So I visited my friend’s place to check it out. The place is perfect. Really close to work. And he is a guy I could live with.

As I said earlier, I couldn’t move in with my friend without telling him I am gay. So I told him. As I expected he was quite understanding. Yay! He just doesn’t want me bringing guys home for overnight stays on a regular basis which is fine by me.

So unless anything comes up I will be moving out of home around the end of November.

The parents issue is a difficult one for me.

They’re the type of people who will come home from shopping and can’t resist complaining about the gay person who served them at the checkout. Or they wont watch a TV program if it features a gay couple (and complain every time an ad comes on). Or will react very negatively if they see a news story about homosexual issues. Actually, some of the stuff they have said isn’t repeatable. It happens every other day.

But they don’t know how that stuff hurts me because they don’t know that I am gay. And with the exception of their intolerant view towards homosexuals they are great people. They have been great parents. I have a pretty good relationship with them (built on a lie maybe, I don’t know).

I want to tell them. I guess I am just wondering if their love towards me will balance out their hatred of homosexuals.

I am aware that as more people know that I am gay, it eventually reaches a point where the cat is out of the bag. I do love my parents and I don’t want them to feel like they are the last people to know. But do I owe them this? Not sure.

I will think about this some more.

i think it is important to consider as more people know who you are……..people dont keep secrets. Every person who knows increases the risk of your parents hearing something. So I guess the question is…..would you prefer your parents to hear via the grapevine (with its additional twists) or for you to tell them the truth…….and it is in your control and not the hands of someone else.

In your letter to them I would mention who worried you have been about sharing with them because of the comments your hear regularly at home and how that hurts. Every time they have said something derogatory about gay people they have been speaking about you. That hurts.

i think it is important to consider as more people know who you are……..people dont keep secrets. Every person who knows increases the risk of your parents hearing something. So I guess the question is…..would you prefer your parents to hear via the grapevine (with its additional twists) or for you to tell them the truth…….and it is in your control and not the hands of someone else.

Yeah, this is something that I think about and it is what I mean when I say, “I am aware that as more people know that I am gay, it eventually reaches a point where the cat is out of the bag.”

My parents don’t really have much contact with my friends, but still – the risk is there. For the most part I have been pretty fortunate that people have kept their mouths shut (some for 4 years now). There has been very few “leaks”. I have been blessed with good, straight friends.

I’m mathematically inclined, so I guess I see the risk of my secret getting out as the square of the number of people I tell.

In your letter to them I would mention who worried you have been about sharing with them because of the comments your hear regularly at home and how that hurts. Every time they have said something derogatory about gay people they have been speaking about you. That hurts.

This is a message they have to hear (and it is a message that many people need to hear, on behalf of closeted people everywhere), but I’m curious about your reasoning on why to put it in my coming out letter. When they read that, I don’t want the main thing they feel to be guilt.

I’m not up to letter writing yet, but I am wondering how much information I should put in it. I could write a lot of stuff about what it has been like growing up gay in church, how I have reconciled my faith with my sexuality, etc. It’s be a lot to take on at once. Given the shock they’ll experience and their false beliefs about gay people, how much information are they really going to be able to absorb in one sitting?

Do you have any guidelines here on what to say in a coming out letter? So I know for when it comes time to write it.

I reckon that writing the letter asap should now become a priority. …..for two reasons……firstly it will help you get things clear about what your really want to say and the actual content……..and just on the off chance that you are outed by someone else you can hand over the letter for them to read alone……instead of getting caught up in an emotional moment.

The tone is just as if not more important than the content.

its about giving them the power to rise to the occasion being good parents and christians.

Ok, you have convinced me. I will start working on the letter.

I had chat over the phone today with the friend that I am moving in with. He had gotten over the shock and naturally had a few questions. One of the things he said really stood out.

He said that being against gay marriage had always been a really fundamental part of his beliefs, but he also said he has a huge level of respect for me in regards to the way I practice my faith and form my beliefs. The fact that I can reconcile being gay and Christian has him floored. He just doesn’t know what to believe on the topic anymore. And we haven’t even been through any scriptures/arguments.

I thought that was a really nice compliment. But it also made me think about what avb said in regards to how people move through the spectrum as they come to know LGBT people.