Hi Mr Summit

Fair enough. I can see why you’re linking the 2 and good that you’re planning a gap between events.

It’s true what you say about feelings. Our deepest urges, feelings and needs are usually not based on the everyday logic we work with on a conscious level but make sense deeper down.. Stories, the arts, movies etc have a way of connecting us in with those – and sometimes when we least expect it. The fact that you’re aware that you’ve pushed your feelings to the side is good. As you say, they might have built up to the point when you couldn’t hold them in any longer, hence the sobbing. When we suppress or deny emotions, they tend to find a way to be expressed. They need a chance to be heard and acknowledged and I’m sure you’ll make the time for that when you’re ready.

I’m sorry to hear your brother is homophobic too but it’s great that you have a lot of good friends.

Have you thought more about writing a letter to your parents?

Blessings,

Ann Maree

we are with you Mr Summit……if you handle the letter well…..you will greatly reduce the potential for loss of your family. I”ve seen it many times.

Grief and trauma are common themes for people like us from faith backgrounds…….it often goes unacknowledged till something like the DVD triggers it…..hence the intense emotional response.

I saw a movie a couple of years ago called save me…..about a guy in in ex-gay live in program……just like the one i was in the early 70’s you’ve probably read about. At the end of the movie…….I was sobbing my heart out……..get that……30 years after the event it can still impact you deeply emotionally…….and I considered myself a resolved person.

So I was sick this week, and thus had some time off work. This gave me time to finish A Life of Unlearning. To be honest, I think the biggest thing I learnt from the book was what not to do! It’s a really interesting story. I’ve been to a few Youth Alive rallies so I thought it was pretty cool that one of the people behind it all is gay. (Actually, my first CD was a Youth Alive one because my parents didn’t want me getting into “bad” music. Lol)

I’ve been working on that letter to my parents. On pen and paper at this stage. It is taking me a bit of time to write.

This weekend is turning into a pretty cool one for me. Last night I went out clubing, which I do every now and then by myself. I’m very much a “new gay” but I am making friends and it is nice to have people just assume I am gay rather than straight.

However, I do feel like being a Christian makes me stick out like a sore thumb. Its especially awkward getting hit on pretty often and telling people I’m not looking / cruising / interested / whatever. It seems like people just assume I am cool with meeting a stranger and having sex with them an hour later. Growing up in pretty conservative environments this is a little confronting for me. I can’t say I don’t enjoy the attention though (It’s better than the opposite problem). 😉

Some people from gaychristian.net (where I lurk) are organizing a meet in Brisbane tomorrow. So I will finally meet a few Gay Christian people in the flesh. Yes! I’m looking forward to that.

So yeah. Not much to report except that I am slowly finding where I fit in.

This thread is a nice way of forcing me to write stuff down. There was one year of my life when I kept a really good journal. It was a couple of years ago when I battled depression and told some of my close friends I was gay and started trying to change myself. It was an interesting year and thus an interesting read. After that year I started a blog (which is at http://www.armyofpriests.com , btw) and didn’t journal much anymore. In a couple of years I think it will be nice having this thread here to read.

Hopefully by the time you guys are starting the Brisbane chapter I will be free to help out somehow. 🙂

I met up with the guys from GCN yesterday and we hung out for much of the afternoon. There was 6 of us all up. It was really nice to be amongst a group of people where I could be both Christian and Gay and they could relate to all of it. The biggest surprise was that one of the guys was actually someone I had met at an engagement party only a few months earlier.

It feels sooooo good to meet other people like me. 🙂

Then just an hour ago I was chatting with my parents and they said my ex-aunt had gotten back in touch with them. She had divorced my uncle when I was pretty young. What I didn’t know at the time, and what my parents just filled me in on, was that she had left my uncle for another woman.

Holy Crap!

She was Christian back then. I don’t know if she still is. But I am now wondering how I can get in contact with her. She contacted my parents because her daughter (my cousin) is moving up to the Gold Coast and as a result she might be up here every now and then.

It’s crazy that I have learnt of two gay Christians in two days who have been so close to me.