Shan - 19 year old country guy trying to make sense of things...

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Joined in 2008
April 18, 2010, 20:16

Hi Shan,

Glad you got to meet some great people today and talked to your Mum again. It will take time for her on this journey, but she loves you and God will help her and you both.

Anthony Venn-Brown
Joined in 2005
April 18, 2010, 21:22

hey Shan…..good to meet you too.

I really dont want to overload you with too much info ATM……I think you have enough on your plate……… but this is a link about former Exodus leaders in Australia who said it was wrong to believe that people could change and it caused great suffering to those who went through the programs.

you only need to read this if

  1. you want more info yourself

  2. you need to settle the question in your own mind….or

  3. it would help your Mum to have more information.

Joined in 2010
April 18, 2010, 23:28

Anthony: I have had a pretty intense think session tonight… Literally stopped only when I woke up… On top of MacBook Pro… Decided it was time to stop then heheh… Thanks for the info but I think Ill leave it for the moment… Have saved the link for future reference just in case…

Rivers: Thanks 🙂 You are an awesome source of encouragement 🙂

Ann Maree: Everything is still as clear as mud to me… But I can start to see glimpses of hope.

My adopted cousin posted this randomly on my facebook profile… She doesn’t know exactly how much it meant to me…

I couldn’t get over it…

Ill now be in Sydney until V. early May… Still can’t go to the monthly meeting 🙁 Have to be back by the 3rd… Latest 🙁

Joined in 2008
April 19, 2010, 00:04

Hi Shan,

Falling asleep on a Macbook is one thing, but falling asleep on a Pro, you must have been exhausted!

I really enjoyed chatting on Facebook last night. I probably got more out of it than you did. You are a really awesome person. And I got blessed listening to the messages from Pastor Sandy Turnbull’s podcast again ( and Purple Grass by Freda Smith. I cried (but I always cry, haha).

I often get busy with work, but I hope we can chat again. It seems to me that God is sending you encouraging messages through many of us. God’s voice always lifts the human personality out of hopelessness and despair into a place of dignity, strength and hope. God always lifts us up, and takes us higher. Cause we’re God’s kids. And we belong at the table. Have a great week and refreshing sleep.


Joined in 2009
April 19, 2010, 17:55

Hi Shan

Congratulations, well done, and I am very, very proud of you- I am especially glad that 10 years worth of “coincidences” came together 😉

Joined in 2010
April 19, 2010, 18:34

Rivers: Oh I know! The aluminium and glass is just sooooo comfortable… 😛 Come to think of it I have fell asleep on top of it numerous times…

No. It was wonderful… Really was. So many resources… Amazing… Really amazing.

Love to chat again 🙂

Axiom: Yeah… Those coincidences just keep coming. Its amazing how much the internet can connect people 😉

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 24, 2010, 20:29

Hi Shan

How’s things going?

Joined in 2010
April 25, 2010, 00:25


Ben and Anthony are probably sick of me saying this but I am gunna say it again…

It has been an amazing month.

I am at the point where I KNOW God loves me for who I am. Having made me EXACTLY who I am… I am not happy about being gay (which I actually said out loud today 😀 ) but I am not depressed over it. Just very neutral about the whole thing. But I am now comfortable with this…

I have been speaking to Mom regularly and she sounds… different… Which is to be expected She is still more than happy to hold a conversation with me and still says “I love you” at the end of the phone call, which makes me feel that she is going to be ok…

I was in the city today… Met up with our ex-product specialist… She knows I have been having issues… She randomly said to me “Is this all about your sexuality?”. I was absolutely dumbfounded and just said “Yeah. Did you know”… She didn’t. It was a wild guess lol. Amazing person… So glad I still know her 🙂

I met up with Ben and Anthony again today. You guys are awesome…

Had a chat to Anthony and discussed that being in the closet is a lot like being in an interrogation room with a one way mirror… Looking into the mirror when you are in the interrogation room is a lot like being in the closet… You can only see your own issues. You can’t see past it. As far as you are concerned there is nothing else.

As soon as you come out and look through the observation room side, you know exactly what the people in the interrogation room are going through.

Someone told me that they knew what I was going through. No. They are straight. There is NO way you can know what the continuous internal struggle is like.

Anyhoo… As I mentioned to Ben… I am smiling. But it is no longer that horrible eternally happy facade. It is reflecting exactly what I feel inside =)

This adventure has introduced me to some wonderful friends… And that is exactly what I am calling this… An adventure.

Looking forward to the Freedom 2 b[e] youth event =D

Shan =)

Ann Maree
Joined in 2008
April 25, 2010, 01:12

Well that sounds very promising and positive indeed. Glad to hear, Shan.

I like your analogy of the interrogation room with the closet. I agree that a straight person would find it very difficult to know what this process feels like. The good news is that the internal struggle will get less and less as time goes on.

So happy you’ve got some supports and new friends to help you through all this. That’s really excellent.

Did you end up giving a version of your letter to your Mum?


Ann Maree

Joined in 2010
April 25, 2010, 01:27

Thank you for reminding me!

Totally forgot…

Sending it to the printer now… Oh how much I do love Back To My Mac heheheh

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