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How I have come to accept myself (and the journey just begins)

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Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 26, 2010, 09:16

Hi Mr Summit


Wow! That’s beautiful. What a great friend.


This is a powerful illustration of how a personal and positive encounter with someone in the LGBT community can make another change their misconceptions. It’s also true that it can take time for people to adjust and change their attitudes and beliefs just as it takes time for us to reconcile our own position re sexuality and faith. In your friend’s case however, the process of change seems to be quickened.


His response is a nice compliment to both of you and the kinds of people you are. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
October 27, 2010, 20:57

I just ordered A Life of Unlearning on Amazon :bigsmile:



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
November 6, 2010, 16:48


1) Write something up explaining my change in attitude about homosexuality. In the OP I explained how I have told a few friends over the years. At the time I told them I hated being gay so they’ve been naturally surprised by how I have changed my mind. I owe them an explanation of my reasoning. They supported me when I was struggling with same sex attraction, I would also like them to support me as an out and proud gay Christian.


I’ve done this, and sent it out to my friends who were interested. I wanted to do something in my own words, and it turned into 25 pages of my own words! I guess I am feeling pretty confident about my views on homosexuality and the bible. :p Once I am out, I will post it on my blog so that people who are interested can read and understand where I am coming from, even if they don’t agree.


So now I am starting work on the letter to my parents. Which will be considerably shorter (less than 3 pages), but a whole heap harder to write. I’ll post a draft of it up in a few days, I guess.


Time for me to start measuring furniture, to figure out how it is all going to fit into the place where I am moving. My new roommate, who I told a couple of weeks ago (a few comments above), has been really good about the whole thing. Which feels great. 🙂



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 7, 2010, 10:11

Hey Mr Summit


Good for you! Sounds like things are really moving in a positive direction for you. That’s exciting!


I look forward to hearing how the rest will unfold.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
November 10, 2010, 21:04

A life of unlearning arrived today. It’s thicker than I thought. I’ll have to find time to read it somehow. :p


Tonight is the last time that I’ll be having dinner with the family before I move out.


One of the guys I sent that previously mentioned essay to replied with an email containing this:


I read through the essay that you sent through. I must say that I am impressed with your candour and reasoning throughout the whole document. It is well written, thoughtful and most importantly, based completely in the Bible. Most of my concerns with homosexuality now are health related and prejudice related. I am a very conservative guy and it will take me some time to fully come to a point where I do not feel somewhat disgusted by the concept. However, that’s my problem to deal with, not yours.


That’s pretty encouraging. It took me months before I was ready to accept that being gay wasn’t a sin. And my friend (a pretty conservative guy) just gets the results handed to him on a silver platter. I am almost jealous.


So life is going pretty good. I feel like I should be feeling anxious. But I guess I just know what the plan is and I just keep taking one step at a time… at least till life throws in a curve ball.



iplantolive
 
Joined in 2008
November 10, 2010, 21:19

That’s great news Mr Summit.


It sounds as though you’re more comfortable with being gay now. I think the new environment will definately help you in your reconciliation journey. Your friend’s reponse is positive and as you say, he will process this information in his own time, and hopefully move along the continuum towards acceptance and affirmation.


Hope all works out well for you.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 10, 2010, 21:50

Hi Mr Summit


Yeah ditto to what Pierre said.


Your friend sounds like an extremely reasonable person, and someone who follows objective processes for the sake of fairness. That’s very commendable. 🙂


All the best with everything. It all sounds very positive indeed.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
November 14, 2010, 19:27

Hey guys.


I am pretty floored right now. Will get to that.


I’ve read about the first 7 chapters of A Life of Unlearning. All I can say is that I am so happy to be living in a different time, that I do not have to face the same kind of discrimination as AVB did. I feel a great appreciation for the LGBT people who have gone before me. I’m proud of the heritage.


I’m going to be moving a week latter than I had planned. My parents are overseas this week and my mum was a bit sentimental that I wouldn’t be home when I got back (not being able to give me a proper send off). It kind of hit her all of a sudden. So I’ve postponed it a week.


Part of me is a bit sad about the situation. Everyone I have talked to believes it is a great thing for me to be moving out. Even those who do not know I am gay. For the independence reasons, the work/life style reasons and everything else. So I would still do it even if I wasn’t gay. But knowing that I am gay, and that is one of several reasons for me to move out, makes me feel a bit like I am running away. I know the decision is right.


The DVD, For the Bible Tells me So, arrived at the same time as the book. Since I am home alone, I watched it this afternoon. So much of that movie is about the relationship between parents and their gay children. There is a scene near the end where a mother reads a letter outside the Focus on the Family head quarters before they get arrested for trespassing. I couldn’t get through the scene. For 20 minutes I was sobbing like a baby. Then I go to the kitchen to get a drink and try and compose myself and I broke down in there too. I think the neighbours might have heard me. I’m 23 and I don’t cry like that. Heck, I’m usually the one being strong for other people when they need it.


I’m so afraid that I am going to lose my family. I love them a lot. I don’t want to lose them. I guess I am a little upset.


Anyway, I am going to be late for church once I finish this strong cup of tea to clear the headache. When people ask how I am going I’m going to have to lie but people don’t usually want a real answer to that question anyway.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
November 14, 2010, 21:54

Hi Mr Summit


Moving out is a major event/stressor and it’s normal to be emotional about it, especially as you care so much for your family. However it’s not like you’re never going to see them again. It sounds like you’re mixing the 2 events of relocating and coming out together. My advice would be to slow down. One step at a time. Moving house requires time to adjust before adding yet another layer like coming out. And people usually cope better by adjusting to one change at a time, especially with such major things. Remember: you don’t have do everything all at once.


What makes you think you’re going to lose your family? I know you said a while ago that your parents make homophobic comments. Do you have siblings or other family members who might be more accepting that you could tell first? And what do you think is the worst thing that could happen when you do eventually come out to your parents?


I found ‘For the Bible Tells Me So’ very supportive and helpful as well as informative about scripture. Is that something you could envisage your parents watching down the track in combo with a letter from you? Or would it not be their thing?


Thinking of you.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
November 14, 2010, 23:51

At this stage, I’m not planing to come out till January. So there is a chronological gap. But I guess I see moving out as a precursor to coming out, so they are kind of linked in my mind.


Feelings are illogical, and I’m not introspective enough to understand why the DVD affected me the way it did. I guess I’ve just pushed my feelings to the side over the last few months and they’ve finally caught up. It’s unusual for me though. Maybe I’ll understand more later.


I have a younger brother who got married and moved out when he was 20. He’s even worse than my parents. I’m not in contact with any of my extended family. I have a lot of good friends though.


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