How I have come to accept myself (and the journey just begins)

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Joined in 2010
December 8, 2010, 23:30

Hey mate,

Nice meeting and having a chat with you the other night. Gonna be making the trip to Sydney a more regular thing then??

The letter is coming along nicely – good work. Now I wish I’d seen that letter before I did mine!!

And so what’s the plan – are you still waiting until January to give this letter to your parents?? Sounds like you are itching to get it over and done with – I think I can relate 😉

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
December 9, 2010, 09:15

@the_shane, it was nice to meet you do. Don’t worry about not being able to chat for long. Big events are like that and it’s not like I was standing in the corner with my arms crossed and pouting. Getting that BBQ started was ridiculous.

@ann, thanks. That helps. I’ll put together a second draft soon. Ben’s letter is pinned to the top of the general discussions forum.

@avb, I read that speech. ” all the handsome men are gay” – so funny. It’s a powerful speech.

@muffins, It was nice meeting you. I don’t plan to travel to Sydney to often. Maybe Mardi Gras? But who knows. Predicting the future is a tough one. I had a little chuckle upon getting an invite to the youth event that said to contact the guys if I need a lift. It would be an awfully big lift.

The plan is still wait until January to come out to my parents. At the very least it wont be before Christmas because I am just too busy. But I am finding it increasingly difficult over the last 6 months to put effort into hiding things. Whilst I am not going to intentionally come out to all my friends yet, I don’t give a damn if they find out.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
December 9, 2010, 21:48

you can come out progressively. When I am coaching people in this area we create a list. High, medium and low risk. We strategically organise coming out with low risk first…….get confident…..get support…..feel more secure…..and if we need it as we move up the list we have support.

I reckon here is low risk……hehe.

Joined in 2007
December 10, 2010, 01:46

That looks great, Mr Summit! I am praying that your parents will be able to receive this letter in an attitude of love and compassion when the time comes for you to give it to them.


Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
December 10, 2010, 21:17

Hey Mr Summit

Looking great. Thanks too for taking our comments on board.

I just have 4 small suggestions:

In the 7th paragraph, where you say:

“I have to say that I was surprised how weak the biblical arguments against affirming same-sex relationships were..”

Could you word it to read more clearly, such as:

“I was surprised at the weakness of biblical arguments against same-sex relationships.”

In the 8th paragraph you say:

“God loves me, and no one else’s opinion is important after that, however I am still the same person I was before I have come out to you and thus I hope someday that you will embrace my sexuality as remaining close to you means a lot to me.”

When you point out that no one else’s opinion is important, that’s not quite true otherwise you wouldn’t be writing the letter and hoping for your parents’ acceptance. It sounds like you are trying not to care what their response will be which is understandable but a little defensive. And this might make them defensive as well as not conveying the fact that you really love and value them. I’ve also changed the word ’embrace’ to ‘accept’ since I don’t know that they’re going to be able to imagine embracing homosexuality any time soon. If you lower your expectations it might have a better chance with them.

So might I suggest the following instead (and please change words like ‘precious’ if this isn’t a word you would use)?

God loves me and that is the most important thing. That said, my relationships with each of you are very precious to me and I don’t want to lose the closeness that we’ve shared. Perhaps it may help you to know that I am still the same person as before and being openly gay won’t change that. In time I hope that you will be able to accept this aspect as part of who I am and was created to be.

In the 9th paragraph you say:

“I know several great Christian gay people in loving, committed relationships who show that whilst my sexuality was not a choice, my morality is.”

I’m wondering if it might read better if you take out the ‘my’ before ‘sexuality’ and ‘morality’ so it reads as .’..who show that whilst sexuality is not a choice, morality is’. I’ve also changed the ‘was’ to ‘is’ after ‘sexuality’ so you have the same tenses. Just a thought.. And I’m curious…how have they demonstrated that to you? Or how does it relate to your life?

Lastly, I’m wondering if you’ve had a chance to imagine being your parents and receiving that letter and how they might feel. Do you imagine they might feel loved? I think that’s an important consideration because if they feel loved by you then that might make it easier for them to deal with the news. And on that note, I really like the way you’ve ended the letter. I feel the love there.


Ann Maree

Joined in 2009
December 12, 2010, 14:21

I was also very interested to hear your reaction to the DVD “For the Bible Tells Me So”. That kind of reaction can be an important part of the griefing progress and can be very healing emotionally.

You can hold a large ball under water and use up a huge amount of energy doing it for a very long time, but once you let it go, it usually bursts through the surface with an incredible force. It seems your reaction is similar to many others.

For me it was watching the movie “Prayers for Bobby” based on the true story of Bobby Griffiths who took his own life as the result of the religious beliefs of his mother. I just cried and cried when I saw it. That was me right there on the screen. It really was. While we don’t stay there at that point for too long, it is a very important part of the process as we move forward. We shouldn’t try to by pass that step.

Good on you Mr Summit. You are doing really well.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
December 12, 2010, 17:00

I did that watching Latters Days and again watching Save Me

Joined in 2007
December 12, 2010, 17:39

Prayers for Bobby and Latter Days both made me cry so much!

Also the testimony on For The Bible Tells Me So of the mother whose daughter committed suicide, and how that made her open her eyes and really study the Bible… So sad, but so powerful.

Joined in 2009
December 12, 2010, 19:06

At PFLAG in Brisbane there is a wonderful lady called Mrs Shelley Argent. The ABC did a program on her on Australian Story and she has recently been nominated senior Australian of the Year for her work among parents and friends of gays. Her own son is gay and was in the Qld Police Force here for 10 years. He now lives in the UK.

Shelley is tireless in her efforts to help parents of gays who have come out and is just the nicest person. She really is.

Maybe your parents might like to chat with her at some stage.

Joined in 2009
December 12, 2010, 22:11

It was good to meet you at Redcliffe. I was very interested to read your story.

There is a remarkable story of how the Lord provided a van for a street ministry program. I looked after the Treasury Dept at BHP and we paid people by direct debit. A supplier of paint gave us their BSB and Account No. details which we used to pay them. They then rang back complaining they hadn’t been paid. Investigations showed that the clerk at the paint company had given us the BSB no. from one line on her sheet and the account no. from the next line below. That just happened to be the correct account details of this organization. They also gave the same incorrect bank details to Blair Athol Coal.

The organization saw the money in their account and “praised God for His provision” of enough money to buy a van as well as fit it out with all their equipment and they went straight out and bought it.

In the end BHP and Blair Athol Coal decided to “donate” the van to the group. They had a large media event and handed over two large cardboard cheques and it all appeared in the papers. So if you see a van with two little signs saying donated by BHP and Blair Athol Coal, you now know how they got it. To this day I do not know if they ever knew how they got the funds.

It is just amazing how the Lord works.

All the very best with your coming out, especially to your parents. I hope it goes well.

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