not out still confused 47

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Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
January 3, 2014, 09:50

Thanks Sarab. Great words of wisdom there. 🙂


Ann Maree

Joined in 2011
March 16, 2014, 20:31

Hello all – It has been a while since I checked in to f2be. I have spent some time tonight reading some of the new entries and stories and I have been again encouraged and moved and thought I would take a moment to give a little update of my own. All things continue well with my partner 🙂

She has a new job five minutes from my place – she's a shift worker so now spends four – eight nights out of twelve staying with me – and my cat has now nuzzles her foot – so I think she's well and truly been accepted as part of the furniture! We love learning more about each other – we laugh a lot and cover a lot of ground in our conversations – we love each other and I feel just so enormously blessed and thankful that she has come into my life. For the first time ever I know what it is to be loved & to love someone. My heart aches for those f2bers who feel the same fear and uncertainty I lived with for years. My prayer is that they/you too will know that God made us all in his/her image and that we are well loved the way we are and that God wants us all to have the "freedom to be".

I continue to be more and more open about my relationship with friends and within my workplace. I have moved to the point in my life of living as well and truly "out and proud". I truly can no longer relate to the fearful me that first logged on to this website. So much change in a relatively short period of time. 🙂

Still some challenges every now and then about coming out. As a manager with around 20 staff, there are some I know will struggle with knowing they have a boss who is "a lesbian" – "the conservative catholic", the "north shore house wife", "The reserved family oriented mum" – yep they will all have a bit of a problem with my sexuality… but hopefully by knowing me, and as I lead by example, they may even come to reconsider their preconceived notions about "gay people".

I have some challenges now with juggling spending time with elderly parents – now that I'm spending more time with my partner – my mum has laid a few guilt trips on me – and that's a bit challenging, yet I know how to put it in a context, if that makes sense.

I have taken up a position as president of the church council – so that's been an interesting thing – involved and connected with my church community – very grateful for this too.

So I think that's me for now. Happy, thankful, amazed, – hoping to somehow utilise my experiences to help others at some stage.

A warm hello to Mother Hen, Ann Maree, Ammi, Princess Fiona, Jordan, Brunski and others I have connected with in the past xxxx


Joined in 2011
March 17, 2014, 09:36

Hi Sarab… I am so pleased for you as I read your entry… so pleased for the love you have found and the richness this is bringing to your life.

So many changes – your loving partner, whom your cat loves too.

Your extending role in your church

Your 'outness' in many contexts and the challenges that will bring sometimes…

And the relationship with your ageing parents…

I wish you well with it all – and great courage, joy and strength and good health.

Bless you


Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
March 17, 2014, 09:58

Wow you are amazing my friend. I am so thrilled everything is going so well for you, so happy you have found love, it's an awesome beautiful thing.

As you know in church they get people up to give their testimony of how Christ has changed their life. Well my beautiful girl you are a wonderful testimony to this great community. The journey you have been on brings hope and promise, you are an example from that uncertain person who first came onto this forum to this amazing full of life, loved, support "Out n Proud" beautiful person you are now. For people who don't think there is hope, that they won't accept themselves or be accepted by others, who don't ever think they will ever reconcile their faith, wont ever be happy in a church again, let alone be involved in ministry, won't ever find love or be accepted by their friends and family. You are a wonderful testament that all that and more is possible.

Keep moving forward and keep up dating and encouraging other's on this forum.

Love and hugs to you

Princess _Fiona
Joined in 2011
March 22, 2014, 15:29

Hi Sarab

Read your update and it made me cry. You've come so far and life sounds like its finally going great with you without all the turmoil. congratulations, just beautiful and inspiring to read.

Love and hugs


Joined in 2011
May 18, 2014, 21:55

Hey thanks Fiona – and thanks to all who have supported me over the last few years. All going well for me – My partner and I have been having the big "moving in together" conversation over recent weeks – so that's yet to be the next Sarab instalment!

I love my partner and she loves me – we are very content – lead a pretty quiet peaceful time together. There are indeed a few challenges and compromises – but we keep talking and sharing and so far it's really an amazing blessing.

I have decided to participate in a project about women who come out later on in life. It's a little daunting but I have always had a sense that somewhere along the line I would hope that my story might serve to help others who were going through something similar. And so, I am to be interviewed and filmed for a documentary – filming to take place this week – yikes!

There are still some people in my life I am not "out to" – and it's just a bit of a clunky awkward elephant in the room – sigh.

But slowly but surely I continue to disclose, to come out, all the while resenting hugely that it needs to be an issue at all.

So that's me – oh and my cat chose my girlfriend's lap over mine the other night – so I think the moving in discussion is indeed right on target! The cat knows 🙂

Much love and of course everlasting gratitude to my freedom 2 b community.

Sarab x

Joined in 2011
May 19, 2014, 08:12

That's so great Sarab. You certainly inspire me!

I believe now that so much more is possibe in my own life by going through the tough bits & finding fruit out the other side. So I rejoice with you!


Mother Hen
Joined in 2011
May 19, 2014, 10:23

See see I told you, you were an inspiration and testament to other's 🙂 Well done, I'm sure, no, I know you will do really well and inspire all who watch the documentary. You will have to post when it is going to air so we can watch it too 🙂

It's so wonderful to hear the updates in your own life. So exciting and scary to be thinking of moving in with someone for the first time.


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
May 22, 2014, 18:56

Hi Sarab

It's great to hear your news. 🙂 Congratulations on the joy you have found with your partner and new life. You have worked hard to reach this point and I am so pleased for you. 🙂

And you are participating in a doco – that's fantastic! Let us know how it goes.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2011
September 24, 2015, 23:31

Hello lovely f2be community,

It has been a long time since I have updated. My life has changed enormously since I first logged on almost four years ago.

During that time I have moved from living a life alone with no acknowledgement of myself as having capacity for an intimate relationship – let alone with a woman – to now being completely out – at work – home – church – everywhere and to living a happy content life with my partner of (almost) two years. Life is good 🙂

This Sunday I will be sharing my personal story of faith and of coming out at church. Who would have thought this when I tentatively logged on to f2be four years ago?

I had the privilege and great blessing to share at the uniting women's conference last year – quite something to speak to a huge conference auditorium. And now – a different milestone to share among my own small intimate church community. It feels like the right thing to do – as I have been so powerfully and deeply helped along the way by the stories of others. I hope that in some way I can give back in a similar way. It also helps me to continue to reframe and own my own story – no longer embarrassed or confused – but proud and anchored.

I have shared on the f2be "what's on" thread – but thought I would also issue the invitation here –

If anyone would like to come along this Sunday 27th Sept to Balmain Uniting Church – (Sydney) in Darling Street Balmain (the church is held in the "Casual Monday's" cafe) – you are more than welcome – church starts at 9.30AM. Our minister Nicole is away and I will be leading the service – would love to talk with you should you choose to join us.

Kind regards – Sarab (Felicity)

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