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40 year old Lesbian - Out - Spiritually Broken

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Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
December 14, 2011, 20:42

Hi Ammi


Sorry if I came across the wrong way in my posting to you, its always hard when you can't hear someones tone of voice or know them personality and written word can come across in a way you don't intend it to. I didnt think for a minute you meant I was to be healed of my sexual orientation.


Thank you for wishing me well on my journey.




Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
December 14, 2011, 22:12

Hi Mother Hen


Nice to hear from you again, hope you are doing well. Just wanted to respond to what you said.


I had thought that was what was important to you and that is why I gave you the link to my son’s bible study. Then with all of the other comments I was concerned that giving the link was not such a good idea.


I have spent some time reading since you gave me the link, first looking back through older postings till I found your son's story. It was nice to read your first few comments in the parents/supporters section also. Wow I was amazed, this was only 1 year ago since you found out and also around 7 months or so since you first joined the site. 🙂 What a year its been I'm sure, now your one of the most amazing women on this site, who offers support and encouragement to so many, thank you so much for all you do and share. I know I appreciate your postings to me. You certainly were helpful in giving me that link, so please be confident that you did the right thing. I am half way through reading it right now. Am taking my time to digest it part by part. I have a pen and notebook handy (so I can look up things later and also as I go) and I have found it most helpful. 🙂


I understand the hurt you are feeling from the church, I was let down terrible and deeply hurt by the church as well, to the point I struggle to walk in the doors of one.


At the time I felt so terrible let down and dissolution with the church, I remember feeling like I was tipped upside down and all my beliefs that I had, all my beliefs about the church, God and Jesus were all shaken out and fell on the ground. I then had to work out what was true for me and what wasn’t. What was God really saying. I learnt it is a lot simpler to be a Christian than the church makes out. I learnt that there is a big difference between the church and God.


I'm sorry to hear of your pain (thank you for sharing that), I too came to the same point long ago where I realised that Church and God are entirely different. When I was actively servicing in the church I could see a message of "Jesus is love and love one another" but yet knew a large number of church members who were honest enough to say they didnt feel that love, mainly from the church. The focus was so much on building the kingdom, that there wasnt a balance of preaching Gods love or enough Pastor care. Of course no church is perfect and this isnt a church bashing comment, just an observation from the past. Its so sad that the one place that is meant to be a place of celebration, love, joy, teaching and worship, is for so many a painful place of past hurts due to many factors. (I will focus on working on this later down the track, when I'm ready to venture in the doors again, much healing needed there.)


I think the main point to get out of it is, things aren’t as black and white as the church would have us believe. There are other plausible interpretations of the scriptures that are different than what the church use to condemn LGBT people.


I think we can all agree the church has got many issues wrong in the past. They have changed their views and minds on what they believed the scriptures to say on different issue, I believe it is also the case on homosexuality. I’m not afraid to say the church has got it wrong.


As you mentioned it’s important to you for you to come to own understanding and revelation on the issue. You have to do what is right for you and in the timing that is right for you. Doesn’t matter how long it takes or even if you get to that place, God still loves you, take nice baby steps


I am keeping all this in mind, as I look into the scriptures and read articles, after all man is not perfect and many things have been lost due to interpretations over the years from the original Hebrew and Greek. I'm keeping in mind what I learnt in Bible college of context etc also. Thank you for affirming my previous comments, with the above sentence, it is important to me and you right timing isnt an issue.


If today was my last day on earth I would be content that I have done all I could to live it authentically as possible with the knowledge I had, with a love of God in my heart. Many may judge me for who I am or where I am at spiritually, but there is only One who concerns me! (I don't mean anyone on here of course) 🙂 As I wrote that I realised "Not a bad place to be in such a short time".


Hugs

P.S You don't ramble, your words are like gems from heaven 🙂



Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
December 14, 2011, 23:20

Hi sarab


Thank you for your comments, I too spent some time to stop and think things through and to work out what is right for me. You ask for comments on what you said so here is what I got from what you said and also my opinion (I'm no expert of course, like you are in the process of working things through).

With that in mind, I think its important to remember, no one size fits all (if you get what I mean). We are all diffferent in so many way as human beings (as in different personalities), so we can all take or need a different amounts of time to process things, (this is especially good to remember when we find ourselves thinking that, what we are looking at or tackling is much more harder than first thought). So many factors go into how long a process can take or how we work on it. As we are at different stages of our lives and life experiences and we all have a different capacity to process things (how much stress we can take and how much we can take on to reach that level where it is stressful). I think its fair to say its an indivdual thing. Of course being aware of all these things and knowing our limits I think is important. I like your "quiet walk" picture as I've previously said and maybe its possible for you to work on all 3 areas to some extent at once, as Anthony said some overlap. Its always good to get other's opinions or comments on what they found helpful in there journey or life experiences etc and we need to remain teachable and open to look objectively at theses.

Finally I want to say to you sarab, "Do what is right for you, work at a pace that your happy with and also most importantly, on what rings true to your soul and spirit". "You will know in time if that right for you, trust in your self".


