not out still confused 47

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Joined in 2011
August 23, 2012, 23:50

Thanks Ammi for your encouragement. I have to say a big Yay for me tonight!!

I went to the women's coming out group. Wasn't sure I'd get there as traffic was well and truly against me – however despite almost giving up and being a half hour late – I went along. (Ann Maree – as I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic I had a little smile as I was saying "This moment is f*#@*!g well perfect!!!" 🙂 )

It was an interesting night. Still processing what i thought of it – I am not 100% sure if I'd go back as it seems the women there are younger than I and I think the facilitators therefore pitch things at a younger (maybe a bit more immature) age group, however I managed to share bits of my own story with confidence and I think if anything it was just good to feel that I was taking another affirmative step in the right direction.

I was able to collect some magazines and literature pitched at the GLTBIQ community so that was good too –

Thanks to those who prayed for me and sent positive energy xxx

Sarab x

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
August 24, 2012, 07:48

Good on you sarab! 🙂 It sounds like a group I went to many years ago. For me too it was a big step and I only needed to attend a couple of times.

Have a great day! 🙂


Ann Maree

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
September 5, 2012, 11:14

Hi Sarab,

Just want you to know I wasn't able to reply at the time but I did manage to read your updated post and request for pray at the meeting you were going to and have since gone to. Just letting you know I was praying for you, so pleased you persisted despite some heavy traffic. Whether you go back or not I still think it was another step in the process for you. I think you are amazing, I know you feel you still have a way to go but you have come so far. You are strong and courageous, I think you could do anything you set your mind to do 🙂

Keep moving forward you beautiful lady 🙂

Joined in 2011
September 6, 2012, 22:24

Thanks so much Mother Hen for your lovely words and encouragement – I really appreciate your input. It's been a blessing to have many of the f2be community encouraging me over the last year. Thanks Mother Hen for praying for me.

This week I also took another brave step – and visited a group called "Open House" – a group of lesbian women who meet weekly for a discussion group and then head to the nearby pub for a drink. Sydney women may be interested in this or may be interested in the womens coming out group that I visited 2 weeks ago –

At this week's discussion group about thirty women met together and each woman has the chance to firstly share their highs and lows of the last week. A topic is introduced by a facilitator and then every woman has the chance to say something about the topic. This discussion lasted about an hour or so – then off to the pub for a drink. I was able to speak reasonably candidly with some about my story – and received acceptance and encouragement.

If you'd asked me a year ago if I'd be doing this, I couldn't have imagined it. However – I think I am beginning to "own" my sexuality. I feel a lot more comfortable about the intersection of faith and sexuality – yet still need to find a new language to better articulate my understandings.

There are still many things to work through – yet I guess I feel pleased that I continue to take affirmative steps. I feel that my circle is broadening and new opportunities arising. Let's hope the right partner is somewhere amidst this mix! 🙂 I even came out to a close work colleague this week 🙂

Many thanks to many of you f2bers current and past contributors who have all played a part in walking with me.

Sarab x

Princess _Fiona
Joined in 2011
September 11, 2012, 08:28

Hi Sarab

Just caught up with reading your postings, I always enjoying reading how your going and once again thank you for sharing your journey with us. Congrats for getting out there and trying different groups. Sounds like you might of found a group that suits you well. A discussion group and then social part afterwards sounds great. Thanks for posting the links, would be great for me to attend one when things improve with health (have saved link).

Hope your having a great week and all the best with making new friends and who knows what the future has for you….just might be a wonderful woman in amongst those ladies who will become special to you. 🙂

Hugs and well wishes

Joined in 2011
September 12, 2012, 20:30

Thanks Princess Fiona for your encouragement. It's really lovely to have you in my corner!

I went again last night to the women's open house group. A much smaller group last night met – only about 15 women and the topic was "What advice might you give your 16 year old self?" – hmmm interesting. (Let me know Princess Fi if you plan on coming along in the future… I'll look out for you 🙂 )

Once again we met at the pub afterwards and on reflection I can say that I felt pretty comfortable being with these women. As I drove home I was thinking there's a part of me that has to remind myself that I am not actually "out" to most people – as identifying as gay in my own mind is far less a big deal than it was a year ago.

I am working through some theological issues at the moment – as I think as part of the whole process of coming out to myself I have thrown a whole lot of previous understandings up in the air and so now a whole lot is up for re examining. I am also trying to piece together my newer understandings about the intersection of faith and sexuality into some sort of coherent language – ready to deal with any evangelical zealots I encounter 🙂 🙂

My poor old brain – I sometimes wish I could pop it in a little suitcase for a rest and open it again when I'm good and ready.

