These are kind of on the lame side of funny, but I thought they were cute nonetheless.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. He says, “Can I buy you a drink?”
She replies, “Yes, but it won’t do you any good.”
Later he asks, “May I buy you another drink?” “Yes,” she responds, “but it won’t do you any good.”
After a few drinks, he decides to ask her to his apartment. Again, she replies, “Yes, but it won’t do you any good.”
In his apartment he turns to her and says, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I want you for my wife.”
She replies, “Ohhhhh, THAT’S a different story!! Bring her on out!!!”
A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.
Her plan was to tell her mother first so on her next home visit she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realised she was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, her mother said, “You mean, lesbian?”
Still without looking up: “Does that mean lick women down below?”
Caught off guard, the young woman eventually managed to stammer an
embarrassed affirmative whereupon her mother turned to her and,
brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under her nose, snapped:
“Don’t you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!”