Thanks Bryan and AVB for your insights here. Yes it’s true Bryan that the internal struggles are where it starts. And then it’s easy to project these outward. We teach others how to treat us and so the sooner we resolve those inner conflicts the easier life can be on the outside too.

You really are very mature for 16! And it sounds like you are handling your teenage years better than I handled mine. Nice to hear from you and I look forward to hearing more.

All the best,

Ann Maree

Oh wow, I haven’t updated this in a while. Sorry.

The thing with my dad went decent. Not horrific, but not wonderful either. But we have made some kind of progress I would think.

Anyway, the main reason I came back to this thread is to say that I found out I got accepted to college this week! 😀 So next year, I’ll be in Canada and starting the next chapter of my life. I plan to be a film major and one of my biggest hopes is to create movies that help the GLBT community and Christian community understand each other. Through these movies, I hope to give a human face to both sides of this divide. I’m so excited! 😀 Now all I need to do is pay for it! 😆 I don’t doubt that it will be paid eventually – if God told me to do something, then he can pay for it. It’s just the question of how and when. So I’m not really worried as much as I am curious.

I graduate from high school next May and should be on a plane in June. That means I have six months left in this country. Not sure what I’m going to do, but I certainly don’t want to waste it. Did I mention I’m excited? ^_^ Heh, I don’t know what else I can say anymore beyond that. 🙂

I changed my first post a while back to read 17, but when the new website came it went back to 16 and I don’t know how to change it back. Oh well.

And since I’m here… just want to say life is generally going well. Right now the biggest struggle for me is keeping the faith to go to the college that I want to go to… it is the most expensive private college in Canada, but I truly believe I am supposed to go there. I believe that ultimately I will make it through, but I constantly must build up my faith so that I don’t lose heart on my dreams. Keeping up with school stuff also, hoping to get all A’s again this quarter. 🙂 And also, I’m more and more getting excited about the things of God and I’m excited thinking about how God is working in me and molding me into the man that he wants me to be.

On another note, I’m finding more that my best friend ever (a girl) is having some difficulties understanding her sexuality. Based on what she has been telling me for a while know and also based on observing her, I believe she is either lesbian or bisexual with a preference for females. (I don’t like that word ‘preference’, but I can’t think of any other way to describe it.) Basically a 4-5 on the Kinsey scale. For a while now she has identified as bi, which has been fine with me, but I think she has not fully accepted the fact that her attraction to women is actually much much stronger than her attraction to men. Rather, I think she feels like she is into men more, but also finds women attractive. Based on what she has actually told me, I think it’s reversed. I think she is into women and also likes men, but not as strongly.

Now here’s my concern about this. This is my absolute best friend in the whole world. People know we are best friends. However, people also know that I am gay and if people start thinking she is gay or bi with a same-sex leaning, they will probably think I influenced her to be that way. And in some bizarre way they would be correct, since I am trying to counsel her into accepting and acknowledging these feelings of hers. Obviously, I’m not forcing the feelings onto her, I never suggested she be this way. But she is what she is. The second problem is that people know she has had many difficulties with men. And I think they might think she is now attracted to women because of those difficulties. I don’t believe that theory, but they might… and given her history, it would difficult to disprove if they want to believe that way. But in the end, I’m putting her first and everybody else can think whatever they want. She was the one who really stood by me the most when I had my first serious same-sex crush and she has never faltered in her personal support of me. Now I find it extremely ironic that my best girl friend is probably a lesbian, but heh, doesn’t change anything. If anything it makes me love her more. If it were physically possible, I’d personally bite the head off of anybody who gives her a hard time.

That’s about it for now. If you remember to do so, please pray for me. I’d appreciate the support.

Hey Bryan. What a wonderful stance you have taken.

My prayers are with you.

There is along journey ahead but ever looking to Jesus. He loves you and as he promised will never leave you. I can promise you that. Remember that man looks at the outside but God looks on the heart.

Remember that when every thing seems to be falling around you that underneath are the everlasting wings.Jesus will never fail you.as the psalmest said God knew you before you were born .he knew how you would turn out and he loves you as we all love you.

Stand firm

God bless you 🙂

I’ve finally decided that it’s about time I write a good version of my coming out story. So I’m going to spend some time working on it… I know that during 4th quarter, our Bible class will be involved in talking about different ‘hot topics’ and I know that homosexuality will be one of them. For a long time, I’ve been preparing myself for such a classroom experience, thinking about what kinds of things I’d say. I pretty much know at this point that I would have to out myself in such a situation, but that shouldn’t be too hard, since almost everyone at school already knows, and I’m pretty sure all the upperclassmen know. I mean, I don’t talk about it, but apparently, word gets around anyway. 😛 I don’t mind… I’ve acknowledged the gossip as being a fact of life and one that I’ve learned to view in a positive light. Anyway, my idea then is that I could read my coming out story to them so that they would know my experiences. It’d be a bit difficult though since a few of the key players are in the class, and they aren’t very good to me in the story, so I’d probably tell them a modified version that skips over some of that stuff. Hm. Anyway, just figure that it’d be good to finally start working on this and get my actual story out there. 🙂 Later.