Good on you sarab! 🙂 It sounds like a group I went to many years ago. For me too it was a big step and I only needed to attend a couple of times.

Have a great day! 🙂

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Thanks so much Mother Hen for your lovely words and encouragement – I really appreciate your input. It's been a blessing to have many of the f2be community encouraging me over the last year. Thanks Mother Hen for praying for me.

This week I also took another brave step – and visited a group called "Open House" – a group of lesbian women who meet weekly for a discussion group and then head to the nearby pub for a drink. Sydney women may be interested in this http://sydneyopenhouse.freeservers.com/ or may be interested in the womens coming out group that I visited 2 weeks ago – http://www.glcsnsw.org.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=50&Itemid=207

At this week's discussion group about thirty women met together and each woman has the chance to firstly share their highs and lows of the last week. A topic is introduced by a facilitator and then every woman has the chance to say something about the topic. This discussion lasted about an hour or so – then off to the pub for a drink. I was able to speak reasonably candidly with some about my story – and received acceptance and encouragement.

If you'd asked me a year ago if I'd be doing this, I couldn't have imagined it. However – I think I am beginning to "own" my sexuality. I feel a lot more comfortable about the intersection of faith and sexuality – yet still need to find a new language to better articulate my understandings.

There are still many things to work through – yet I guess I feel pleased that I continue to take affirmative steps. I feel that my circle is broadening and new opportunities arising. Let's hope the right partner is somewhere amidst this mix! 🙂 I even came out to a close work colleague this week 🙂

Many thanks to many of you f2bers current and past contributors who have all played a part in walking with me.

Sarab x

Thanks Princess Fiona for your encouragement. It's really lovely to have you in my corner!

I went again last night to the women's open house group. A much smaller group last night met – only about 15 women and the topic was "What advice might you give your 16 year old self?" – hmmm interesting. (Let me know Princess Fi if you plan on coming along in the future… I'll look out for you 🙂 )

Once again we met at the pub afterwards and on reflection I can say that I felt pretty comfortable being with these women. As I drove home I was thinking there's a part of me that has to remind myself that I am not actually "out" to most people – as identifying as gay in my own mind is far less a big deal than it was a year ago.

I am working through some theological issues at the moment – as I think as part of the whole process of coming out to myself I have thrown a whole lot of previous understandings up in the air and so now a whole lot is up for re examining. I am also trying to piece together my newer understandings about the intersection of faith and sexuality into some sort of coherent language – ready to deal with any evangelical zealots I encounter 🙂 🙂

My poor old brain – I sometimes wish I could pop it in a little suitcase for a rest and open it again when I'm good and ready.

I am off to my second vist to the women's coming out group tomorrow night – the topic is "labels… are they important?" I am not quite sure this group is for me – (younger women mainly) but I thought I'd give it one more go and I like the sound of this topic.

Anyway, that's my current update …

Sarab 🙂

One year on – it gets better!

Hi all – one year ago today I logged onto the f2b site.

It seemed such a big step – to openly share things in a public forum (albeit not with my own name) that seemed so private and deeply painful.

It was a year ago that I began to allow myself to even contemplate the notion that I might be gay.

It was a year ago that I tentatively shared my confusion with someone in my then church.

It was not long after that I decided I needed to try a different church – to be with people who affirmed rather than judged.

Well a lot has happened in that year – and although I have a way to go – I am pleased to say to all those who stumble upon this site "It can get better."

Over the last year I have…

– had counselling to work through issues around sexuality, intimacy, vulnerability, coming out, etc

– poured my heart out on f2b – sought and received feedback on matters spiritual, biblical and personal (thanks all)

– found a church where I could "just be" – no judgment – lots of love and a beautiful community

– talked to a gay minister about things spiritual, biblical, personal

– went to see The Cure documentary – painful yet hopeful…

– sought out a women's coming out group and have been three times

– sought out a discussion group for lesbian women – have been three times – and had drinks afterwards with a diverse group of women.

– have come out to my oldest and dearest friends and received support and love

– came out to another dear friend (a Christian) and received a book on how not to be gay anymore… hmmm still care for her – but proceed with caution…

– came out to a work colleague – and received a big hug

– came out to another lesbian friend – who said: "About time! I wondered when you'd figure that out!" 🙂 🙂

– read Matt Glover's beautiful article early on in the piece – which gave me hope that Christianity and sexuality could indeed be reconciled

– have read bits of 'Being Gay Being Christian' – also affirming

– have read books which point to a more loving, less judgmental God.

– have begun meeting and discovering a more loving, less judgmental God

– have written in a journal – very helpful

– have received ongoing encouragement from emailing fb2ers (you know who you are!)

– have received ongoing love and support from my best friend

– have shed quite a lot of tears – had some very difficult and painful moments early on when I thought that allowing myself to entertain the thought of being gay was going to see my world come to an end…. it hasn't by the way!

and so… one year on… still a way to go… but I can reliably report – that with the right supports, some affirmative action, some bravery and courage… it can and does get better.

Hopefully in a year's time – there may be some lovely partner on the scene!! 🙂

Much love to all you f2bers, seekers, and fellow travellers.

sarab xxxxx

Wow Sarab, 1 year gone – can't believe it's been that long. You are amazing, you are a wonderful testimony to many others on this forum and others who are yet to come. You give others hope, that things will also be better for them.

You have accomplished so much in 1 year. I keep saying that to you. I know you feel you have a way to go but hopefully writing down all you have accomplished so far shows just how far you have come 🙂

You have shown incredible courage, grace and humility. We have had the privilege of seeing you grow and your beautiful spirit and nature. I am in awe of all you have accomplished. Well done. I'm so proud of you and so honoured that I have been able to share some of your journey with you.

Yeah that would be so awesome to hear you had found someone special in your life and that will come. 🙂 And when it does we will all celebrate with you.