How I have come to accept myself (and the journey just begins)

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

Joined in 2007
October 8, 2010, 11:17

Mr Summit,

Your story is nothing short of inspiring! Thanks so much for sharing it with us here. I am always excited to hear of yet another person who has decided to live life as you have, as an openly gay, God-fearing Christian. :bigsmile:

The more of us who choose this way, the more it will help to change attitudes, I believe.

When I first started to think that way (and it was only recently, really) I thought that it was foolish to even attempt it, but then I recalled where the Bible says that God uses the foolish things to confound the wise.

There are so many ‘wise’ people who believe they know God’s word and His will regarding homosexuals, who really have it all wrong, and if I am going to be a fool, then I pray that my doing so will confound that kind of wisdom.

I read a great blog by a straight Christian man, John Shore who talked in a recent post about an elderly Christian friend of his who confessed that he has never known a homosexual person, but perhaps, if he had known even one as well as John has known many, that perhaps his beliefs would have been confounded earlier.

If you, or anyone else would like to read more of John’s writings, he can be found at

Thanks again for sharing with us!

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
October 8, 2010, 20:56

@avennbrown: I think I was searching for gay affirming churches in Brisbane, actually. Btw, you can get analytics tools that will help tell you think kind of information.

@Ann Maree: Thanks for the link. Looks interesting. And yeah, it does seem foolish (and daunting!).

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
October 9, 2010, 13:26

yep…..we use google analytics……..most people find us these days by googling our name…..which is really good. Means we are becoming well known. Its interesting to find though about how others connect with us.

of course our biggest challenge is how do we let those who need us the most (LGBT people closeted in churches) know about our existence.

Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
October 10, 2010, 19:15

Hi Mr Summit,

Welcome to freedom 2 b[e]!! It’s so great to have you here with us and I hope that this site becomes as much of a support for you as it has been for me. I’m 22 and another young one on here.

You have a powerful story and I can relate to so much of it! I remember trying to become more masculine with the ex-gay stuff. I was told to start going to the gym, playing sport and asking girls out. I don’t regret it either…guess it was an experience. lol :p

It’s so hard to hear about gay Christians that the church rejects. It is very sad indeed as Jesus would welcome LGBT Christians with open arms. I hope you can find your new church home and I pray that you continue to grow from strength to strength in Jesus.

I wouldn’t worry too much now if you feel you don’t have all the answers because it’s a journey and you and God are doing life together. Trust in him and he will guide your way. 🙂

Feel free to add me on facebook (Benjamin Gresham) or twitter and keep in touch.

Praying for you mate,


Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
October 10, 2010, 23:25

@avennbrown, I tried navigating to earlier today and got nowhere. The URL does kind of throw me a bit.

@HillsBen, Thanks for your prayers. Yeah, it is an adventure. I certainty don’t feel like less of a man than straight guys, at least not any more, now that I realize how flawed my understanding of sexuality was.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 11, 2010, 09:03

Hey Mr Summit

It’s without the ‘e’ on the ‘be’ and without the ‘.com’.


Ann Maree

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
October 20, 2010, 23:28

An update:

Later this week I am going over to a friend’s place who I have been talking to about moving in (there is some space opening up towards the end of the year). I used to work with him full time, and the place is really, insanely close to where I currently work so it could pan out pretty well. I feel like leaving home is a prerequisite for me coming out, and even if I wasn’t coming out it feels like time anyway (I am 23 with a pretty successful career).

As part of this I will let my friend know that I am gay. I wouldn’t want to move in with a conservative, Christian, straight guy without him knowing this (it’s just the right thing to do). I am quietly confident he will be ok with this.

Moving out will be a step towards me coming out, hopefully sometime early next year. I am looking forward to it and don’t feel anxious at all (maybe I should). It’s hard to keep being gay a secret, as though I am ashamed of it when I am not. It seems like I am biting my tongue all the time to stop myself from just blurting it out. But everything has a time.

