Hi Meg and ammi

Meg said:

I think it is okay to be confused. A lot of the time, we get to a point where we feel confused and we fear that and want to leave that place quickly, but I have been reading a book of Quaker Wisdom, recently where it suggests that the Quaker way is to ‘sit with’ that confusion. Not judging it, not wanting to hurry past it, but just to quietly sit with it, observe it, let it be what it is and release the fear surrounding it. It seems like a good suggestion to me, and the book goes on to say that this is often the quickest way to clarity on whatever issue is confusing us.

This is really well put and I couldn’t agree more. It fits beautifully with most counselling theories/approaches. I’m reminded of the humanistic practice of focusing, introduced by Eugene Gendlin. I describe it as body work/awareness to some of my clients because it involves sitting with whatever sensations or pain the body presents. It’s a gentle approach and yet so powerful; effective because of the way it acknowledges what’s happening in the body. And I’ve realised lately from my own experience that there’s nothing like simple acknowledgment for dissipating pain and confusion.

The idea of sitting with that which we’d rather avoid (acceptance) also fits with the eastern way of life, including buddhism, where people are more tolerant when it comes to waiting patiently for the answer. The Australian aboriginals also operate in this way rather than going in asking questions to hurry things along. The practice of mindfulness, which has it’s roots in buddhism, (or any meditation for that matter), usually involves noticing things like confusion but without judgment or creating a story about it, the latter often only adding to our angst.

I’ve also had some success with the notion of befriending these situations. This can be done by personifying the issue then writing a letter to that ‘person’ as a way to build understanding and dialogue. You can then answer the first letter from the perspective of the issue, in this case, confusion, using the non dominant hand to write with. It’s a very interesting exercise that can bring forth great insight and emotional shifts. Writing with the non dominant hand awakens the non dominant hemisphere of the brain usually associated with intuition, creativity and emotions.

Anyway, it’s really good to have you with us, ammi, no matter what state you’re in. 🙂

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi ammi

Wow!! That’s amazing.

Your ‘confusion’ doesn’t sound so confused but quite enlightened.

It’s true – fear can put us in all kinds of states and create so many problems. And interestingly, fear is the opposite of love and “perfect love casts out fear”.

Just by being here and sharing like this means you are confronting your fears. And these will gradually lessen the more you do this and see that people really do love you as you are. I find it helps to know that fear is usually all smoke screen and mirrors. It’s often a false construct we create in our minds with no basis other than ‘What ifs’ and when we shine a light on it, fear disappears.

I hope that helps, ammi.

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Wow!

“Confusion” wrote back… “It is okay to have sexual feelings and arousal. You actually can’t deny them anymore than you can deny the anger, grief and pain. You have been attracted to women more than men. This has been where your key relationships have been. It isn’t all about touch hunger. I know this makes you cry for the hopelessness of it. Yet, look at J’s courage (a friend who is exploring her sexuality and faith), what can you learn from that? It’s okay to explore possibilities and maybe if you would just own the truth and be open to possibilities, a life partner may be possible. All is not lost. People will still love you. See, it isn’t really as confusing as you think… your fear makes you confused.”

I can’t believe I wrote that…. and am not sure I have the courage to actually post this here.

Tears are close again……

ammi

PROFOUND!

I have a little system I use at times to journal…….I write the question………..then write the answer

Hi ammi

The thing that strikes me is that it’s OK for your friend to have her view and for you to have a different one.

It’s even possible to still be friends – that is, if you can both hold and respect such differences while looking to a broader perspective that unites you. And her perspective doesn’t negate the support she’s been in terms of your mental health issues. It just is what it is.

Mind you, at this stage of your journey, the more time spent with supportive others who share similar views as you, the better perhaps. You’re right – it can be very difficult to sit with opposing ideas and we’re not always in the frame of mind to be able to do that. And some people cannot do it at all, especially in fundamental Christian circles.

The Naked Now sounds interesting. How did you come to be reading that?

Blessings,

Ann Maree