Hi Sarab…

I'm with the others… I reckon your letter shows respect to your friend and to you… if I was your friend, in her place and understanding, and received such a letter I would probably be sad about the direction you are heading, but valued in the friendship, and reassured that you want to keep in touch with me…

Remember, it may take her a while to process some of these things… and also I'm with you.. that if she feels stymied that she will tell you… I wonder whether she will be able to come to you with open inquiry after a while to hear you explain how you understand the Scripture passages… so it can be a time of learning for her…

Well done and hugs

ammi

Thanks Princess Fiona – and I am sorry you are not feeling so well this week.

I appreciate your encouragement and that of everyone else – thanks Ammi, Mother Hen and Ann Maree too 🙂

I agree – it feels like I have come a long way since I first posted just back in October. So much has happened in my mind, my emotions, I have made some practical steps too. Although it feels fast – I guess I have been sifting through this stuff for many many years. I still can't quite fathom why now? Why 2011? Why not sooner? Why not later? I had always thought I was pretty self aware and pretty "together" ( ha ha) 🙂 but I still can't quite figure myself out on this score.

I posted my letter today and my heart flip flopped a bit as I popped it in the letter box – a little anxious about my friend's response and about upsetting her. Another milestone also in "putting it out there".

Princess Fiona – I will pray you feel better tonight – take care – my thoughts are with you.

I have also just ordered a copy of the book forestgrey mentioned on the discussion forum – "Being gay being Christian" – a bit of holiday reading – might not read that in front of the family!! Now that'd really give them something to think about!! 🙂 🙂

Sarab

Hi all,

Just thought I would give a little update as to what's been going on for me.

Things have settled in my mind. Whereas a few weeks ago – the issue of coming to terms with my sexuality, sifting this through alongside faith – all of this was all consuming in my mind.

This is not so much the case now. Life gets on as usual – work to do, shopping, cooking, etc – and somehow integrated into this is a quiet awareness that there could be a partner for me in the future that is a woman. Admittedly, there is self doubt that creeps in about my capacity to meet this elusive person. This is a bit multi layered – ranging from the practical – I move in conservative and very straight circles (if there is such a thing as a straight circle!! 🙂 ) through to the more deep seated – my tendency toward being self contained, self reliant, able to do things "on my own" – I have years of supression to deal with and old habbits die hard. It may be that these are things yet to sort through with a counsellor.

For the most part though – things are travelling along OK. What felt momentous and emotionally overpowering is actually feeling OK. I share this as an encouragement to people reading this (like Syph) that things can settle into a "new kind of new".

I have shared what's been going on with two very long standing friends – one of them a Christian said she would have to get her head around the "faith thing" – but said she actually wasn't overly surprised – as she said my deepest connections have always been with women. The other, equally was very supportive too.

I have not yet heard back from my friend to whom I sent the letter… I will hopefully catch up with her soon… awkward as that may be.

I have for the moment decided against talking with family. No need at this point… and in fact I think the "coming out" to others part for the moment is just quietly done with – until such time as I have a need to do other. I think I have shared all I need to for the moment with those I need to.

My goal for now is to try to find some way of getting back to reading the Bible – and to figure out what faith looks like though this new lens… I have been taking very small steps in this regard.

I still continue to check into this site to see how others are travelling – I appreciate these stories and the encouragement from many of you has provided some sort of cushioning for me over the last few months. Such a testament as I have said before to the way in which community and shared stories can support, heal and encourage.

Oh – and I am still attending the new church – very lovely – an eclectic group of people – quite different from the conservative Evangelical churches I am used to – but has indeed been a "soft place to land". I should also mention I am reading the book "Being Gay being Christian – you can be both" – I have jumped about in the order of reading it – but I am keenly reading the chapter on the Evangelical Church approach to homosexuality – Syph – it may help you too 🙂

I am looking forward to where 2012 might take me – yet keeping this in check with a good dose of reality that a change in circumstances takes action, effort and time.

Cheers 🙂

Sarab xx

Hi Sarab,

That's wonderful news about sharing your situation with your close friends, wonderful they were supportive of you. You are cruising along really well. No need to rush into anything, you will know when the time is right for your next move. And who knows one day you might just be surprised with someone special in your life. I've learnt the best thing is to not have too many expectations. Just let things happen.

Maybe once you have finished that book you could write a review on it, I'm sure other's would appreciate some feedback back on the book.

Take care.

Thanks Mother Hen and Ann Maree

Once I finish the book I will try to put some words together about it for the forum. I am sure there will be others who can deal with some of the meatier theological aspects a little better than I will be able to though.

I liked what both of you had to say about not rushing things, not placing expectations on others and I agree Ann Maree – I need to work on completing myself – no other person could or should do that. I agree too – that it will be helpful to more generally relax my expectations. I have been so driven in the last few months to sort out my emotional and spiritual self that I guess it's time to just slow down a bit. My best friend reminded me that life is now very different for me than it was just a few months back. She said that I had made so many emotional and practical changes that I needen't be so concerned now about "the next step". She said "Things are different… you have been very proactive…you have made changes which will only be good… nothing more to do at this point…"

So yes… that's what I hope to do… just relax a bit….

Thanks to both of you for your feedback and encouragement.

Kind Regards,

Sarab 🙂