I guess my thinking about the word "integrating" is as follows:

When I first started seeing the counsellor – my thinking was around "undoing" the supression, the "mistakes" I had made in the past. The counsellor shifted me to the word "integrating" which I see as more helpful. I can't undo my past – so what can i do? I am left with considering "how can I think about or consider my past in the light of my present and my future journey?" Athough our journeys have been incredibly different I can really relate to regarding the "me from the past as a stranger" – I stop and think – "who was that person who ignored connection, intimacy, acknowledgement of sexuality…."? However, that person was me – and this person now is me – so…. I guess I am back to figuring out how to "integrate" the two. Just thinking now – maybe "integrate" just means a quiet acceptance. So I don't know Princess Fiona if that might fit with you? A quiet acceptance/integration of past…. with present…


This subject has been on my mind a few times in past few days, so thank you for the above as it helped me to process what I was thinking. I did say and mean that the me from the past seems like such a stranger. I now realise that me from the past is still there. For now a little quieter and not such a raving lunatic for God lol (maybe I should put it nicer way than that, when talking on my past and myself). I'm still a passionate person, I can see that still in me for things that matter to me, (equality for all etc). I still wish to grow spiritually as I always have and to some point I still can see many of the abilities and also still have a heart to help anyone hurting. So I guess I'm not that different, just how I express that now is. Some things may have changed to varying degrees and may continue to change no doubt. (you'll all silence me if I turn into a raving luncatic for God again lol).


Wishing you a wonderful rest of the week


Hugs

P.S You don't ramble either, (Mother Hen said that also) your words are valuable and I'm glad you share them. 🙂



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
December 15, 2011, 10:29

Quote from Princess _Fiona on December 14, 2011, 10:12 pm


Wow I was amazed, this was only 1 year ago since you found out and also around 7 months or so since you first joined the site. 🙂 What a year its been I'm sure, now your one of the most amazing women on this site, who offers support and encouragement to so many, thank you so much for all you do and share. I know I appreciate your postings to me.


Princess Fiona,


Just want to thank you for your kind words, you have no idea how much them mean to me. So very very different than when I was involved in different aspects of the church. I've never had such kind beautiful words said to me ever in the church. It's nice to know that my little bit of input is appreciated and helps and encourages other's. Encourages me to keep posting on the forum. So thankyou so much. You are such a blessing to this site and an encouragement to other's.




Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
December 15, 2011, 11:08

Quote from sarab on December 13, 2011, 8:15 pm

Hmm this discussion has given me a bit to think about.

Anthony – you said –


it would probably good to mention is case people don't realise…….these three journeys are not taken at the same pace or time. In fact some you have to shut down for a time in order to do the other.


The only way I could survive mentally and emotionally was to put my christian belief system on hold for 6 years.


More details about this in my next book.


Anthony – so I don't have to wait for the book 🙂 – i wondered if you can explain this a bit more?


If I did have the time I would sarahb……sorry you will have to wait for the book…..but you may have sorted this out by then.



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
December 15, 2011, 11:12

have your read my autobiography…..some of this is in there…..the new book will have more though.

Even thought the second edition has sold out…….There is an audio version of the original edition available on audible.com and also through Itunes.

A third edition is coming out but that might not be for another six months. If you get on my newsletter list then you will be notified of that.

Sign up here http://visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?llr=7x9auubab&p=oi&m=1101277457148

Anthony Venn-Brown

LGBT Consultant and professional coach, working with gay, lesbian, bisexual clients and those questioning their sexual identity

Strategic Coming Out – Married & Gay – Faith Sexuality Conflict – Living Authentically – Life After the Closet



Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
December 15, 2011, 17:41

Quote from avennbrown on December 15, 2011, 11:12 am

have your read my autobiography…..some of this is in there…..the new book will have more though.

Even thought the second edition has sold out…….There is an audio version of the original edition available on audible.com and also through Itunes.

A third edition is coming out but that might not be for another six months. If you get on my newsletter list then you will be notified of that.

Sign up here http://visitor.r20.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?llr=7x9auubab&p=oi&m=1101277457148

Anthony Venn-Brown

LGBT Consultant and professional coach, working with gay, lesbian, bisexual clients and those questioning their sexual identity

Strategic Coming Out – Married & Gay – Faith Sexuality Conflict – Living Authentically – Life After the Closet



Hi Anthony


I know you were mainly speaking to sarab with the above, due to her questions previously.


I'm not an auditory learner unfortunately and it would drive me nuts to have to keep rewinding and listen over and over. I'm happy to wait for the third edition (yeah I'm on the list for newsletter). Out of curiosity how many copies were released with first and seond editions?

As much as I'd like to pay $130 for it on amazon (used I might add) I'm unable to as I'm on a disability pension. Has to laugh that 6 people are asking $130 plus for it, of course it sounds like such a helpful book (maybe thats why) lol, you should get royalities on there used sales Anthony lol. When are you planning on finishing the second book, any time frame or just going with the flow? All the best with it anyhow Anthony. 🙂


Hugs



Princess _Fiona
 
Joined in 2011
December 15, 2011, 18:29

Hi Mother Hen


You are most welcome, my words come straight from my heart. Its a shame that you haven't been loved, valued and encouraged for who you are before by the church. You have a true nurturing spirit, Mr Summit is a fortunate man to have such an amazing mum (I love my mum, who is in Brisbane by the way), lucky for us Mr Summit told you of this site. 🙂 Your words are like food for the soul, as I'm a picture person theres what your words are like; A yummy home cooked Christmas meal with all the trimmings (without it going to my hips, hehehe).


I loved the picture it's so cute, it put a smile on my face and I needed that. Am doing good spiritually, still looking for answers and growing closer to God. Just had a difficult day today healthwise, was in tears it was so bad, so thank you for the smiles, your a blessing. I'm a teddy bear fan, I collect different bears, has a book shelf full of them, instead of books lol.


Have a great night and fantastic rest of the week.




davidt
 
Joined in 2009
December 17, 2011, 11:05

Mr Summit is an amazing guy too.



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
December 17, 2011, 13:17

He certainly is.


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