you do” and with that he smiled. My middle son was shocked and didnt comment at all. That was over 7 years ago and of course there has been times it has been hard. Other kids can be nasty and cruel at times and that was something I so didnt want to happen but knew there would be times like that. 🙁 My youngest has found it the hardest and still at times I think finds it hard. We respect that and try and make it as easy as I can for him.Oldest son did a complete turn around and embraces who I am and so does middle son. I would tell them that its okay if others don’t cope, some people find it hard to understand. But they would tell there friends at school, “if you can’t accept who my mum is, then your not worth having as a friend” So there the courageous ones!!!.

It is great that my mum and sister have accepted who I am. I think it was easier for me to tell mum, as dad had passed away a few years before. Doubts that I would of had the courage to tell my dad.

I am hoping in time to reconcile my faith and sexuality. To be totally honest it petrifies me.

Once again thank you for your welcome.

hugs

Hi Princess_Fiona

Good on you for coming out and finding your partner. 🙂

I don’t live in the Sydney area but there are many here who do who will be able to suggest churches. What sort of service, worship style or denomination do you like? There’s also some welcoming churches listed in our resources section.

As well as those, we have some great articles that take a look at homosexuality and the bible. It’s not the negative stuff you might have heard. Also the dvd of ‘For the Bible Tells Me So’ is an excellent doco that will provide an alternative view. I highly recommend that one. 🙂

I look forward to hearing more from you.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Ann Maree

Thank you for responding to my posting. In answer to your question about the type of service, worship style or denomination I like. I did grow up in the Anglican church, but as an adult choose to attended Charismatic and Pentecostal churches. I have looked at the list of churches and have visited alot of there websites. Not sure if I’m ready to venture out as yet, but looks like I have a 45 min drive or so to closest one on that list.

I will look into the doco and also the article you suggested. I was reading a posting in the discussion section last night, got through a few pages. I do feel I’m drawn right now to keep reading, so hopefully in time I will find my way out of this wilderness and barren place.

So wishes now I didnt give away all my resources I had from bible college days. I had some fantastic books on bibical hermeneutics. I’m thankful I have the internet, just scared to search for answers to my questions. I may not find all the answers I’m looking for! From the different postings I’ve read, articles and websites , as you probably know all have various interpretations on scriptures which can be like a mine field sifting through it all.

Thank you again for your tips on what to look at.

hugs

Hey, Princess_Fiona. Welcome to freedom2b. One of the beautiful things about this site is suddenly discovering that others here have been through, or are going through, much the same experience. You are not alone after-all! There are many common parts of our journey’s, but also lots of variables. We all help each other in our journeys of discovery and reconciliation. I just know your involvement will be helpful to you … and the reports of your journey will then encourage others. God bless.