I am off to my second vist to the women's coming out group tomorrow night – the topic is "labels… are they important?" I am not quite sure this group is for me – (younger women mainly) but I thought I'd give it one more go and I like the sound of this topic.

Anyway, that's my current update …

Sarab 🙂

Joined in 2011
September 13, 2012, 18:25

Hi Sarab… your courage and the steps you are taking continue to inspire me. So glad that the open house group was such a good experience – wishing you well as you work through the theological and biblical issues for your own sake and for some peace in your own faith journey mostly.

You will have things to say to the evangelical zealots – but I will be surprised if many are interested in listening to your new insights – hope for better….. but people are often very afraid to have their presuppositions and interpretations challenged. Go gently with yourself – all you can really share is your experience, and they can't argue with that – even if they don't like it.

There is an Open House group here in Melbourne as well – but unfortunately far from me — and a Coming Out group will be meeting for 6 weeks in term 4, also far from me – but I am thinking I may still attend, as it will be Daylight savings then so that will help me with the travel and finding the place – have to sort out the finances too.

Wishing you ongoing courage and integration as you continue on your journey…


Joined in 2011
September 29, 2012, 11:42

One year on – it gets better!

Hi all – one year ago today I logged onto the f2b site.

It seemed such a big step – to openly share things in a public forum (albeit not with my own name) that seemed so private and deeply painful.

It was a year ago that I began to allow myself to even contemplate the notion that I might be gay.

It was a year ago that I tentatively shared my confusion with someone in my then church.

It was not long after that I decided I needed to try a different church – to be with people who affirmed rather than judged.

Well a lot has happened in that year – and although I have a way to go – I am pleased to say to all those who stumble upon this site "It can get better."

Over the last year I have…

– had counselling to work through issues around sexuality, intimacy, vulnerability, coming out, etc

– poured my heart out on f2b – sought and received feedback on matters spiritual, biblical and personal (thanks all)

– found a church where I could "just be" – no judgment – lots of love and a beautiful community

– talked to a gay minister about things spiritual, biblical, personal

– went to see The Cure documentary – painful yet hopeful…

– sought out a women's coming out group and have been three times

– sought out a discussion group for lesbian women – have been three times – and had drinks afterwards with a diverse group of women.

– have come out to my oldest and dearest friends and received support and love

– came out to another dear friend (a Christian) and received a book on how not to be gay anymore… hmmm still care for her – but proceed with caution…

– came out to a work colleague – and received a big hug

– came out to another lesbian friend – who said: "About time! I wondered when you'd figure that out!" 🙂 🙂

– read Matt Glover's beautiful article early on in the piece – which gave me hope that Christianity and sexuality could indeed be reconciled

– have read bits of 'Being Gay Being Christian' – also affirming

– have read books which point to a more loving, less judgmental God.

– have begun meeting and discovering a more loving, less judgmental God

– have written in a journal – very helpful

– have received ongoing encouragement from emailing fb2ers (you know who you are!)

– have received ongoing love and support from my best friend

– have shed quite a lot of tears – had some very difficult and painful moments early on when I thought that allowing myself to entertain the thought of being gay was going to see my world come to an end…. it hasn't by the way!

and so… one year on… still a way to go… but I can reliably report – that with the right supports, some affirmative action, some bravery and courage… it can and does get better.

Hopefully in a year's time – there may be some lovely partner on the scene!! 🙂

Much love to all you f2bers, seekers, and fellow travellers.

sarab xxxxx

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
September 29, 2012, 16:13

Hi Sarab

Wow! What a lot you have accomplished and been through in one year! 🙂 Amazing stuff! I think this is a testimony to the kind of brave person you are, while showing that reconciling sexuality is indeed a journey and that being gay can be a wonderful thing. 🙂

It's great how you've written out all the actions taken by yourself as well as responses from others because that really highlights exactly how much has happened and how much active engagement you've been involved in. I think it's easy to forget the steps taken and yet these are important to celebrate and look at because they show you how you got to this point and can be used to guide you into the next year.

Well done Sarab!

I'm really proud of you! 🙂


Ann Maree

Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
September 29, 2012, 17:46

Wow Sarab, 1 year gone – can't believe it's been that long. You are amazing, you are a wonderful testimony to many others on this forum and others who are yet to come. You give others hope, that things will also be better for them.

You have accomplished so much in 1 year. I keep saying that to you. I know you feel you have a way to go but hopefully writing down all you have accomplished so far shows just how far you have come 🙂

You have shown incredible courage, grace and humility. We have had the privilege of seeing you grow and your beautiful spirit and nature. I am in awe of all you have accomplished. Well done. I'm so proud of you and so honoured that I have been able to share some of your journey with you.

Yeah that would be so awesome to hear you had found someone special in your life and that will come. 🙂 And when it does we will all celebrate with you.

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.213 seconds.