Hi again Ammi,

I have sat down over the last day or so and read your story and posts from beginning to end – along with the comments from others on the site. There are certainly a lot of your questions and issues that resonate with me.

As for your beautiful comment about “the deep blue translucent ball of possible hope suspended in [your] gut” – well Ammi – I took a deep breath as I read that. Such a beautiful, gentle yet powerful image – and so very important to hold on to. My prayer for you will be that you can indeed hold onto that translucent ball…and that it may indeed grow bigger and brighter. 🙂

And so thank you to you Ammi for continuing to share your story – there must be zillions of ammis and sarabs out there!!

please know that you are in my prayers. Hang in there!!

Sarab 🙂

Hey Sarab… I am really touched and moved that you took the time to read this entire thread, and to comment so sensitively and beautifully on those parts of the story and comments that touched you… Thank you so much for reminding me of the deep blue translucent ball of possible hope suspended in my gut… It all the turmoil of various dramas over recent weeks, I have forgotten that place, or that it was even there.

I am feeling really lonely and sad today, just now, as the mid 20 year old son of one of my best friend’s was killed in a pedestrian accident over the weekend – something like that has a tendency to put other things into some sort of perspective…

courage for all who come here!

Thanks so mucy Princess Fiona for your encouragement… it comes at a much needed time. There are a lot of confusing things in my life just at the moment….

Take care

ammi

Hi Princess_Fiona

Thanks for those very wise words. I too find that saying "This too will pass" is helpful for keeping things in perspective.

Glad to have you here at f2b!

Blessings,

Ann Maree

Hi Ammi

Just wanted you to know your in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that things are improving for you, it sounds like you have had alot going on of late and I'm sorry to hear that. Life surely throws us alot of curve balls at times. It can get trying and make you tired, having to duck each one of those balls, especially when there's a onslaught of them.

Just to share a little with you (hard for me to open up about this, as for so long I felt like a failure for struggling). Sometimes I've found myself in the past saying "stop I want to get off", of course the world didn't stop for me, but when I reach that point I know I'm in dangerous waters. I say dangerous waters, as I too have suffered with mental health issues from an early age and have had to do alot of work on myself in order to survive and cope, together with modern medication at times. Won't go into too much of that now, just will say that alot of it for me had to do with my sexuality. Thankfully the past 7 years in particularly have been so much better and freeing for me. I still need to be mindful of where I am at emotionally. I have a few challenages in my life (some I can share, some I can't) raising a special needs child and my health are major ones for me. These stressors can push me to my limits at times, thankfully during those times when I am in dangerous waters, I don't drown but somehow manage to tread water (tying as that is). I have learnt to be content with where I am at, that too has helped with accepting what comes my way. Thats not to say that, its not hard at times, and its doesn't mean I don't look forward to things improving or changing. Today was one of those hard days, when my health issues got the better of me and I was in tears due to not coping with the pain.

I'm sharing all this in the hope that you may read this and somehow it may just help or encourage you in some small way. I want to say I'm sorry if my sharing "this too will pass" in a previous posting came across as swallow and non empathic, that is last thing I wanted to do. As I said in another posting, text can sometimes get misinterpreated as we can't hear someones voice or know them personally in a forum situation.

Wishing you a wonderful night and a great rest of the week.

Hi Ammi

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and wondering how your going. Hope that 2012 is turning out to be a good year for you. You mentioned your friends and support people around you had been going through tough times themselves, always hard to see people we care for going through that. Also gives us a chance to show our love and support for them during there diffcult times, as much as we would rather they not go through them at all. Friendship is such a blessing and a gift, its during the tough times we truely see the truth in that.

To some point I understand that your mental health issues can prevent you journeying forward and put a stop to things. Each person is different and a person who's sexual orientation isnt straight do quite often have mental health issues as a result of there struggles. In saying that it can be totally unrelated and add to the diffcult time in sorting through things. Main thing is you know what you are like as a person and how much you can cope with (noone knows you better than yourself). Putting things on hold for a while to care for your health isnt a bad thing and doesnt take away from the work you have done at all.

Know there are people on here who do care and are here whenever your wanting to talk.

Hugs