I decided that since it has been one year since I first posted on F2b that I should make a timeline to document important events that have happened in my life since that time and a few months before. Some of the dates and memories might be a bit faded, but I did my best to make this as accurate as possible.
Summer 2008 – I return from a summer vacation where I was forced to attend 3 days of counseling under the urging of my parents and their ministry leaders. The ironic thing is that my counselor was, up to this point, the most encouraging and supportive person I had ever met in person in regards to my sexuality and he encouraged me to not let the issue of my orientation separate me from God’s love.
August – Begin junior year of high school.
August – First meet JH. I know that I talk about Spur like he’s my first supportive straight guy friend, but JH actually preceded him. The main problem with our relationship though was JH’s personal problems made it difficult for us to spend time together. He would eventually leave the school and return to his home country after only a few months. In spite of all this, we still keep in contact.
October – My dad and I begin e-mail correspondence concerning my sexuality. The tone is generally diplomatic. The correspondence lasts for only a short time.
Oct. 10 – Although I had known of him for a while, this is the first time I contact AVB. His reply prompts me to join the F2b forum.
*OCT. 12, 2008 – first post on F2b
November – I have a talk with my Bible teacher and, later in the month, my dad about my orientation. Overall, these are good experiences. However, after this, my parents once again enter a period of silence. From here on out, the only time my homosexuality is ever mentioned (rare) is in a negative way.
Dec. 15 – One of many low days. During an emotional down point, I make my ‘responsibility’ post on F2b, saying how I feel personally responsible for how terrible I had been feeling recently. These low points came fairly often, as they do to every teenager, however the added stress of feeling unable to discuss it openly made these times almost unbearable.
January – I turn 17. I have never once attempted suicide and aside from a stress-triggered struggle I had with OCD (trichotillomania), I have never self-injured. God is looking out for me.
January – Beginning of 2nd semester marks the beginning of Drama class, the first class I have with Spur. This is the first time that we really do anything together. The two of us also end up joining the school play later in the year where we get to spend even more time together.
February – During a school retreat event, my ex-best friend points at me, laughs, and says ‘homosexual’ to a guy who I once told her that I liked. I confront her about this later. She says she doesn’t know what I am talking about. Sure.
March – Another downturn, brought about due to an extreme fear I had of a perceived persecution I’d receive during a Bible class on the topic of God’s design for the family. I spend weeks in anxiety over the upcoming class. Several times, I imagine myself committing suicide because of it.
March – I decide on attending a college in Canada instead of the States. Part of the reason I had wanted to attend a college in the States was it’d put me geographically farther from my family. If accepted, this decision will put me only a few minutes away from my brother’s Bible school. He is not accepting and we didn’t get along very well, so I am apprehensive, but I won’t let that deter me from going to this college.
April (possibly. Actual date uncertain) – While in the lunch line, my ex-best friend comes up to me and says simply “Lev. 18:22” to me in front of the entire school. I control myself right then and don’t make an issue of it, but afterwards, I go off by myself and cry. Again I confront her about it and this time she says she doesn’t care about how she made me feel because she was “right”. Whatever.
April – We have the dreaded class on God’s design for the family. I am nervous throughout it, but find it goes by okay. Although I find ignorant attacks on gay people are made throughout the Bible course (vast majority of the time by other students, not the curriculum or teacher), I maintain my composure and nothing bad happens to me. Thank God. The period of time between the time I realized this course was coming up to the time that the course was over was very likely the most suicidal I had ever been after I came out.
May 14, 2009 – This day marks the 2nd anniversary of my coming out to my parents. I spend it doing something I love with people I care about at the dress rehearsal for the school play. My world didn’t totally cave in after all.
Summer 2009 – Went to Canada. Horrid summer vacation overall, I’d say, but one significant thing that happened was I was able to go to a public library that had a number of gay themed books. I read a few of them and fulfilled a wish I long had of reading positive gay literature.
August – Begin senior year of high school. Spur and I have the same Study Hall period, so we end up getting to see each other regularly everyday.
September – I finally recognize Spur as a best friend. Over and over again, I find that I had misjudged him based on the labels that he had given to himself. I find him instead to be compassionate, understanding, and accepting. He is unable to bring himself to support me 100% due to his upbringing, but I know that he is trying his best to not let that come between us. He could’ve easily rejected me, but he accepted me instead. Given how different he is from me on almost every conceivable level, I appreciate his friendship that much more.
September – I come out to another friend. I was a bit nervous about this since I didn’t want to risk losing her as a friend, but she tells me she figured I was gay since the first time that we met. Okay, then. I guess I got all nervous about nothing.
Sept. 20 – I admit to Spur that I had fallen for him. He responds very well. Absolutely nothing changes. If anything, I discovered that my faith in Spur was well-placed.
Sept. 22 – Begin compiling this timeline. 🙂
Sept. 23 – First time I openly talk about being gay during school, in response to one of my friends telling me to do so. Practically the whole school already knows I am gay, but this is the first time I speak about it so publicly and openly. It happens in Study Hall and my orientation is generally received as being puzzling but not a big deal. I wanted to say a bit more than I actually did on the topic, but held myself back. I resolve that if it comes up again, I will be even more open.
Oct. 12 – One year ago, I posted on this forum. At the time I had been out of the closet for only a year and a half. Thankfully, I found this site and knowing that I had a community of people who cared for me helped me get through some tough times in my life. By this time next year, I plan to be in college in Canada, starting a whole new chapter of life. I’m thankful to this community for strengthening me as I carry on to bring this current chapter to a close. My prayer is that someone, somewhere will be inspired by me and realize that coming out doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the world and that as long as you hold on and keep the faith, there will be a light at the end of tunnel yet. 🙂 Thank you God for being so good to me!