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Shan - 19 year old country guy trying to make sense of things...

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N149
 
Joined in 2010
April 13, 2010, 03:04

So its like 2am at the moment… I have sat in front of my computer for the past hour trying to talk myself into changing it…


I couldn’t type the ‘g’ word so I copied, pasted and edited around it… I think it has turned out ok…


As for … pride. Honestly I still am quite ashamed of it. Again… Not God… Me… Its just something I need to learn how to change myself…


Im not sure if I will ever be proud, My aim for the moment is to accept myself… Which is something I have never really wanted to do before.


S

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 13, 2010, 11:12

Hi Shan


There’s no rush. You’ve already done a lot in a short space of time. It can take a while to get to pride so don’t worry. avb refers to a number of stages in the process of reconciling sexuality and I found these helpful…I just can’t find them ATM . Perhaps he can post them here?


Acceptance is great, Shan, and that can take a while to achieve too. It’s worth the effort though. It’s OK to give yourself whatever time you need and you dont have to have it all sorted prior to coming out. Most of us don’t. For many, a lifetime of denial and self hatred does not disappear overnight. We need to work at it over a period of time, like years.


Acceptance and self-esteem are very much linked. If you like practical work books and journalling, I can thoroughly recommend an excellent book by Alison Waines, a previous supervisor of mine. It’s called ‘The Self-Esteem Journal: Using a Journal to Build Self-Esteem’. She’s a very gentle, positive person who explains things simply, guiding readers in visualisations and other exploratory exercises. The book is available through amazon and/or sheldon press I think.


Anyway, you’re doing really well, Shan. Keep us posted!


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 13, 2010, 13:20

So its like 2am at the moment… I have sat in front of my computer for the past hour trying to talk myself into changing it…


I couldn’t type the ‘g’ word so I copied, pasted and edited around it… I think it has turned out ok…


As for … pride. Honestly I still am quite ashamed of it. Again… Not God… Me… Its just something I need to learn how to change myself…


Im not sure if I will ever be proud, My aim for the moment is to accept myself… Which is something I have never really wanted to do before.


S


It comes Shan……it comes….as you have probably read in my book the first 6 years after coming out I still wasn’t proud…….I’d reluctantly accepted my homosexuality as I knew after 22 years of trying that I couldn’t change it.


Then I had a moment when I fell in love with my tribe, fell in love with me (instead of hating the gay part of me) …..and fully embraced my identity. It was then that the shame I’d carried for decades dropped away and was replaced by a sense of pride in who I am and the way I live my life.


It took so long as I had to do this journey alone. There was no Freedom 2 b[e] forum or chapter meetings. Now though what took me years even decades to work out those connected with F2B seem to work out in much less time……even months instead of years. There is something about this space that we’ve created which accelerates peoples journey to self acceptance. I love sitting back and watching it happen.


You’ll look back in 12 months time and be amazed at the new place you are at. BELIEVE ME!


Today though…….all you need to do is meet the demands of the moment.

N149
 
Joined in 2010
April 13, 2010, 18:38

Ann Marie: Thanks :). I just feel this is something that has to be done whether I like it or not. So far I have had nothing but love and acceptance from the people I have came out to including my best friend, Friend in Sydney who is also one of my managers and a co-worker of 5 years who is close to me. Also need to talk to a friend in Canberra who will (hopefully) be instrumental in talking to Mom.


I have also looked up “The Self-Esteem Journal” Found I can buy it through Angus & Robertson online and have it within 7 days :). Also just got an email that Big W are shipping my copy of “Love Is An Orientation” so I am quite excited :D.


I did make those edits and am quite happy with the letter as a whole.


Anthony: I am re-reading for the second time. I can’t get over your book… Really really awesome. I think you are a pretty awesome person to have gone through what you did and still be able and willing to share your story. So thank you 🙂


I agree. I live for the moment. It is a big thing for me to make plans anything more than a week out. So the fact that I have already put so much thought into this letter, and am planning to get away in June is a big step.


Again, huge thanks to you both 🙂


S

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 14, 2010, 09:41

Hi Shan


No probs and you’re welcome. I’m glad you’ve had positive responses with others.. and you’re certainly doing everything to ensure a good outcome with your Mum. 🙂


I very much like your dedication and enthusiasm about moving forward. You’ll go far with that. Wow .. and you’ve ordered Alison’s book. I love it. Let me know what you think of her work.


avb’s Attitudinal Stages toward Homosexuality that I referred to earlier include the following attitudinal states: (The idea is that we move through the stages toward a positive outcome).


At the beginning there may be hatred (although not everyone starts with this toward themselves or other gay people), then there’s dislike, discomfort, tolerance, acceptance, affirmation (that’s where the celebration and pride come in), and lastly, for some, advocacy.


I like this model because it shows there’s a few stages to work through, and since attitudes tend to be the hardest things to shift, knowing about the stages allows for time to change rather than expecting an overnight turn around. It’s encouraging to notice, as avb has said, that people are reaching a state of affirmation more quickly because the available supports are accelerating the process. This is really good news and something to celebrate. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 15, 2010, 12:24

hey shan…….when you are in Sydney and have left the letter behind and your Mum contacts you. Maybe you could send her the link to this song http://www.freedom2b.org/topic/861

N149
 
Joined in 2010
April 15, 2010, 13:32

That is an awesome song =D


I will most certainly get it to her =)


She almost outed me this morning… She walked into my room (which she never does) and picked up “For The Bible Tells Me So” which was in the automatic document feeder of my printer. She said “this looks good, what is it about”? and I was like “Oh its an interesting DVD, we will watch it some time”… Hoping she forgets about it for a while… So happy she didn’t read the back cover…


It is most certainly going to be an interesting 72 days…

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
April 15, 2010, 14:38

sometimes……once we make a decision…..it sets in motion the events that create the reality. Don’t be too surprised…..you are prepared. I’ve seen this happen a lot with people I’ve worked with to come out.

N149
 
Joined in 2010
April 15, 2010, 15:30

I certainly hope so…


It just freaked me out… The thought of being “outed” after all the planning. Glad she didn’t turn around… She would have seen all the positive messages I have pasted above my computer… Which do often include the “g” word =P


And Anthony, you now have me on your twitter =)


Can’t wait to meet you guys in Sydney =D

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
April 15, 2010, 15:43

Shan, have you considered that she might already know? And be OK with it??
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