The other day I posted a pro-gay comment on one of Ben’s status updates and then realized that my comments on random people’s statuses get posted on my friend’s feeds, so I wen’t “Oh %[email protected]%” and quickly had to delete it. It makes me wonder if I will make it to next year!

Besides moving out the other things to do before now and coming out:

1) Write something up explaining my change in attitude about homosexuality. In the OP I explained how I have told a few friends over the years. At the time I told them I hated being gay so they’ve been naturally surprised by how I have changed my mind. I owe them an explanation of my reasoning. They supported me when I was struggling with same sex attraction, I would also like them to support me as an out and proud gay Christian.

2) Make sure I have a rock solid faith, and good support in case everything goes wrong. This is why I am searching for gay Christians in Brisbane. And also why number 1 is there, to a degree.

3) Figure out how I tell my parents. I’m tossing up between telling them in person or telling them through a letter. Maybe I give them a letter and let them read it whilst I am there? They are the most homophobic people I know, so this may be interesting.

4) After I tell my parents I will tell the rest of my close friends in person (basically, the people that matter). These are the people who I would rather have hear that I am gay from me rather than from the grape vine.

5) Let loose. A Facebook status update maybe with a link to a blog post explaining my story?? My acquaintances and casual friends can find out that way.

There are a few people who I wont volunteer the information to. There’s one organisation that I join on a Friday night visiting homeless and mentally disabled people and I fear I wouldn’t be able to go out with them if they knew I was gay. What we do is just too important to let something like this get in the way (a sacrifice, I guess). Also, I wouldn’t announce it at work as it shouldn’t make a difference there – I’ll probably just casually drop an unexpected pronoun in conversation or something. Sounds like fun to give someone that awkward moment.

So that is where I think I am heading over the next few months. It shall be interesting.

Joined in 2007
October 21, 2010, 00:12

Hi Mr Summit

It looks like you have got a good strategy planned for your progress towards being out and open about who you are. I pray that it will all go as smoothly as possible for you and that you can find a place where you’re comfortable in your own skin. It’s very freeing.

Please keep us in the loop with how it all goes for you.

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
October 21, 2010, 00:31

Hey Mr Summit

Thanks for the update. Interesting that you’re planning on telling your “homophobic” parents, as you describe them, before your close friends. I mean, I can understand that order of disclosure if you’re worried about someone telling your parents and prefer to get in first. However, might you need some support from friends who are likely to be more affirming before tackling your parents?

From experience, it’s good to have supports in place for yourself. I like avb’s idea of telling low risk people first, or those less likely to reject you which allows confidence and supports to build. That can help when having to later disclose to higher risk people. Alternatively you might decide not to come out to them at all.

I agree that moving out of home allows a safe space to be if things don’t work out. It also provides more space and time apart for both you and your parents to process your news without being crowded or rushed. A well written coming out letter can work along similar lines, allowing both sides to be better prepared with their responses and able to process and express themselves more accurately.

I look forward to hearing more as your plan unfolds.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2009
October 21, 2010, 08:55

Thanks for the update. Interesting that you’re planning on telling your “homophobic” parents, as you describe them, before your close friends. I mean, I can understand that order of disclosure if you’re worried about someone telling your parents and prefer to get in first. However, might you need some support from friends who are likely to be more affirming before tacking your parents?

I’m thinking the same thing. I came out to people in a very carefully considered order, starting with those with the lowest risk to the ones with highest risk. The “risk” itself being a weighing of two things:

  1. likeliness that they would be OK with it

  2. the potential impact on my life if they’re not.

It meant I would have people to fall back on if things didn’t go well further down the track.

My family was last on the list, not so much because I thought they’d not take it well (I wasn’t too sure, turns out they were fine) but because living at home, it would potentially have the biggest impact on my life.

Given that your parents may have the worst reaction of anyone you know, I’d be carefully considering all that.

Page:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
WP Forum Server by ForumPress | LucidCrew
Version: 99.9; Page loaded in: 0.19 seconds.